Ciao Maschio Bye Bye Monkey 1978

Down with Flaxman. His ideas are all fucked up. - Okay. See you tomorrow. - Maybe. Maybe... - How much did you spend? - $18.00 Hey! That's a whole army out there. An army... ...disguised as creatures from outer space... liberate the city from the reign of rodents. Let them try their deadly poison. Chemicals from advanced laboratories. It will never succeed. - Rats are smart. - Men are stupid! During the time of Julius Caesar, rodents were already the cause of starvation among the people. Bear this in mind, Lafayette: civilizations fade away... ...but the rats remain! The future belongs to the rats. How much did you spend? - 18. - I thought you said 17. - No. I said 18. - I heard 17. - I said 18! - This is fake. I'm not going to pay $18 for fake fur. Just a minute... This is real! This is fake. See the difference? - Got to go. Got to work. - Just a minute. Talking to you is like talking to air. Might as well be talking to myself. 18 bucks for this crap! Shit! ...with white teeth. The All-American man. Why do we have to put up with that clown? - But who's going to do the lights? - We should do it ourselves! - I can't go on like this! - Stop it! Stop it, will you? That's enough fooling around. We got to talk about the show. We've got to do something here! Organize food. Concentrate, will you? Let's start looking at the notes. Can I help it if I am sexy? What does Angelica see in him? Never mind them. Is your arm broken? You want to help? Suzanne, everything is ready! What's for lunch? We've got to stop fucking around and get going. Personal stories aren't enough. We have to keep digging. Digging to get to the source. What's so funny? I'm so hungry I can't think about anything. We have to do another show. How are we going to pay the bills? - I've been telling you... - I know, I know. You need some? - It's a little bit too salty. - It's sea salt. It's good for you. - I'll cook tomorrow. - Sure. Anything we can do, you can do better. Men are the best cooks. I'm glad you can do something right. - This isn't too salty. - A rooster in a hen house! Very funny! We've been talking and talking. We're just not getting anywhere. We've got to get more specific. We've got to pick one topic and work on it. That's what we're doing! We'll get there, don't worry! She says we should talk about rape. - Rape is very fashionable! - Good idea! Have you ever been raped? - Has anyone here been raped? - No. How are we going to talk about it? It hasn't happened to anybody. - Have you no imagination? - Nothing happens until we do something. - We talk too long. - Have any suggestions? Well, we should experience rape in some way. You mean we should be raped? Or rape someone. It doesn't matter which side we're on. The important thing is the experience. - You mean like rape a guy? - Sure, why not? You. The only male. What do you think about rape? I don't believe in rape. I don't want to talk about it. What's the matter? Don't you think women are worth talking to? I don't know if we should do a whole show on rape. Women should not aspire to that kind of violence. Aspiring has nothing to do with it. Women are violent. Why do we have to show women as victims or helpless... and try to whitewash the fact that we are as capable of violence as men are. It's warm! Go ahead, shoot off your mouth! I shoot my load! That was maybe a little bit too violent. You talk a good game. Let's see your action. I don't want to do anything that's psychologically damaging. Come on! Let's find out if he's a faggot or not! - You're stuck on this idea? - I'm worried. He'll wake up and beat the shit out of us! - You think he would hesitate if he were in your place? - No, it's not that. Take a walk instead of reading that book! I'm not enjoying it, but I'll share the responsibility with you. Go on! Why me? Why am I the one? Because you like him that's why. God, you're all sitting here waiting! You are like vultures! If he wakes up and hits me... - What if he sues me tomorrow? - Come on! Come on! A rape is a rape! You're happy. Aren't you? Lafayette... It is possible. It's not violent! It's not a rape! What the fuck! - You could have killed me! - So what? - I can't see! - Call the cops! - I want to talk to my lawyer. - Big deal! I could kill you! Watch it or I'll bust another bottle over your head! You broke my nail. Fuck off! - How could you? - Don't listen to that asshole. I thought you were different! You are all the same! I'll punish you! I'll punish you. Robin! - Are you going to come or not? - Maybe. Hurry up! Come on! Hey, Luigi! - You brought what you promised? - I was waiting for you. - It's not much. - Thanks. - You are so beautiful! - Thank you. Give me a kiss. - Here. - There? No. Oh, please! Give me a kiss! No. I said, no. There's your keeper. Come on, Luigi. Let's go! Leave women alone! Shame on you! You're a bunch of fools! Come on! Come on! Run, run! This is the best picture I've ever taken! I'm hungry, let's eat! Come on! Come on! Come on! What a beautiful sculpture! Damn it. Damn it! I've got to leave you... ...but I don't want to. I' leave you. Lafayette! I'm coming! What's up? I found it, but I can't keep it. I am allergic to the hair. Keep it. You are young. Mrs. Toland! Robin! Miko! He's beautiful. I... ...I found him. A baby, baby. Look, we found a baby! Thank you very much. I can't keep you. I can't. I would like to. I'm going to sing him a song that my son liked when he was a little baby. Will you accompany me, Miko? Hush a-bye baby on the treetop. