Trump’s Border Plan Explained Barista Theatre

THE PRESIDENT WAS VERY BUSY TODAY. HE ISSUED A PROCLAMATION ORDERING THE NATIONAL GUARD TO GO TO THE BORDER TO HELP FIGHT THE FIGHT AGAINST ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION. THIS COMES AT A VERY INTERESTING TIME. BECAUSE IN FEBRUARY, LESS THAN TWO MONTHS AGO HE TWEETED 45-YEAR LOW ON ILLEGAL BORDER CROSSINGS THIS YEAR. I.C.E. AND BORDER CONTROL AGENTS ARE DOING A GOOD JOB FOR OUR COUNTRY. EVEN THOUGH BORDER CROSSINGS ARE AT THE LOWEST SINCE 1971 AND EVERYONE IS DOING A GREAT JOB, HE'S SENDING IN NATIONAL GUARD. I'M SURE THE MEMBERS OF THE NATIONAL GUARD ARE THRILLED THAT THEY'LL NOW BE SPENDING THEIR WEEKENDS IN NOGALES STANDING NEXT TO A CACTUS, BUT WHY HE'S DOING THIS, WE REALLY DON'T KNOW. TO TRY TO MAKE SOME SENSE OF IT IT'S TIME FOR A SPECIAL ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION EDITION OF BARISTA THEATER. HERE WE GO OR HELLO. HELLO, BARISTA. >> HI, MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER? >> I WOULD LIKE -- >> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. >> OH, HEY. >> HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, AMIGO. >> I JUST WANT A COP OF COFFEE. >> WE HIRED THESE GUYS YESTERDAY. WE HAD TO BEEF UP SECURITY TO MAKE SURE NOBODY STEALS OUR COFFEE. >> HAS THAT BEEN A PROBLEM? ARE PEOPLE STEALING COFFEE? >> WELL, SO FAR IN 2018 WE'VE SEEN THE LOWEST NUMBER OF COFFEE THIEVES IN 40 YEARS. >> Jimmy: OKAY, BUT DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU JUST HIRED SECURITY GUYS YESTERDAY? >> YEAH. THAT'S HOW FAST IT WORKS. >> Jimmy: JUST GIVE ME A REG AMERICANO. >> $14.50. >> Jimmy: WHY SO EXPENSIVE? >> BECAUSE WE'RE BUILDING A BRAND-NEW STATE OF THE ART COFFEE CART. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE OUR PROTOTYPE? >> Jimmy: OH, I SAID NO. >> ALL RIGHT. THAT'S BETTER. OKAY. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE? >> Jimmy: THIS IS INSANE. I'M NOT PAYING $15 FOR COFFEE SO YOU CAN BUILD THIS WORTHLESS TALL COUNTER. WHO DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO PAY FOR THIS? >> Guillermo: I WILL PAY FOR IT. A STARBUCKS GIFT CARD. [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: THANKS, EVERYBODY. WOW, THANKS. ALL RIGHT.

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