Aziz Ansari Talks About Selling Swords TIME

and that's why they call me Prince Charming cuz I always find the glass slipper for my Cinderella these are way too tight well the real Cinderella didn't have hippo feet Tom we're back Jeremy suck it by the way I've been giving away free sports bra to the girls a hot dog on a stick hello I'm Gilbert Cruz for time and we're here with aziz ansari stand-up comedian and co-star of NBC's Parks & Recreation which is currently in its third season Aziz thank you for being with us today no problem our first question is from Olivia Wilcox from Yorktown Heights New York do you have a special ritual that you perform before you get on stage every night that's a racist question no um I don't have any kind of special ritual I sometimes will listen to the previous show and hear if there's any changes I made that I wanted to continue making in the current show and that's about it I'll just drink tea it's all really boring it's no no cocaine or heroin any of that it's like drinking tea with honey and lemon listening to the previous show very responsible type of things sounds very peaceful it's not like you know Eddie Murphy getting rest up before delirious or something like that no no it's very nerdy our next question is from Chris old truggy from Chicago if this whole comedy thing doesn't work out for you what's your fallback jeez I still need to have a fallback come on Chris I'm not I'm not pulling enough Jesus I need a fallback still I think so Hollywood is fickle it's true I would probably solve knives on the Home Shopping Network or sores no I'll make that swords I can be pretty enthusiastic and like tell people how awesome swords are and you know brag about the craftsmanship or whatever should be fine what do you think is the ideal time slot for selling swords on the Home Shopping Network I would say between 4:15 and 4:30 5:00 a.m. that's when the sword enthusiasts are up that's what guys like so they're way out of it and you're thinking you know what maybe I should get a sword our our next question is from Brenda Garcia from Jakarta Indonesia if you could invite a plastic comedian one of the greats to dinner who would it be for me the who I really grew up and who was one of my big inspirations and who have lucky enough to been able to me a couple of times as Chris Rock Chris's stuff was really for my generation I think the seminal comedy specials when I was in high school and college so he he's someone I should get dinner with sometime what was it about his comedy or his presence on stage what was it about him that I think he just really hit the zeitgeist with with those specials like he really kind of said what everyone was thinking about a lot of different topics and it was something different and was a very unique comedic voice and obviously he's still around and still has a pretty big impact on stand up and and comedy general right I feel like what Chris Rock and maybe with the people for him they were those specials whether they were on VHS or cable or whatever like they were such events when they came out is it is it more difficult these days when everything's so fractured when he gets her clips on the internet to make as big of a of a splash with your stuff it's a little bit different now I think there's a lot more comedy specials that are out and it's not as much of a big deal when HBO puts out a Comedy Hour and it's definitely hard to set yourself apart for sure doll let's beg Bergen off from Almaty Kazakhstan Wow don't you get tired sometimes of being funny don't you get tired of being from Cossacks do I get tired of being funny uh sometimes as a comedian it can be tiring when people want you to be on like you're like hey do something funny tell me joke that can be a little tiring but I think if you do this kind of thing there's a part of you your personality that likes being funny and enjoys exercising that part of your brain or else you wouldn't do it I hope you wouldn't do it right Aziz our last question is from Ricardo Diaz Cardell Magath um Mexico City if there is a fight between cowboys and ninjas who wins really Ricardo this you took you took time out of your life to write that down and email that to Time magazine I think Ricardo needs an answer Ricardo between cowboys and ninjas cowboys and ninjas I guess ninjas they seem like they would probably be more stealthy in the situation but they probably would also not be armed it depends on how many ninjas and how many Cowboys there are it's very logical they would have swords that you would have sold them on late-night TV yes if they were night owl ninjas that are watching cable access late at night they would probably bought swords for me you've made Ricardo's day I'm sure of it Ricardo I hope you're happy you wasted everyone's life for 30 seconds Aziz thank you for taking questions from Time readers oh I'm very flattered that they even had questions for me in that you guys sat down with me so thank you very much you