BILDNIS EINER TRINKERIN Berlinale Ticket of No Return

She, a woman of great beauty, of antique grace and Raphaelesque proportions, a woman, created like no other, to be Medea, Madonna, Beatrice, Iphigenia, Asposia, decided one sunny winter day to leave La Rotonda. She bought a one-way ticket to Berlin-Tegel. Good morning, madam, can I help you? Good morning. I would like to have a seat reserved for the next possible flight to Berlin, please. Single or return? Single, no return. Single, no return. PORTRAIT OF A FEMALE DRUNKARD She wanted to forget her past, or rather leave it like a house to be demolished. To concentrate all her strength on one affair. Her affair. It was her desire to finally follow her destiny. Berlin, a city completely foreign to her, seemed to be the place to live out her passion. Her passion was to drink, live to drink, a drunken life. Life of a drunkard. Upon landing at Berlin-Tegel she had made a decision that was irrevocable. Thanks to a Berlin brochure, given to her by a friendly stewardess, she decided to draw up a drinking schedule. The detailed description of a sightseeing tour gave her guidance and all-round assistance. She decided to do a sort of boozer's sightseeing. In short, to adapt a sightseeing tour to her personal needs. Berlin seemed to be just right for her purpose in a special way. Her plans for a narcissistic pessimistic worship of loneliness had become deeper on the short flight and intensified to the point where they entered a stage worthy of living, where there was to be no risk of losing them in realms of fantasies. Now the time had come to make it all come true. Berlin-Tegel, Reality. Berlin-Tegel, please, Reality. Berlin welcomes the ladies, Common Sense, Social Issue, Accurate Statistics. You are expected at the information desk. The three ladies, Common Sense, Accurate Statistics and Social Issue, please go to the information desk. WAHNFRIED TOURS - BERLIN Fucking pig! You knocked down all I own. Fucking bastard! Have you ever been told that you look like a flap-eared gawk? Got a moustache too, Mr Schnauzer! You're arrogant too, Mr Schnauzer, you're a swine! Ruined everything! Shit! Please consider that alcohol was a factor in 14% of fatal accidents caused by pedestrians in 1972 and that at least 40% of all fatal road accidents were caused by alcohol. A blessing in disguise! The taxi driver seems to be more like an unobtrusive drunkard. Schnauzer! What an arsehole! Everything broken! Cheat! Crook! Madam! Only ten marks for the whole pack! 25, and once more... "Ladies and gentlemen, at table 1, baccarat can begin. Please take your reserved seats." No more bets. No more bets. But consider, my dear, that the emancipated woman is often insecure and more prone to alcohol abuse. Let's keep to the statistics. This is an extrapolation that was made during a survey of the Bremen area in 1973... She never shook hands, didn't say hello or goodbye, and never seemed to hear "How do you do?" Berlin will always be Berlin. - Take a city tour. I'll get your material in time. I have to write postcards. What shall we have? Hound's-tooth, as usual? Yes, three hound's-tooth, please. To speak of damage from alcoholism in its various forms in terms of marks and pfennigs... It's a matter of values, not figures. ...is of special interest to us, because public opinion is more impressed by figures. Believe me, for prevention and rehabilitation measures against alcohol abuse it makes no difference whether millions are affected or millions of marks are spent. The unknown quantity is also important. There are always errors in statistics. 26%... - Can't you forget your figures for a moment and remember the congress in Kenya when this lovely little blackamoor served us a huge banana ice cream shaped like a swan? The group of housewives without any other work makes up represents the lion's share of alcoholics with 39.2%. But amongst the chronic alcoholics there are many people of unstable character, and that is more likely to be the cause of their behaviour. In large cities the proportion of alcoholics is said to be 18 to 20%. Among people under 25 it is estimated at 8 to 9%. The critical milieu punishes the loss of self-control with social isolation. Women over 40 are particularly at risk. That's the critical age. There are no statistics on the money spent on social benefits for addicts. On the subject of statistics, did you know that between New York and Moscow only 10% of the population is teetotal? Yes, unfortunately, alcohol has become a status symbol. I've