40 Signs That You Are Neurotic Understanding Neurosis




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Hey, this is Leo, for Actualized.org. And in this episode, I'm gonna give you a list of 40 signs that you are neurotic. And I'm gonna help you to develop a really deep understanding and give you a definition, a very rich definition of what neurosis is. ♪ (Intro music) ♪ My siste-in-law, she once asked me: "Leo, what do you mean by 'neurosis'? You use that word a lot, 'neurosis', but what does it really mean?" And that's a good question! Got me thinking, actually. Got me doing some ressearch. Cuz I do use that word a lot, and... is quiclky becoming one of my favorite words in personal development work. Why? Because it goes straight to the heart of most matters and most problems that people have in life! Neurosis is the thing that makes you miserable in life! It's somewhat of a tecnical term, comes from old-school psychology back in the Sigmund Freud Era, but there's so many different angles that you can look at neurosis from. You should be very concerned about what neurosis is and you should be very interested in studying this subject because this is a thing that is making your life miserable. So, here I'm gonna give you a really rich definition of neurosis. You'll gonna get a really solid understanding by the end of this episode of what it is and how it works. But let just start off right with the list. The 40 signs that you are neurotic. Here we go: Anxiety. Obsessive thoughts. Compulsive behavior. Vague physical ailments such as: chronic fatigue syndrome, insomnia, fibromyalgia. Or anything along those lines. Depression. Suicidal thoughts. Anger or rage. Social maladjustment. For example, if you're very, very shy; or maladjusted socially in other ways. A history of dysfunctional relationships. Inability to work, for whatever reason. You know, whatever story or excuse you have for why you can't work and go make a paycheck. That's likely neurosis. Money problems. That's it's own category. For example, you're wasting your money. Or you don't have the ability to manage your money properly. Or, maybe the opposite; maybe you're tight-fisted, very thrifty with your money. Like a 'Scrooge' tipe of person. Addictions of all kinds. There's so many addictions you can potentially have. Virtually all of them are neurotically driven. Perfectionism. If you need everything done... to the letter, exactly how you want it... that's text-book neuroticism. Workaholism. Also an example of this. Stress. If you're stressed all the time. Lying. If you're a chronic and habitual liar. That's neurotically driven. Restlessness. If you can't sit still, if you're always agitated. Overeating. Phobias of all kinds, and paranoia. Being easily offended, and very touchy, sensitive and defensive. Do you find yourself being offended by people all the time, or being offended by politicians, or being offended by religions, or being offended by a violence or whatever else that goes on in the world. Constant criticism and blaming of other people. Constant criticism and blaming specially of your family, your spouse or your children. This is text-book neuroticism. Preaching and moralizing. How much of that do you do? Do you tell other people how to live their lives, specially maybe your children or your spouse? That's text-book neuroticism. Also, arguing and stubbornness. Do you find yourself in heated debates with people all the time, either at the dinner table, or at work with co-workers; or in some discussion forum on the internet or some comment section under a youtube video? Well, that's all neurotically driven. Narcissism. Neediness and codependency in relationships. Like, needing love. Needing... compliments. Needing approval. And validation, needing people to like you. Jealously and envy. Are you constantly worried that your partner or spouse is gonna cheat on you? Or your envies of what your neighbor has, what kind of car he got or how much money he earns? Or maybe your co-workers? Guilt and shame. Oh, man, this is a huge one! This is one of biggest signs if neurosis, is when you're guilting yourself all the time! How about keeping secrets? Do you have some big secrets? That you can't disclose to anybody? Like, you got some skeletons in your closet? Well, that's classic neurosis. Also, manipulation. Do you like to scheme and manipulate people? Specially those close to you, like your girlfriend or your boyfriend? Or, a co-worker or a boss? Or, a family member? Having enemies. Do you have some enemies, some people you really hate? Some people you just despise, that just make you see with hatred? Ah... That's neurosis. (chuckles) That's not normal! Playing victim. Do you feel like a victim in life; like you just can't do it; you can't lose the weight; you can't quit your drinking problem; you can't... get a raise; you can't improve your situation; you can't move to a new city, because you have all these reasons and excuses for why you can't. That's neurosis. A stiff, rigid body. Do you find your muscles and your body always stiff, to the point where you have muscle aches and pains, and maybe back pain? That kind of stuff? Are you finding yourself inflexible, like you can't bend down and touch your toes? It's often caused by neurosis! Sexual dysfunctions of all kinds are caused by neurosis! Also, sexual repression. Are you sexually repressed? Are you uncomfortable