어쩌다 유튜브에서 날 발견한 내 친구들에게 To my friends who found me on YouTube

Hello~ I'm not sure where to start... I had no idea that I would be filming like this. But it seems to have been known to my friends sooner than I thought. So I've decided to make this video to tell you guys. I don't know how you have found this channel on YouTube, but please now listen to what I've got to say. First of all, yes, it's true. I'm gay. I do like men. But don't get me wrong. It's not like I like every guy I run into. You all have your own standard when it comes to the other gender, right? I also look at men with my own standard. So please don't think that I'll fall for you, just because you happen to be a man. And above all, I want to apologize for deceiving you. Human relationships are based on trust, but you guys somehow discovered this channel. And I'm really sorry that it may have destroyed that trust between us. I'm such a coward, so I couldn't tell you guys that I'm gay. For over 20 years, I've felt like I'm this one weird freak. And if I told you the truth, I thought you guys might want to leave me. I was so afraid of that. So I just couldn't tell anyone, and kept it as a secret. Honestly, I'm quite frightened right now. That's why I'm coming out of the closet through this video to tell you guys. I just can't bring myself to do it face to face. Since I was young, I've been good at hiding real me. When someone tells one's weakness or mistake to others, I see people attacking or trampling on that person instead of covering that weakness or mistake. So it's not easy for me to share my shortcomings with others. They say that if you share sadness, it becomes half. But in my experience, people judged me lightly based on my sadness, and even used it against me. So I've always tried my best to show my sunny side to you guys. But after doing this for over 20 years, I'm exhausted. No matter how hard I tried to get close to you guys, I couldn't. I mean, I was hiding my sexual identity which was also an important part of me. 'A boy meets a girl' is natural for you guys, but it isn't for me. That doesn't mean that I have many other gay friends, though. Looking back, I've had bad experiences more than nice ones. I was stalked by a person, who'd seen me once, for a few years. Another time, I got my identity stolen by someone I've never met before. Also I heard someone who I'd thought was my close friend talking behind my back. And watching people easily believe in rumors, I felt skeptical about being gay. Trust me, I've tried so many times not to be gay. I even tried to date a girl. But it didn't work. Because sexual identity isn't something I can choose by myself. You guys might think, 'How can a guy like another guy?' But you see, I think just the opposite, 'How can I like a woman?' I think like that. This isn't the life I've chosen. I was born this way, so I live accordingly. Yeah, sure, frankly, I've blamed myself many times for being born this way. When I went to a summer camp at church, I prayed to God for several days, asking "Why did you make me this way?" "I'm so lost, please help me, God." But... I got no answer. Maybe my faith wasn't strong enough. In the end, I have no choice but to continue to live like this. Still, gay is a human being too. There are bad gays and there are good gays. Not all gays are bad, and promiscuous. So I've started to change my thoughts gradually. I'm not ashamed of being a gay. But I wasn't showing my face, because I hoped that you guys wouldn't find me. Since I had nobody on my side, I sincerely didn't want to lose even you guys. I didn't want you guys to recognize me as a gay. That's why I started YouTube with this sunglasses on. When I first realized that you guys discovered my channel, I seriously thought about deleting the channel. But after thinking it over, I saw no need for that. Because being a gay is not a crime, if I run away again from here, I feel like I'll spend the rest of my life hiding, and running away. And I'll live a life to show others. I'm sure some of you will treat me without prejudice, and with respect even after you find out that I'm gay. Of course, some of you will find me disgusting, and calling my names behind my back. Well, maybe it's better this way. I'll continue to run this channel. Of course, that means more and more enemies. There will be people who pretend to be my friend, using my name to get attention. Or there will be people who spread rumors about me, and attack me. And there will be people who actually believe every word of it. Until now, I've cared about how people look at me, and tried to read their faces. But enough with that. Have you heard of that saying? "Instigation needs only one sentence, but to refute it, one needs dozens of documents and evidences. And when one is ready to refute it, people are already agitated." I'm not ready to reply to every single malicious comment, not yet anyway. So from now on, I'll just ignore them. I'll just look after people who are on my side. Please do me a favor. I know you probably detest me for wearing this mask, but please don't try to take it off by force. Just help me take it off by myself. I will be so grateful, if this incident brings us closer to become really good friends. If I can be more honest with you guys, I'll be grateful for that. But even after watching this video, if you still cannot get over your prejudice against me, I guess there is nothing more I can do. Thank you for everything. If you still count me as your friend, even after watching this, can you not tell anyone about this channel? And after some time, when you feel easier about this, just treat me as though nothing has happened. I think, then, I can treat you likewise. Thank you for watching this long, boring video. I hope to see you again with a smile. Bye.

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