met two types of female drunkard in my life... This one's good, madam. Cognac. It's good. ...the well-groomed lady partial to cognac... ...the ravages caused by chronic alcoholism... That's tasty. My trolley, madam. In conflict situations, women are more prone to become alcoholics than men. There are no statistics on the money spent on social benefits for addicts. On the subject of statistics, did you know that between Moscow and Los Angeles only 10% of the population is teetotal? Yes, unfortunately, alcoholism has become a status symbol. The path into an alcoholic subculture is already trodden the moment the drunkard is thrilled by alcohol and tries to repeat this experience. The thrill is not only passively condoned, but is also actively generated. Now something happens. Disgusting! Get out! Scram! Disgusting! Women getting drunk in public! It's wonderful! People always want something better. You live nicely, madam! But they didn't succeed, madam. You're so lovely, madam. I always have to say so. You're so lovely. If my poor mother knew, my poor mother. That I ... here. You've got a nice place. You must be rich, madam. Madam, you know, society doesn't want us, madam. They drove us nuts because they don't want us. But I don't want them either, madam. Some vitamins, madam? I nearly choked. The wine tastes good, madam. Riesling. Late vintage. Oh God. What am I to do with it? Oh God! Eat it? No, no, madam. They killed Marilyn too, madam. God, it's so beautiful here, madam. I'll move in. You're so kind to me. Why are you so kind? RICH FOREIGNER WENT BESERK AT MÖHRING CAFE Better than Bahnhof Zoo station, isn't it? Is she afraid of spoiling her hairdo? I dare not do what you are doing, madam. I'm far too ugly. Never been pretty. I look quite different. Lovely. Never been so pretty, madam. I always thought you didn't want me. I have never been so pretty, madam. Never in all my life. I always had to push the trolley. Once I'd like to do something crazy Will you be there? I want to drink and stay up all night With no regrets Not to care two hoots about the world I'd just like to do what I want for once One pub crawl, even two or three Tell me, will you come? Oh, how often did I ride around by taxi Along the Spree, through the Havel On the crooked Lanke Hear the taximeter sound See the driver count I'm here, finally here Finally here Let's drink till late And celebrate Gin, wine and brandy Come in so handy Late to bed, late to rise makes a woman drunk and wise I stood in the snowfall Drunk after all I saw a taxi coming by And shouted, gave it a try But it drove by Left me standing in the snow Then I was raped But the police didn't believe me The swine! The swine! These swine! They're all arseholes! This squalor! Cheers! Vodka Tamara, Vodka Natasha, peppermint liqueur... - Cognac! Cognac! - Own brand! Well, personally, I like to drink Meisterkorn and Aquavit. They're really good. Cognac, straight? No water, no soda, no ice? Cognac always without water, soda or ice. You always drink cognac straight, Miss. But I know lots of people who drink cognac with extras, with ice and soda. They got it completely wrong then. Cognac's always straight. Cheers! Well, I think egg flip or cherry brandy are also good drinks. I like to drink them. Well, OK. You've changed. Everyone does now and then. I drink all I can get. May I pass it over? Cheers! Stark naked, dead tired, lemon-sweet, chicoballo, foolish, daring, dull, angelic, earthwards, untruthfully green, pale as pale, pale yellow, finely nested, finely polished, fluffy, fluffy-hard, fruit-fruity, gall-gallant, gall-of-age, finish-off, real-weird, thundery-bitter, glass-cloudy, bell-dark, half-eyed, half-nosed, army-mad, homely, sky-red, heaven and earth, flat-busted, flat-liquid, sparse hair, intact, in the width, go broke, very happy, very funny, very lovely, yo-ho, yo-ho, just baked, just proven, just divorced, funnily upset, funny-sad, funny mood, cosmelegic, cosmelodic, cos-humane, cosmic, cos-mossy, corpse liquid, corpse happy, corpse liquid, easily rusting, easily aroused... - Who's the lady? I've also read Gertrude Stein, Eddie. Pitch stiff, pitch flat, pitch brazen, pitch spread, pitch burnt, pitch blunt... I think the ladies are lost. Abolishing closing time opens the door to vice. Berlin is known as a centre of homosexuality. The homosexual subculture is basically a recreational pastime. The attitude towards them varies from place to place. In Bavaria, one-third of people don't like homosexuals. In Hesse... - Hamburg? In Hesse and Hamburg