Fool Release

THOSE OF YOU WATCHING THE SHOW REGULARLY KNOW WE GO ON THE STREETS TO TEST PEOPLE PASSING BY OUR STUDIO IN ORDER TO PUT THEM ON THE SHOW, WE ASK THEM TO SIGN A WAIVER, BASICALLY A LEGAL DOCUMENT THAT SAYS IT'S OKAY FOR US TO PUT THEM ON TV. IT'S SIMPLE, TAKES A COUPLE OF SECONDS. SIGN YOUR NAME, THAT'S THAT. WE DECIDED TO PUSH ATE BIT TO COMPLICATE THINGS, TO SEE HOW MUCH NONSENSE PEOPLE WILL TOLERATE FOR THE CHANCE TO BE ON TV. >> CAN WE TALK TO YOU FOR ABC? I NEED TO GET A COUPLE THINGS SIGNED JUST TO MAKE SURE WE CAN USE YOU ON CAMERA. IT'S A STANDARD RELEASE. LAWYERS MAKE US ASK ALL THIS STUFF. YOU GIVE ABSOLUTE ASSURANCE YOU'RE SOUND OF MIND AND BODY, NOT CURRENTLY UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ANY FOREIGN SUBSTANCES? YOU'VE NOT BEEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL OR NARCOTICS IN THE THE LAST 72 HOURS? WILLING TO SUBMIT TO A B.U.S.? BLOOD URINE STOOL? >> I DRANK ON TUESDAY. >> WHAT'D YOU HAVE? >> RUM AND COKE, TWO. >> TWO OF THOSE? >> YEP. >> ANYTHING TO EAT? >> YEP. >> APPETIZERS? >> NOPE. NACHOS. >> DID YOU HAVE A SALAD WITH YOUR MEAL? >> NO. >> IF YOU HAD A SALAD WHAT DRESS DOING YOU LIKE? RANCH, FRENCH, BLUE CHEESE, HOUSE IS VINAIGRETTE. >> HOUSE. >> I'LL BE BACK TO TAKE YOUR DRINK ORDER. >> SIGN HERE. YOU ACKNOWLEDGE AT A FUTURE DATE YOUR VOICE WILL BE USED IN A LINE OF DANCING HAMSTER TOYS? >> OKAY. >> DOES PARTICIPANT CONSENT AND AGREE TO GO AHEAD AND JUST KEEP IT IN THEIR PANTS WHILE WE DO THIS? >> YES. >> BY SIGNING HERE, CAN I GET YOUR SIGNATURE? I GUARANTEE THAT I CAN DO BUT MAY NOT BE ASKED TO DO A SOUTHERN ACCENT. >> ALL RIGHT. >> PRODUCER RESERVES THE RIGHT TO SMELL YOUR HANDS OR FINGERS. >> SMELL MY HANDS? >> TURKEY. >> SALAMI. >> SALAMI, YOU HAD LETTUCE ON THERE. >> RIGHT. >> I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK MOLD OF YOUR HAND. SHOVE THAT RIGHT IN THERE. ALL THE WAY IN THERE. PARTICIPANT GIVES FULL PERMISSION TO MAKE A DUPLICATE OF SAID PARTICIPANT'S HOUSE KEY. >> IT'S NOT MINE. >> THAT'S OKAY. THIS IS FOR A BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVEL. JUST GO AHEAD AND BREATHE RIGHT INTO THAT TUBE FOR ME. >> I'M NOT HIGH OR UNDER THE INFLUENCE AT ALL. >> PRODUCER AGREES TO SCAN WITH A BLACK LIGHT TO ENSURE THERE'S NO BODILY FLUIDS. LET ME JUST QUICKLY GET YOU. OKAY. IN ACCORDANCE WITH CODE 20.145 OF L.A. COUNTY ORDINANCE 16, FOR SECURITY PURPOSES, PARTICIPANT AGREES TO FULL PERMISSION FOR PRODUCER TO RUMMAGE THROUGH PARTICIPANT'S FURS, BAG AND/OR FANNY PACK AND TAKE ANYTHING PRODUCER LIKES FROM THEREIN. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IN THERE? >> SOME PORN. >> SOME PORN? CAN I SEE? WHAT KIND OF PORN? >> IT'S GAY PORN. >> OH, ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. CHECK HERE FOR THE AMOUNT -- >> YOU WANT MY CITIZENSHIP? >> YOU'VE GOT A PEN IN YOUR MOUTH ALREADY. PARTICIPANT AGREES TO CATCH THIS SNAKE. YES. I'LL PUT A YES. ALL FINAL SIGNATURES ON THIS LINE MUST BE COMPLETED IN BLUE OR BLACK SQUID INK. RIGHT THERE. AND WE'LL JUST DO THAT RIGHT THERE. THAT'S A SQUID. >> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. >> IT'S JUST LIKE A REGULAR PEP. >> I CAN'T. >> JUST GET YOUR JOHN HANCOCK RIGHT ON THERE. >> ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. >> YOU CAN KEEP THAT. >> AAH!

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