7 Hidden Questions That Quietly Bother The Narcissist

[Music] there's one thing that we can say with a great deal of certainty about narcissus and that is they have great difficulty being real or being authentic or genuine narcissists are mask wearers and I don't mean that in the Cova 19 sense of the word I mean that in the psychological sense of the word what you see on the outside is not necessarily indicative of what's really going on on the inside you'll notice that they're constantly angling for the favoured position so let's just pause right there how does that happen well somewhere along the way usually it's deep into their early development these individuals came to the determination this world is not necessarily going to be friendly and predisposed towards me and they may have had a lot of criticism or have been exposed to all sorts of conditional acceptance and so they decided you know the best way for me to be as somebody is for me to control the narrative and so this explains why sometimes they can be chameleons they are very demanding and controlling in the way that they react with you they have an agenda as to how you're supposed to see them because they've written the script so they get to be the hero at the end of it all they can be hypersensitive when someone comes along and says hey wait a minute I'm on to you there's there's their behavior their mannerism implies that they have a lot of unfinished business that they just simply have not come to terms with so that in mind let's recognize you can tell more about a person not by their self-report but by the way they conduct themselves in their basic interactions and I want to see if we can expose seven unspoken questions that quietly haunt that narcissus from the inside out okay so let's get right to it the first question that we're going to say that's unresolved on the inside of the narcissus is these individuals asked do you think that I'm significant that's a huge question for them you'll notice that they really have as a deep and natural hunger for affirmation to the point of adoration now we all want to be significant in some way we all want to be affirmed but then when we get to the point where we can be so offended when someone comes along and says something very simple like I disagree with you that's like you don't refer to me and then they're their insecurities that comes along when there's a different Nisour when someone doesn't really give them that high and lofty status implies that deep down on the inside they don't really know if they're significant or not they look for superficial reasons or indicators that might imply they're significant you know they have a big car or they they're the one that you know is the chairman of this committee or they have these nice things over here that the kind of makes them feel like I'm a somebody but down at the base of things they don't have a sense of calmness or peace or patience those would be indicators of a person that says I have my significance pretty well worked out I'm okay with myself that's a question do you think that I'm significant that's a question they have not come to terms with a second question and that is and this kind of goes along with the first one who can I get the stroke my ego okay now you'll notice that throughout many of the videos we have and you have with others that you follow you hear terms like narcissistic supply or flying monkeys and I've put out a video about useful idiots the narcissists are constantly looking for lackeys that they can bring into their lives that will say yes yes sir yes ma'am you're you're yet you're the one and so narcissist like to collect people that they think that they can control and then if it's something if it's a big fish so to speak and they can say hey look that person's on my team they hunger for praise they hunger for trophies they they have the need to have the appearance that says I have now made it they they hunger for sexual affirmation somebody that's going to stroke their ego in that kind of way anything that that lets them know okay now people have acknowledged I'm a somebody but the fact that they have to do that implies that that's an unsettled question on the inside that it's not really something they've really come to terms with a third question they struggle with quietly and that is how do I compare to everyone else if you noticed of course I asked this question rhetorically have you noticed that they have to be on top don't think to them life is a competition who's better who's worse they use what I refer to as evaluative thinking if I can be evaluated as the best the finest the most important then that means I win and so they they'll also look at you and they'll think in evaluation terms for you you're no good you're a loser you're dumb you're an idiot and so they put life into a scheme of high-low suit and superior inferior and they they try to work the narrative so they can be superior because they really some want to be known as being average how do I compare to everyone else I've got to be on top because that's the only way I know that I am somebody the notion of equality is completely lost on them a fourth question that they struggle to come to terms with and that is what do I have to do to get what I want see these people are very needy they're very demanding but then that the narcissist takes that neediness and turns it into scheming they're schemers they're on the prowl they try to figure out what they can do to make other individuals do their bidding and so the evidence that that's an unfinished issue within themselves is to just watch how they intimidate people now the reason out of the way I'm going to give them what I want is I'm going to intimidate you and to do them what I tell you to do they use guilt on you they use blame and shame they can run smear campaigns they try to bribe people whatever they have to do but it's like I've got to get what I want and I'm afraid that if I just live as a regular person nobody's gonna pay attention to me but if I can be a bully or if I can be overwhelming or a force to be reckoned with that means as somebody they've not really come to terms with that whole issue another question number five that narcissists have not come to terms with is why don't people respect me