it's 13 or 14%. How interesting! We still don't know much about it. Have they acquired femininity or masculinity or were they born like that? I think that animal testing... Animal testing? - ...would give us greater insight. That's right. Kinsey tells us that lesbian behaviour has been observed amongst mice, rats, antelopes, mares, rabbits, hamsters, pigs, guinea-pigs... Do you want to dance? - ...porcupines, chimpanzees. To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles... What did they have in mind? The leading man is completely drunk. But it's a cross-dressing part! It doesn't justify such a lack of discipline. Especially in a classical play. ...and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation Devotely to be wish'd To die, to sleep To sleep Perchance to dream Ay! Do you remember, last May we had... the lamp... Tell me... She's written the size in small letters! For the fifth time. What's that? What are you doing? That's for customers only! Miss! We are a small but long-established and highly respected, reliable firm. And the same sense of responsibility that I have for my, for our firm, I demand from each employee. From you first of all. You're not only my secretary, you can't write anyway. You're also the receptionist, so looking good is not enough. You've got to use your senses, too. Assuming I'd visit you at home, if you have one, and I'd open your fridge, take out the wine and drink it, what would you call that? It's stealing. In this case, stealing the firm's property. What do you say? Can't you defend yourself? You smell of the bottle! You're blind drunk! How many bottles do you drink? Stop it! Look at me! Listen to what I have to tell you. That you park your arse on this chair, and have a job you owe to me. I got this company back on its feet. Without my power, persistence and stability this firm wouldn't exist. I've had to forgo a lot to make this firm successful. Or do you think I had wine like this 20 years ago? I won't have my success destroyed by anyone. Least of all by you. Irresponsible drunkard! That's enough! That will do! Stop! Out! Finish! Finito! Out! Out! Out! Out! You're fired. No net and drunk as well! Here's a living example of how permanent disability and damage to people and property can arise, resulting in a financial loss of billions. We sociologists constantly point out that those factors are important... If you want to recommend a top product to consumers, then act strategically. Strategically? Strategic advantages over competitors can be gained in three dimensions: position, strength and time. Position. - Strength. Time. The only way to get hold of the consumer. To build up an independent beverage brand you have to choose a name that the consumer connects with what he hasn't got: harmony, love, security, whatever he wants. Success, superiority, exclusiveness. Harmony. - Love. Security. - Success. Superiority. - Exclusiveness. Your drink, the aperitif, is that sweet reward which the individual may allow her- or himself after a long working day. Based on my analysis of the elastic zones, I recommend the following names for your product: Golden Hour, Quiet Moment, Le Moment Suprème, La Dolce Vita, La Vie en Rose, Sweet Memory, et cetera, et cetera. Quiet Moment. Le Moment Suprème. Sweet Memory. To simplify matters we'll call the product X. These elastic associations enable the precisely determined consumer in your specific target group to retreat to an island of emotional security. The consumer has to be convinced by this strategic act that he can re-harmonise himself by consuming your beverage. Re-harmonising himself! The ongoing trend towards individualism within the exclusiveness of undisturbed harmony is facilitated by your product and conveys safety and superiority in a private area. Private area? You have to tempt them with romantic idylls. Don't forget: exotic is far, your drink is near. Childhood dreams and the flight into leisure time are the most important arguments in your campaign. Pleasure gained not by aggression but by regression. Pleasure gain? If you act like that and soften up the consumer, he'll feel appealed to and accept your beverage as a substitute for love. Then we're already top. From now on the consumer will be compelled to buy in a brand- and packaging-oriented way. Compelled? - Compelled! Alcohol in this job! It had to end in tragedy. Meanwhile it's become obvious that alcohol-related accidents cause more casualties and more damage than accidents without it. Model 1001. - 1001? Solid domed coffin. - Made