with seeing yourself naked? Are you uncomfortable with other people seeing you naked? Are you uncomfortable with your sexuality? All of that and more, is all neurosis. Are you vindictive? Do like to get back at people, do like to plot against people when they've done you wrong? That's neurotic. Also, nihilism. Are you a nihilistic person? Like, do you believe that life is pointless and meaningless and everything is just... is pointless because we're all gonna die anyways? That's neurotic. Alcohol and drug addictions, of course, neurotic. Gossiping. Is neurotic. Having no sense of humor; this is a good one, I like this one. Most people don't think about this. But, you know; those people who are very anal, that take everything too seriously, that take themselves too seriously, take life too seriously - these are classic neurotic people! And lastly, are you obsessed with your physical appearance? Are you checking yourself out on the mirror all the time, are you worried about how you don't have hair, or you don't have the kind of nose you want, or the face you want, or you don't have the right weight level, or whatever; you're always worried about how you look? That's neurotic. Any of those sound familiar? Ringed some bells? Well, they should. 'Cause you are neurotic! I guarantee you that you are. So that was the list. Now what I wanna do, is I wanna start moving into talking about what neurosis is; what's causing all this? What's at the center of all this? And I started doing some research. And I read across some work by Alexander Lowen. Who's a really brilliant psychologist, and he's a doctor. And he has done a lot of work in the field of psychotherapy. And he has some really interesting theories, some really deep... I was shocked by his... in-depth discussions; very insightful discussions, very eye-opening discussions of what neurosis is. So what I wanna do, is I wanna read you actually a couple of... Really juicy excerpts from some of his books. So, here we go, quote: He says, "The neurotic individual is in conflict with himself. Part of his being is trying to overcome another part. His ego is trying to master his body. His rational mind, to control his feelings. His will, to overcome his fears and anxieties. Though this conflict is largely unconscious, it's effect deplete the person's energy and destroy his peace of mind. Neurosis is internal conflict. The neurotic character takes many forms, but all of them involve a struggle in the individual, between what he is and what he believes he should be. Every neurotic individual is caught in this struggle." End quote. Sound familiar? Good. Let's keep going. I have another excerpt from him which is really juicy. He says, quote: "Unable to face his pain and the anger to which it gives rise, the neurotic individual strives to overcome his fears, anxieties, hostilities and anger. One part of him seeks to rise above another. Which splits the unity of his being and destroys his integrity. The neurotic person struggles to win over himself. In this, of course, he must fail! Failure seems to mean submission to an unacceptable fate, but actually, it amounts to self acceptance; which makes change possible. To the degree that most people in western culture are struggling to be different, they are neurotic. And, since this is a fight one can't win, all who engage in the struggle will fail. Strangely, though, through acceptance of this failure we become free of our neurosis." End quote. Sound familiar? Good. Let me give you one final snippet, which is really juicy. Listen to this, I love this. Quote: "Neurosis is not usually defined as fear of life, but that is what it is. The neurotic person is afraid to open it's heart to love. Afraid to reach out, or strike out. Afraid to be fully himself. More life or feeling than one is accustomed to is frightening to the person, because it threatens to overwhelm his ego, to flood his boundaries and to undermine his identity." End quote. Oh, man, that last sentence is so important! "Threatens to undermine your ego, to flood your boundaries and to undermine your identity." That's what living a full life entails. And that's the thing that you're always trying to resist! 'Cause that's kind of the ego's job. So that was Alexander Lowen; now what I wanna do is I wanna take this... understanding of neurosis that we're developing and just kinda go deeper with it. And give you a even richer definition by citing some other sources and then just giving you some of my perspective on this. We're gonna take a look at neurosis from multiple perspectives; so that you can kinda see the intersection of all these different perspectives. It's quite powerful. Wikipedia has a really nice quote that I liked; and it said this, it define neurosis as follows: "A distorted way of looking at the world and at oneself; which is determined by compulsive needs, rather than a genuine interest in the world as it is." An interest in the world as it is, not as you need it to be. Really important. How many times do I tell people that "You gotta be detached in an intimate relationship". And then, when someone hears about that, of course, what they retort with, the objection they have, is they say: "But Leo, if I don't need to be in a relationship, why would I even be in a relationship at all?" And that, right there, is just the epidemy of neurosis! Right, because the assumption there, is that if you