Are you willing to disappear Mooji

Mmm... - Yeah, I feel I've taken up enough time... - Whooo! There's another dirty one. - Alright, yes...okay. - That's another dirty one. You are totally, totally... - No, all right... I'll be more honest, sorry. I'm feeling uncomfortable, yeah. - Okay, okay. - I'm feeling uncomfortable... that's what's going on. Yes, yes. ... a bit panicked. The discomfort comes because you are beginning to recognise a little bit some, you know, some... gremlins. - Some what? - Gremlins. - Gremlins. - Yeah, little bit of thought bubbles that will dare, you know... that, ah, they... - It's that last bit you said, you know, about being the last flare of the fire, somehow that's terrifying... and yet, you know, there's another part... there is this that knows that I don't die. Nothing dies. Everything is... - There's something else that sometimes is deeply - ...and that's so strong... yeah. - Let me tell you what it is. It's amazing that there's maybe six or seven billion people on the planet and this one thought, I'm going to tell you what it is - no secret: The fear of losing my identity is so strong that a handful of human beings will come out of it. - And yet the longing for it at the same time... does it, do they...they seem to co-exist. - Maybe that's the tension of existence itself, I don't know. But I'll tell you this thing, that this thought - that somehow I'm just going to be thinned out into the Infinite! which sounds great... "maybe the Buddha did it, but you know what? I have my kids to look after and I got my job to do..." is enough to put you again into another womb, and you will purchase it, almost gratefully. This idea that somehow.... at last, when the bubbles are going and it's like...ahhh!..something... something... I was just in Brazil just now. We had a beautiful satsang one evening with people who have been on this journey of seeking for a long time. and it was so powerful, I would say. And then the next day, one woman came and she said she was feeling a lot of fears. A lot of fear was coming up, and one of the friends there, Hari Dharma, said to her, "Well, look, Mooji's here. Come and..." She says, "No, I don't want to go in there," "I don't want to go inside there." "Because when I go in this place with him," "I start to feel I am disappearing." - Hmmm... - "I am disappearing and..." "I'm sorry, like, don't...I'm not ready for that at all," you know? This is what it's about. Are you willing to disapper? Or do you want to keep on appearing? - Or it's more comfortable looking over the gate, and not actually going through it. - Is it? Is it? It's because of thoughts like that you have been bearing UNBEARABLE discomfort - Hmmm. - ... in the idea that over there... ahhh! "At least I am here, - "Maybe over there, I am not." But 'I' as, 'I' as separation, I am not. The mind will create delusion that even when you were sitting with maybe a being who is free, you still won't believe it, you see. You're thinking, 'Oh yeah, but maybe... 'maybe he's not really completely free.' 'Maybe that's why we can see him, because in my mind, if you are free...' 'you're gone!' Something overrides ...the obvious. And says, "But I mean, what it means..." (which is the fear generated through your own mind) "is that to return to my Self," "is know, whoa!...the Big Bang....whoa!" Or something (like that) "And I'm just not going to be..." "I'm not going to know myself as I've always known myself." And there is endearment to that idea of self, even though whatever else is going on... "At least, you know, I am a self." "I have autonomy." You see? "I have privacy." "And if I am going to" "discover my Buddha nature," "Hhhh, you know, it seems like a big price to pay!" And I said, "Yeah, but what price are you paying?" It's not like... it's not anymore like you're being asked to hand over all your sweeties for something. Saying, but you know, what is... what is the fear even, you see? The fear is the expectation that something is going to be so different that I will not be able to, if it goes wrong, you know, I will not be able to retrieve my... you know, where I was before. You want to tie a string around you to go into the unknown so that in case I don't like it, ahh! I can... I can guide my way back into the known! This is the game your mind plays. - There was a feeling in the middle of that dark space that the only place I could settle was just watching acts of kindness, simple acts of kindness with ordinary people, and that seemed to be enough to let go of this whole thing. And I felt thatI didn't want to come to any more satsangs. I didn't want to sit around any more people looking for so-called enlightenment. I just, you know, was happy to just let that be enough. - Yes, the mind wants to strike a deal. It's an early deal. - Mmm. Okay. - Yeah, it's an early deal... quick payoff... and it might sound great: "I've been to enough satsangs..." "After all, you know me, like nothing really FANTASTIC has happened, you know." "And now, I mean, whew!" - No, it...that wasn't the feeling; the feeling was you know, 'YOU'VE done all this stuff and you haven't used any of it.' 'You haven't taken it on board.' I haven't, you know, the... - All right, oh that's your bogeyman! - Back, yeah, back in the old sort of stuff. - Yes, yes. - And when I first got involved with this, with... in a concrete form with the Sufis, I remember the feelings that, you know, I was quite young then, the feeling was so strong of why would I ever leave? Why would I ever leave? And I can remember some feeling like that when I was a child. - All your talk is based upon yourself as a particular 'I' identity. - Okay. - You're still holding inside that. And if there's an identity, there is an 'I' entity. What is this entity? What is it that you're speaking about? Who are you, the one that is being represented through these words? Pleae take a look. Because it could just be that you're postponing.