now the biggest evidence that we can show that that says that the narcissist has not come to terms with that it's just watch for their anger what's the function of anger you know if you and I have an anger between us between one another that's like hailing we're not on the same page and I've got a frustration let's talk about it let's see if we can come to terms with our differences the the narcissist when they go to their place of anger they go immediately to hey you're not showing me the respect that I deserve now that's nice to say I'd like to have some respect but the fact that they can be triggered so strongly and their anger can be so overpowering implies that they don't really know if they are respectful they have to have it from you that they can't just have their own inner calmness and peace that says well if you disagree fact is I can listen to you and maybe I'll even learn something but their their anger is in direct proportion to their question about whether they are indeed a respectful person they they just don't know what to do with it when somebody doesn't give them this respect they feel like they deserve a sixth question they've not come to terms with is why did people not trust me now again I want you to think the evidence that this is an unfinished question is in their defensive nough suppose someone comes along and says I'm not really sure why you did a instead of B and so they can come along and say you think I'm an idiot do you think I just don't know what I'm talking about I think it's good to have this pathological defense of this it's like no I'm just trying to get some clarification oh so now you're telling me that I don't even know what I'm talking about and they can have this deep need to defend themselves they have to justify themselves many times they're defensive by becoming offensive so they put you on the defense but but basically they're so thin-skinned and and they're thin-skinned nature says I can't believe that somebody would have a question about me I don't think you trust me and rather than learning how to develop their own self Trust like we've talked in other videos they just go stay they stay stuck in that sense of defensive 'no stand then a seventh question that's obviously left unanswered on the inside and that is what would happen if people discovered unflattering things about me and scares them to death so the evidence that they've not come to terms with that issue is they lie they keep secrets they they reveal only half-truths or they just don't let you know certain things about who they are they're constantly in a cover-up kind of mode because it's like well if I find if people find out that I'm somebody who makes mistakes or I have failings or difficulties or if I've spent money in ways that they don't want me to spend or if I have priorities that they may disapprove of they may think that I'm no good so I'll keep doing that stuff because I'm so impressed with me but I'm really afraid what would happen if people found out who the real me is and so they don't want to be seen in an unflattering light and instead of changing their behavior so they don't have to worry about it they just cover up they go into secret-keeping mode all of this implies narcissists are tormented Souls now they will try to let you know I'm comfortable with who I am I'm real comfortable with me but the fact that they have so many patterns and behaviors and and tendencies that speak of strain and difficulty and they just seem to bring all sorts of difficulty to the relationships where they go it says know you've got all of these questions that you've not come to terms with that are haunting you from the inside out and then you're trying to put your solutions onto me like I'm supposed to be the wind ISM that makes you feel wonderful and I'm not going to play that role now ideally the narcissist would take a look at these seven questions that I've mentioned and say you know I've got some real thinking to do I've got a need for some tremendous insight I'd like to do the hard work of figuring all that out is that going to happen every now and then you might get that to happen maybe after a big huge crisis but more often than not it doesn't happen so that being the case I'm hoping that you can read some of their behaviors and recognize that they're offbeat behaviors are indicative of their own inner turmoil and rather than taking responsibility for making that go away which is what they're trying to do you can decide you know I've got enough work to do on my side of the street I'm trying to be a clean and right and proper kind of individual and if this person doesn't want to do the hard work within themselves then that's someone I can't afford to be attached to I'm going to be in a growth mode I'm going to be over here working to be on Team healthy and I'm not going to get entangled with all of their their unfinished business that they're trying to push off onto me I think hope that you get some insight as you go through videos such as this and if you'd like I'd encourage you to hit that subscribe button so we can keep more videos coming your way sometimes when you are apprised of topics like this it can stir up some questions on the inside and you might decide I'd like to get some help from a licensed professional counselor and right now online counseling is a very popular kind of thing so we've vetted a trusted sponsor we have a link below there if you need that get the counseling I really encourage you to do that and we have a link that can take you to some people that can do that for you in addition we have our other websites surviving narcissism TV by dr. les Carter comm we have links to my books my online video workshops and we even have coffee mugs so although yourself the things that are beneath the video they just know that as you have an awareness of what's cooking on the inside of the narcissist that gives you a sense of insight and it gives you the ability to plan how you're going to manage your life relative to them and I want you to stay away from their confusion and I'm hoping that you can have steadiness I'm hoping that you can have self-awareness and in doing so I hope that it leads you and keeps you in a life of peace [Music]

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