don't need something, then you can't have it in your life. Or shouldn't be in you life, or you wouldn't want it in your life. It's like your whole life is run by needs! And not by wants. Which is really twisted! It's like you've been so neurotic for so long that you don't even know any other way of being. Kinda screwed up, don't you think? And that doesn't just applies to intimate relationships, it applies to all sorts of things in your life. Another definition of neurosis I really like is from Brad Blanton. He's a psychologist and therapist; and he defines it this way. Quote: "It is essentially a refusal to accept what is happening in the present. A neurotic is a person who incessantly demands that life be other than what it is." End quote. That's a really good one. Fundamentally, is just a denial of reality! Is what neurosis is. It's an excessive demand that things SHOULD be different than what they actually are. "Reality SHOULD be this way, or it SHOULD be that way; or she sould do this, or he should do that; or I should earn more money, or I shouldn't be sick; or my kids should be smarter, or they should get good grades; Or... something else in my life should be this way; or my shoes shouldn't be dirty, or the dog shouldn't be making a mess in the house." Right, all of these "shoulds". Everything "should" be this way; you know, taxis 'should' be low, and government 'should' give me all these benefits." "And my boss should respect me, and people should like me, and I should be financially secure, and my retirement should be guaranteed. And my health care should be provided for." "And my children shouldn't be endangered." And on, and on, and on, this list goes. This list applies not only to reality, but also to yourself! And in fact, this is the biggest crime you commit, right here. Is not just a denial of reality, but a denial of yourself! Self-denial. Denying who you actually are! And trying to be something else than what you are. This is called... Self-acceptance, right? It's a lack of self-acceptance. The neurotic person does not accept himself. This is completely unacceptable. (chuckles) It's unacceptable to accept stuff! This means disowning parts of himself. Vilifying parts of himself, like, parts of him are "evil". Like, "lying is evil", and "cheating is evil", "and being mean to people is evil", and this, and this, and that. Notice, that for the neurotic, not only are there certain positive ideals that should be in place; but there's also a strong resistence and vilification of the negative ideals. It is a problem when you have negative ideals, in the sense when you tell yourself that "lying is evil", and you know, "murder is evil, is the most horrific thing; Leo how could you even... How could you even c...consider the idea that murder is not evil?" Is this kind of atitude, is this kind of rigidity that this person takes on. 'Cause see, this rigidity that you have is a way of being. It applies in very subtle levels. On how treat yourself, how you think of yourself, and how you treat other human beings; and how you treat situations! You might get into a grocery store, and there's a long line at the grocery store, and you tell yourself: "This is stupid. How are this 20 people in this line, why don't they have more of the lines open", and so you get into this kinda of filming rage about how "the line should not be this long" and yara yara yara yara. You have all sorts of laws and rules that you've created. And now you act like the rule keeper! Making sure that everyone obeys by these rules! And of course, you tell yourself: "But Leo, no no no, you don't understand, this is necessary! I need to tell my kids that they need to clean their room. They have to clean their room! And they can't lie! Leo, they can't be liars! And my daughter, she can't be a whore! You want my daughter to be a slut? Leo, what do you... Are you crazy?! These things are like, rigid rules! These have been set by God! These have been set by society, these have been set by parents!" All these demands! What happened was, that when you were growing up, you picked up all these demands, and all these rules, and all these laws; largely unconsciously without you being even aware of it; -You didn't even know you had an option! You just absorbed all these like a sponge. Because you didn't know any better. And now you try to live by them. And specially if you've been religiouly raised or educated, you have a really big problem with this, 'cause you've been moralized to your whole life! By the church and by the parents! (sniffle) But see, the thing they didn't tell you is that this takes away your freedom! And that this makes you neurotic. Highly, highly neurotic and actualy highly imoral and highly irreligious! This is the exact opposite of what religion was meant to make you! But, you know... In our society that way that religion is twisted in on itself; it produces the exact opposite effects of what was intended in it's original meaning! You know, I don't know about Jesus, I don't know who he was, when he was, what he was, or if he even existed; but I can guarantee you this: if he was enlightened, which... all evidence suggests; then he was anti-neurotic! He didn't have any rules by which he lived his life, do you understand this? This is really hard for religious people to understand! Enlightened people are completely free, they have no rule by which they live