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. Down will come baby, cradle and all. If you want him to live, you have to keep him warm. I have some baby clothes that won't be needed anymore. Thank you. I don't know how to dress a baby. It's easy! Just don't be afraid. That's right. Go on, it won't break! So you're leaving the poster up? Yes! I like the way he sings! What does your son say about it? He says he won't come and see me anymore until I take it down. I had that doll when I was a little girl. "The Pink Lady." That's what I called her. All the children who come here, fall in love with "The Pink Lady". You and your rats! - One milk, please. - Milk? You? Yes, for my baby! Milk! And this depicts the Last Supper. That's Jesus in the center surrounded by his 12 disciples. Good morning! Good morning! Children come back here! Don't bother the man! Children, come on! Stay with me! Pretty good, huh? It's my invention. - Who is it? - Me! Come in! You see how much they like my chariot race? It was a good idea. What are you doing with that monkey? I found him. Found him. You poor, untutored ignoramus! - Have you heard about old Demifon? - No sir. I haven't. I understand electronics. Look at him. He understand every word we're saying. - He's sleepy. - No. He's just pretending to be asleep. Old Demifon had a dream in which he gave a goat to a monkey. - So what? - So I'm going to advise you. You must get rid of this quadruped immediately. - Why? - Why... ...the simpleton asks me why. Because your freedom will be dead and gone forever. Ad Vitam aeternam. Look. Can't you see? He already considers you his father. Listen to me, Lafayette. Get rid of it before it's too late. Listen to the voice of reason. Lafayette...get rid of it. Sure. Forget the dictates of your heart. You shouldn't have that! It's an endangered species! - Really? If you don't get out of here, you're going to be an endangered species! Your bed. Scram! Why don't you want to sleep? Lafayette, I came to take you to the theater. We pay you to work, you know. No way! Goddamn, shit! You shit on my blue sweater! You shit on my blue sweater! Eat your shit! Nice place you have here. Girls always say that! What's this suppose to be? It's a Roman chariot. 2nd century AD. Now...'s a sofa. Go! Go and eat your shit! Sorry. Girls...'re talking about my house. Talking about my sofa. And what about my baby? Poor Lafayette! Seduced and abandoned! With a child out of wedlock! Do you want me to marry you? I've already seen my lawyer. Don't worry. - I like it here. Can I stay? - Sure, sure. But, don't touch me. Do you remember about Cleopatra? Cleopatra? Sure, Cleopatra. The fabulous queen of Egypt. A snake bit her on the tit... ...and she died. Don't do that. I don't like the way they look. Do you really want to go to the theater? I just want to stay with you. Come on. come on! Now, look! Look, look! Wow! Lafayette! Lafayette! Don't be afraid. Do you want to live with me? We'd be nice together. No. - Do you want to go to the theater now? - No! I don't want to go back! No, if I see those cunts I kill them! I won't forget what they did. What they took. Come on. Come on! - I'm going to borrow your bike. - No! - What are you doing here? - Just passing by. At least I'm watching. If you keep going out alone, the deal's off! No more protection! No more! I don't want protection. You are all dressed up. It's the suit I'm going to be buried in. I like to dust it off from time to time. I'm going now. I don't want to bother you. No worry. Cornelius! - My house. - Yes, I see. You don't even have a dinner table. My house is much nicer. - Do you have a fork? - Yes. Never at night. That's for you. Italian dressing. Do you like that, Cornelius? Very good. Very good. I am mainly carnivorous. One of these days, I'm going to give a cocktail party at my place. Why. Why? You don't talk much, do you? Years ago, this was really fashionable. Now, in a proper typographical way... ...a balloon. Why? Why? What's the matter with you? Leave Cleopatra alone! So, despite my advice you decided to keep it. I didn't want to, but he needs me. Now, you're really in trouble. War casualty or civilian accident? I'd like to see Mr. Flaxman please. - May I help you? - Mr. Andreas Flaxman? Who are you? Paul Jefferson, State Foundation for Psychological Research. Our department has made a very thorough investigation. You're a curator of a museum that supports the advancement of civilized man. Well, yes. I have dedicated myself to memory of Imperial Rome. I know. Our research is very up-to-date. I've been instructed to make you a very unusual proposition. - Really? I'm the one who usually takes people through the museum. It's a matter of making morphological changes to some of your wax figures. - You mean my historical characters? - Yes, you understand? "Populusque senatus Romanus." Here are Mark Antony and Caesar. After the assassination of Caesar, of course. Here we have Caesar while he was still alive. - May I put my case on the table? - Yes. Be