of oak. White and red gerbera. Decorative. - Only when there's room. Or 451E. Oak. Oak? An oak chest. Are other combinations possible? Covered with yellow tulips and fern. - Or pansies, in a row. That's extra. Richly carved mahogany chest. - Gothic. Baroque! - Gothic! Model 250. The small centrepiece... - Of red peonies. Peonies, depends on the season. Or plain layout. Laying out! The coffin must speak for itself. Decorated with tall vases. Hammered copper! Loaded on palms. Loaded? The bouquet from the close relatives... ...would enhance the noble line of the coffin. Or 452, solid mahogany. Cyclamen-coloured orchids. Cyclamen-coloured! Cyclamen-coloured. - On request. Model Europe. 240. - Empire-style. Timeless. That's not enough, madam. Please don't leave me alone. Give me two. For the ladies. Lovely lady... There you go. Cheers, ladies. Welcome. That's very sensible. Your girlfriend... Two more quick ones. New supply coming right up. I'd rather not leave her alone. There you go. Let's drink now, just you and me. My name's Willi. - Willi? I'm a director, Director Willi. - What of? Cheers! Let's have a drink and then I suggest we'll... Take some fresh air. - Fresh air? Us two beauties. Berlin air. Then we'll see what happens, perhaps we'll find places better than this one. I'll pay tomorrow. Bye, Karl. It's me, madam. I'm your only friend, madam. Stop that rubbish. Come on. You can't hurt me. It's so posh here, madam. Shouldn't we rather go back to my bar? Come on. She never shook hands. Never said hello or goodbye. She never seemed to hear "How do you do?" From what I know of drunkards, they'd rather die than drink. Wondrous plan, to heighten a pleasure so that it leads to death. I recently spoke about it with Lipsky, who said, "Our addictions are just the Erinyes in the theatre of cruelty." I said, "So we hate ourselves?" "Yes," he said, "it's not that bad." I've a lot in common with Lipsky. His desire for self-destruction is attitudinised. But who's capable of living in ways other than attitudinised? The attitude itself is the burden. Even on their deathbed some believe that they are someone special, and have been someone special. That's when alcohol should be prescribed. I'm serious. Again I think of Lipsky. Lying on the floor of a station urinal, he said that he regards his nervous system as a sort of accordion. Then the police came. "I'm an inventor," Lipsky said, "do you want to force me to emigrate?" It's a real pity that you won't see the press conference, dear colleagues, but... It's time to say goodbye. You tarts! You arseholes! ...amongst alcoholics there is statistical proof of a high mortality rate. Even the suicide rate is higher than in the general population, for example 12 times higher in Saxony and up to 75 times higher in England. Society doesn't tolerate any visible effects of drinking on women. This is due to a widespread double standard. Male drunkenness is seen as masculine and is therefore judged positively, whereas for women, drunkenness is regarded as degrading and repulsive. No, no, thanks. Have you got the "Spiegel"? And the "FAZ" paper, please. Thanks. He who awakes clear-minded and fit and says, "I'm the most undesired man in the world," is ripe for boozing. He should dress, get on a bus, go into town. There he should go into a tavern, a bar or, as I've just seen in the movies, the beer eldorado. Everything else solves itself. The fact that it simply takes care of itself is the beauty of drinking. Drinkers are travellers, who are moved without moving. You pick them up and move them. "Cheers," says Lipsky. "Do you see the Milky Way?" I say. Drinkers ruin themselves, it's their self-sufficiency. Statistics prove that cultures under pressure to perform have a permanent increase in alcoholism and stress-relief drinking. Believe me, today the social-ceremonial function of alcohol is more than ever the centre of interest. In the past, aggressiveness was controlled socially by means of community-supporting and guilt-relieving sacred ceremonies that gave alcohol a religious-ritual-type symbolism. In today's secularised society cocktail parties perform a similar function. Incidentally, our next congress on alcohol addiction in Copenhagen will be opened in three weeks' time with a cocktail party. Quite right. - Right, till then! I wish you a pleasant journey to... Bayrisch Eisenstein. - That's it. Goodbye. As you make your bed, so you must lie on it. Subtitling by SUBS GbR, Kristin Gerdes, Keith Semple

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