their life! Now, see, the moral person, he says: "But Leo, if he didn't have any rules how couldn't he just go out and kill babies?" (chuckles) As if that's what you need to not kill babies, is you need rules handed down to you by the church! See, that's the lowest level of morality that exists! That kind of morality! The highest levels of morality, have no rules, no principles, no laws, no commandments and no one is gonna punish you! They are all intrinsic, they come from the inside, from understanding what reality is! From being conscious, from being aware. See, a conscious, a highly conscious individual, does not need a bunch of rules! They know how to behave, they don't need to discipline themselves really harshly! They know how to behave simply through suficcient awareness! Now, the people who are lazy and don't build up suficcient awareness, and that have low consciousness, what they need is they need a bunch of rules! But, see, these rules are so rigid that they inevitably backfire on you. And, one bitter pill you'll gonna have to swallow, if you've been living this kind of very rigid life-style, is that man... if you want to advance forward and you wanna really develop yoursef to high levels, and you really wanna develop your morality, and your ethics, and you wanna become a really good decent human being; then you need to start abandoning all those rules! Which leads me to the next point, a neurotic - one way to look at a neurotic - is someone who clings to beliefs and to identity. Fundamentally, why is a neurotic neurotic? Because he is clinged to beliefs, and he finds safety and security there. And he is really afraid to abandon those, and to live life freely; because he thinks "Leo, if I just abandon everything, if I have no principles or anchors to guide me, then I'm just going to be a devil! How am I going to live? This freedom is gonna destroy me!". That's the neurotic's fear! And so, instead, what he does, he becomes an ideological fundamentalist. And he has a certain dogma that he advocates and that he preaches to everybody else, he needs everybody to believe in his dogma, to not question his own dogma too much. Because, it's important! It's the truth! This is how it is! There are no alternatives! Why does he tell himself that and others? He tells others that as well. He has to. Because... This is the only thing that anchors him, if he loses that, then he is completely lost! 'Cause he hasn't developed the ablility to actualy utilize freedom responsibly and consciously. A neurotic is also very often lost in monkey mind. Arguing, in his own mind, with what is and how things ought to be. Other than what they actually are! Do you have that? Think about it. How much time during the day do you devote to having internal dialogues and arguments about "How the children shouldn't be this way, and the husband shouldn't be that way, and my boss shouldn't be this way; and the school officials, the professor, he shouldn't have done this", And then, also you apply it to yourserf too, it's like "I shouldn't have gone partying and drinking on friday night. That was so stupid of me. And I shouldn't have... You know, I shouldn't have... Not prepared for that test, you know, I should have prepared for that test; I wasn't responsible. And I shouldn't have eaten that dinner, yesterday, that was a terrible, unhealthy dinner. Now I feel so bad about eating that". This kind of arguments. This is the epidemy of neurosis, when you're having these in your mind. And think about just how many of those you have. On a regular basis. That, right there, is just sapping all of the happiness and joy out of your life. And if continues long enough over years and decades, it either turns you into a perpetual victim, who can't get anything done in life; or somebody who's just very angry and bitter at the whole world. Or someone who's so depressed that they wanna shoot themselves. Another way to look at neurosis is emotional avoidance. Again, fundamentally what you're doing and the reason you're becoming neurotic is because you're avoiding emotions! Why would you avoid emotions? Well, because emotions are hard to predict! You can't codify rules of emotions, emotions just come! There's a loss of control with emotions! Both the good emotions, and the bad emotions. So, a neurotic person becomes this anal-retentive, puritanical person, like the puritan. Can't have fun, has to stick up his ass. Doesn't feel very high, doesn't feel very low. Tries to avoid all emotions. His heart is encased in a three-foot block of concrete! And so he doesn't really love, he doesn't really feel fear or sadness, or any of these things -he tries to protect himself from all of that. And this is fundamentally, as Alexander Lowen said quote, "a fear of life". You fear really living! Life is an emotional game! Is not a logical game. It's not an idelogical game. It's not a rational game. It's an irrational, emotional game! And boy, a lot of you rationalists out there who fancy yourselves very logical and scientific-minded, this is your greatest weakness right here. Is that in your logic and your rationality you avoid emotions! And you put logic above emotions, when in fact logic is way down the list. What really runs your life are emotions! But for the neurotic person, what he tries to do is he tries to control emotions with logic. In the same way that you take a horse and you strap it