Jimmy Kimmel Warns Baby Donald Trump About Comey Book

IN ATLANTIC CITY. THE BIG NEWS TODAY WAS THE BIGLY ANTICIPATED RELEASE OF FORMER FBI DIRECTOR JAMES COMEY'S BOOK. IN WHICH HE PAINTS AN UP FLATTERING PORTRAIT OF HIS FORMER BOSS. THE PRESIDENT IS SAID TO BE FURIOUS ABOUT THIS BOOK BECAUSE IT COMBINES THE TWO THINGS HE HATES MOST. CRITICISM, AND READING. [ LAUGHTER ] THE BOOK CAME OUT TODAY. IT'S THE NUMBER ONE SELLER ON AMAZON. LOCAL BOOKSTORES, KIDS WERE LINED UP AT MIDNIGHT DRESSED AS THEIR FAVORITE CHARACTERS FROM THE MUELLER INVESTIGATION. [ LAUGHTER ] THE BOOK IS DAMNING DEPICTION OF A PRESIDENT WHO SEEMS TO DO ALL WRONG THINGS AND THAT'S A SHAME. LET ME HAVE THAT BOOK THERE. THE PRESIDENT SHOULD BE DOING THE RIGHT THINGS. IF ONLY I COULD GO BACK IN TIME TO SHOW THIS BOOK TO A YOUNG DONALD TRUMP SO HE COULD SEE WHAT IS IN STORE FOR HIM. AND MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW, JUST MAYBE WE COULD POTENTIALLY GET HIM TO CHANGE HIS WAYS. OH MY GOSH. LOOK AT THIS, IT WORKED. WE'RE BACK IN TIME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I NEVER IMAGINED THIS BUILDING WOULD STILL BE HERE. WHAT YEAR? IT'S 1947. HI, BABY DONALD. IT'S ME, UNCLE JIMMY. I HAVE SOME BIG NEWS FOR YOU. AWW, YOU ARE SUCH A SPECIAL LITTLE BOY. DONALD, ONE DAY A MAN, A VERY TALL MAN NAMED JAMES COMEY, IS GOING TO WRITE A BOOK ALL ABOUT YOU. LOOK AT IT, IT'S 304 PAGES. THAT'S RIGHT. I DO WANT TO SAY, IT'S NOT VERY NICE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORDS "MORALLY UNFIT" MEAN? >> MINE! >> Jimmy: IT MEANS YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER TELL A LIE. AND YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET THESE NAKED BARBIE DOLLS OUT OF YOUR CRIB ALSO. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WAH! >> Jimmy: I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, DON'T CRY. LET ME READ YOU A LITTLE STORY FROM THE BOOK, OKAY? MR. TRUMP SAID HE NEEDED TO TALK WITH ME BEFORE OUR SCHEDULED DINNER. WHEN I GOT TO THE ROOM, HE IMMEDIATELY SHOWED ME A PICTURE OF HIMSELF ON THE COVER OF "FORBES" MAGAZINE. DON'T I LOOK GREAT, HE SAID. SOMEONE SHOULD SPANK YOUR BOTTOM WITH THAT MAGAZINE, I SAID. HE TURNED AROUND AND PULLED DOWN HIS PANTS -- WAIT A MINUTE. THIS IS NOT -- OH. THIS IS NOT JAMES COMEY'S BOOK. THIS IS STORMY DANIELS' BOOK, "ORALLY UNFIT." [ APPLAUSE ] THIS IS A GOOD STORY. SHE'S A LADY YOU'RE GOING TO MEET AT A GOLF TOURNAMENT AND YOU'RE GOING TO PAY HER $130,000 TO BREAST-FEED, OKAY? OKAY, LITTLE DONNIE. I HAVE TO GO NOW BUT I'M GOING TO SEE YOU LATER, OKAY? WHAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? >> Guillermo: HEY, BABY DONALD, I GOT ONE THING TO SAY. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE IN 1946? >> Guillermo: YEAH, I GOT BIT BY A SUPERCABRA. >> Jimmy: GO AHEAD. >> Guillermo: BABY DONALD TRUMP, DON'T BUILD A WALL GAECTION MEMB AGAINST MEMBERSES CAN. THAT IS A STUPID IDEA. AND YOU'RE A STUPID BABY. >> WAH! >> Jimmy: HE'S JUST A BABY. JUST A BABY. YOU WANT TO GET IN THE CRIB? >> Guillermo: NO THANKS.

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