into... into all it's gears and rigging, and just trap it into a carriage and now you think you've got the horse under control! Except of course, this horse never gets tamed. This is a wild horse! And so it drives you crazy your whole life, you try to control this horse, and it never goes where you want it to go, 'cause this is a wild horse that you've tried to just enslave. And it doesn't work. And it drives you crazy. Drives the horse crazy. But see, this is all going on inside you, so you're internally conflicted - you're always in battle with yourself! Except what's really bad is that you probably don't even recognize that this is happening! This is an unconscious conflict. That's what's going on here. Largely unconscious conflict, and you don't know why you hate life, why you're miserable, why you're frustrated, why you keep failing to get into good relationships, or why you keep failing in business, or why you keep failing to lose weight; and all this kind of stuff. Why you fail to find the right man, or to find the right woman for you. Well, because you have this very deep structural unconscious conflicts. And because you're so rigid with your belief system, there's no possibility for there to be an opening. For light to shine in there. And it just festers and gets worse and worse and worse. Quite tragic. Quite tragic. That's why raising your awareness is one of the most important things you can do if you want to self-actualize and grow as a human being. There are no highly developed human beings who have low awareness. It's not possible. Another way to think about neurosis is self-sabotage. Are you frustrated with your self-sabotaging behavior? Maybe you're an artist, and you self-sabotage your work. Or maybe you get into relationships or marriages and you sabotage those. And it's consistent, like, there's a pattern of it. And what's really scary, is that you can see the pattern happening! It even becomes conscious! You see the self-sabotage happening. Maybe with food, you keep getting on diets but then you keep you keep self-sabotaging. You keep seeing this! And you can't stop it! You don't know how to stop it. Because you're looking at the surface of things, you're not going down to the very roots of your neurosis. And so, you might start one business and fail, and go into bankruptcy; then you start the next business, the next business, the next business... and you think like: "What don't I understand about business?" But see, it's probably not a business problem. It's a problem that's much deeper in your psyche! It's a much more fundamental problem! Probably you're not accepting reality, you're not accepting yourself... And so on and so forth. And you get caught in this kind of vicious cycles of flailing around; you flail around in your relationshiop, and then you flail around some more; in another one, and in another one, and you just kinda flail around, you think something is gonna happen, something is gonna improve; but the more action you take the more you self-sabotage! So, action isn't the solution for you! You need to shine awareness into the problem, rather then just blindly take action! And this is where a lot of neurotic people go wrong. And here's another perspective at which to look at and define neurosis: Neurosis can be seen as forced action. The neurotic person thinks he can use his will to bruteforce his way into the solution! Without understanding the deeper issues involved. He thinks that he can just use harsh self-discipline to acomplish the job. And to live life. So, anytime that you're not getting the results you want, as a neurotic, what you do is you say: "Okay, I'm buckling down even more. I'm gonna apply even more willpower this time. This time I really mean it, and if I don't carry it through, I'm gonna... I'm really gonna stick it to myself". And so you develop this kind of self-flagellating, very harsh self-displine. And this creates... A rift inside of you. You break integrity with yourself, because you develop this pattern of not being able to actually trust yourself! When you create a goal, or you have a vision for something you wanna accomplish in your life, you know you've got a history where you do not accomplish goals unless you beat yourself to death. With fear, with guilt. And so, you try to use this negative motivation to get to high places in life, and it does't work. It can work to some degree, but it only gets you so far. It doesn't get you to the really good stuff on life. You can't really self-actualize using that kind of approach! So action isn't always the solution. Sometimes requires turning inward. That's why you self-sabotage, that's why you can't change your patterns; is because you're trying to turn outward for outward solutions all the time, well you know what? The deepest solutions are inside you. And you don't know how to turn inside, "Leo, how do I turn inside? What does that really mean?" Well that's why you're neurotic! That's why you're fucked up. 'Cause you don't know how. And that requires... some real deep study. That's not something I can just explain to you in five minutes! I have shot over a hundred hours of video on this topics. And I still feel like I've just started scratching the surface! This requires a real commitment to wanting to understand yourself. To find your authentic self. To love yourself. See, the fundamental problem with this harsh self-discipline approach, is that you're really... You're not accepting yourself, you're not loving yourself, you're not being kind or compassionate to yourself. And then, of course, you can't be kind or compassionate or loving to other people if you can't be that way towards yourself. So it's another perspective for you right there. And finally, to kinda sum up this definition.. Two really easy ways to think about neurosis. When I say neurosis, and I call someone neurotic, usually I just mean it as dysfunctional. Neurotic and dysfunctional, I use quite synonymously, although there are some differences. But that's a good nutshell way to put it. And then, perhaps, my favorite nutshell for what neurosis is, is ass-backwards. Is living life ass-backwards, that's what you're doing. Rather than turning inward, you turn outward. Rather than accepting, you're rejecting. Rather than surrendering, you're always fighting. See, the most unacceptable thing to the neurotic, is to actually surrender. To surrender to truth, to surrender to reality, to surrender to what is. He can't accept that. That's unacceptable to him. It needs to be otherwise. And there's always, of course, good stories for why it needs to be otherwise and why "Leo I can't believe you", and "Leo I can't do what you're saying because if I did then 'XYZ' would happen in my life". There's a lot of really good stories and lies in your mind about why this is. But those are the things that need to be really inspected with your awareness. To get clarity and truth around it. So does all this sound familiar? Ringing some bells? I hope so. 'Cause you are neurotic. You are neurotic. You might wonder at this point: "Well, what's the opposite of neurosis? What's the alternative? Is everything neurotic? Is everyone neurotic? No! Not everyone. A lot of people are, but not everyone and it's not the only way to live life! There are alternatives. What's the opposite of neurosis? I'm glad you asked. It's peace of mind. That's it. Peace of mind. And what is peace of mind? Peace of mind is being happy with exactly what is! Not what you want, not what you think should be, but what is. Now, this might sound kinda funny, even contradictory, coming from me; 'cause you're probably thinking like: "Leo, what do you mean 'what is'? What happened to self-actualization and, growing yourself and becoming this ideal person and all this?" You wanna be careful about that. Gotta be careful about that, and I've been guilty of that myself. Is approachig self-actualization with a neurotic frame of mind. Like, there's some ideal you gotta get to. This is one of the paradoxes of personal development, is that at the same time you have to accept yourself exactly as you are, and reality exactly as it is, and then... also you gotta be commited to growing and improving and getting more authentic. But not in a neurotic way. It can be difficult to swallow that. Hard to reconcile that. Takes a while, takes a lot of study to start to get your mind around that little brain twister right there. But, let's get back to peace of mind, I don't wanna get too far of track here. (sigh) What you really crave, secretly crave from life is you crave peace of mind. If only your mind could be still and just give you some peace. You could just (sigh) Ahh! Just relax and enjoy your life, a little bit. For a few seconds. That's what you really want. Except, see, your neurotic mind is going about it all backwards. Bacause to actually get peace of mind you'll have to do a 180. Your strategy has to change completely! This is a very counter-intuitive thing! The reason people don't have peace of mind, and happiness, is because is extremely counter-intuitive! Is not what you would typically think you would need to do to get it. Most people turn outward. And that doesn't work. So how do you get it? The most direct way is enlightenment. Check out my enlightenment videos, spiritual enlightenment. I got some great videos on that topic. It's an advanced topic, but... is the most direct way to get there. And the second most direct way is self-actualization work. What is self-actualization work? Everything on this website, everything on my YouTube channel. Over a hundred hours of content, on how to do self-actualization. All of this stuff, in my videos, if you follow it; generally speaking, it will make you less and less neurotic, over time. It will make you more accepting of reality and yourself, as you are. In an ironic way; 'cause you know, in a lot of videos I tell you to "Change and be this way, and don't be that way", it seems kinda like I'm telling you to not accept yourself. Because usually I'm stressing this component of taking action. You know, but there's also a component of self-acceptance, so that's kinda what I'm stressing now. And this is gonna be weird for you, you'll not gonna want to accept both this things at the same time. You have to, though. If you want to really grow. Make no mistake that, if you're not enlightened, then you are neurotic. There's no way you can not be enlightened... and... not be neurotic. Because without enlightenment, you fundamentally misunderstand what reality is. And so, quite simply, you can't align yourself with reality when you don't understand what reality is. You also can't align yourself with your authentic self! When you don't understand who you authentically are. Really. Like, absolutely. Existentially. This issue goes very deep. And I don't have enough time to cover all the existencial issues here, right now. So... Go check out some of my other videos for more depth on this. So... Yeah, you are neurotic, there only question is to what degree are you neurotic? Some of you are neurotic to extraordinary degrees, to the point where no one can even be in a relationship with you. Or to the point where you can't even take care of yourself, you can't even feed yourself. Can't even wake up in the morning. Get out of bed on time. Some of you are like that, some of you are generally successful and pretty good, and maybe you even earn six figures and so forth; but you're still quite goddamn neurotic! Which is why you're not fulfilled with your six figures, and seven figures, and whatever... how many figures you make, and how many houses you have, and you know; how many girlfriends you have and all this... It doesn't really make a difference. Because you still got those neurosis in there that you gotta go take care of. So what do we do about all this? What's the action step? Well... Hold up there with the action. This is more about consciousness, this is more about awareness. So what I propose here is that you make some commitment, right now. Say the following words that I'm gonna say. Do it with me. I want you to commit to some of the stuff you heard about here. If you feel like you're tired of being neurotic and you wanna change this, then here's a good way to do it. Make the following commitments which I wanna help you to make. I'm gonna say them first, then you repeat after me. There's gonna be about 5 or 7 lines that I want you to repeat. This is gonna be good for your mind. Drill it right in there. Alright? So, first thing I want you to say is the following: "I am neurotic." Repeat after me, go! "I am neurotic." Good. Say it like you mean, like you've really realized; like you learned something about yourself here. Hope you have. Now, the next one. I'm gonna say it, then you'll gonna say it. "I commit to discovering the roots of my neurosis." Go! Good! Now the next one. "I commit to aligning with empirical reality." Go. Good. Now the next one. "I commit to dropping all socially acquired beliefs." Go. Good. Now the next one. "I commit to be more open to all emotions." Go. Good. Now the next one. "I commit to loving myself and my life." Go! Good. Now the next one. "I commit to dropping my 'should' statements." My 'shoulds'. All those things you tell yourself you should stop doing. Or you have to keep doing. Ready? Go. Good. The next one. "I commit to GRADUAL self-improvement." "Gradual" is the key word. Ready? Go! And lastly, say this with me: "I commit to not being neurotic about my self-improvement." Ready? Go. Alright. Awesome! Good job. I hope you did that. If you haven't, go back and do it. Rewind it and do it. And now, I'm gonna give you your final assignment. Pull out o piece of paper, take out a pen; and I want you to right now, after this episode is over, to sit down quietly, and to think about and write down your top 5 neurosis. What are your top 5 neurotic behaviors? Make a list, 1 through 5, and once you've got that list, then what you do is you ask yourself: "What's the rock bottom root cause that's motivating this behavior?" "What's the rock bottom root cause that's motivating this behavior?" Don't be satisfied with a surface-level explanation. It's not just because you want someone to marry. Or you want more money in your bank account. That's not a good enough reason. Go deeper. What about you do you have to believe? What about reality do you have to believe that's motivating you to be neurotic here? Dig deep. Alright? Get awareness over these things. Get to very root of your neurosis. Alright. I'm signing off. Please, click the "like" button. If you'd like to support Actualized.org, help by submitting your feedback and clicking those buttons. Also, post your comments down below. Share this video with a friend. And then, finally, come check out Actualized.org, the website. I got a lot of cool content on there, some exclusive content. I've got a cool course on there, I got a book list on there. I'm releasing new videos every single week. I have a newsletter there, for free. Which updates you every single week with all the stuff that I release. Stay on board. Sign up. I hope you can see that, you know, this commitment you just made to gradual self-improvement, this takes time. And the biggest problem you'll gonna have is you'll gonna fall off track. So the biggest... (sigh) value that I can provide to you with Actualized.org, not only just giving some of this really deep information which you do need, and I'll be giving you more of that; but also just keeping you motivated, keeping you inspired, keeping you on track. So you don't forget about this. 'Cause if you stay on track for just a couple of years, I know you'll gonna start to see amazing results. I get feedback from... From clients, and from just random strangers online; and even random strangers that meet me on the streets and in restaurants. I get feedback from how their lives are changing by following some of this stuff that I say. So it does work. Stick around. It's not magic. But it really, really can change your life over the course of several years. So... this is the most important thing, I think, you can be doing with your life. So, anyways... Sign up, stay tuned and I'll see you soon.