careful, it's fragile. Now, let me explain to you Mr. Flaxman... involves a very subtle, gradual undertaking. - Those are pictures of my museum! - Yes. A transformation day-by-day that progressively changes the... ...morphology of some of your figures. To instill in your visitors a modern political point-of-view. For example, Julius Caesar... ...a metamorphosis... ...of Julius Caesar into the likeness of... ...John F. Kennedy. What do you think? You want me to falsify historical truth? - Don't get excited, calm down. - Tell how you got in these pictures! - Pleas don't get upset. - This is outrageous! This is disgraceful! Here I am, minding my own business, on my own property and you... take unauthorized photos of my museum and proceed to distort them! That's some psychology dept. you've got! - Why don't you bug my phone? - You're making a mistake, Mr. Flaxman. Do you realize your museum is in violation of several safety regulations? There are no emergency exits. No fire doors or sprinkler system. No fire extinguishers. Some of your windows do not open. This can be very dangerous, and it is highly illegal. On the other hand, if you accept our proposal... I can assure you a special bonus... ...will find it's way into the museum's maintenance fund. And the I.R.S. will know nothing about it. I refuse to submit to blackmail! Everybody ready? - Good. One ... two ... three! You're carrying very low. I think you're going to have a girl. Are you responsible for this? These are the women who raped me. I like the one with the long black hair. - Can you put in a good word for me? - Luigi, she is really, really tough. I know. Tough but... - Jealous! - You are green with envy. Never, never. Flowers for these young mothers. - Thank you. - You are welcome. - That's for you. - Thank you very much. You gave me too many, love. - Is he a florist? - No, he's a thief! That's for you. For you too. My dear women, this happened because you; one... never go out with men like me. I am a gentleman. I'm always very careful. Two... generation invented the pill. Why aren't you using the pill? The pill frees you from bondage to biology. That was nice of your generation, ...but we've decided to stop poisoning our bodies with pills. - Better living through chemistry! - We're trying to understand ... ...whether to have children or not. Forget it, Luigi! They're nothing but trouble! Nobody wants to listen to us anymore. You are too early. We open at 10. You are the worst. My dear Luigi, it hurts me when you say things like that. Even though I know you're not serious. - Why the worst? - Locked up in here day after day... ...trying to preserve something that doesn't exist anymore. It's time to destroy that image of a man! My dear Luigi, you could never understand. Someone has to care. Someone has to be concerned. Especially in this time of decadence and ruin. Jesus Christ! What's the matter with you? Am I bleeding? Stay right here. Help! Jeff! Lafayette! Dignity. I have taken it upon myself to be the one. I will have been the only one... have kept that culture alive! No! Mr. Nixon, what are you doing here? - The barbarians are at the gate! - Who says so? Your friend is stupid! He has insulted culture! This is my property and I want him out! Watch out for the stick. Out! Out! Out! Never come back! You are worse than a judge! Worse than the police ... and the priest! You are worse than all of them! - Anarchists! - Yes! Jesus Christ, look at me. What did you do to Luigi? He's really mad. Luigi is a savage! I'm the one who should be mad! He's a Kennedy! That's right. When I'm finished, it will be perfect. - You're transforming the museum. - Don't be ridiculous! You're always asleep. You put Nixon's head on Nero's body. There is history, and there is a compromise. Sometimes they flow together, and we we get a "historical compromise". Men like Marcus Aurelius, Diocletian and Trajanus - ...found such compromises useful. My compromises are sacrifices for you, for everyone that needs me. I never see the 20,000 that those... ...people are giving me, but I can give you a raise, expand the museum... ...And you can play with electronics and continue your games. You see, Lafayette... ...Caesar and Kennedy. All great men are killed by assassins. Mr. Luigi! Come in. I won't come in. I wasn't invited. - You were invited. I invited you! - Definitely not! - Are you calling me a liar? - I don't know. - Mr Luigi's here. - Hello, Luigi! Luigi, I ate too much! You're having a party without me. Beautiful. No, Mr. Luigi. We were hoping you would come! Luigi, look at the trees we bought! It's like a jungle. I want to contribute. Thank you, Mr. Luigi, but we had enough... ...for once! - Look how much fun. - I'm leaving it anyway. - Would you like to sit down? - No. What can I get you, Mr. Luigi? I don't need anything. I have my food and my wine. Well, we had a lot of fun! Let's be happy. Miko, a soft-shoe please. - Shall we sing "Molly Brannigan" again? - Certainly, my lady! Ma'am dear, did you ever hear of pretty Molly Brannigan? The times are going hard with me, I'll never be a man again. She's gone and left me here all alone for to die. The place where my heart there's room to plant a turnip in, 'tis as large as old Dublin... ...and not have left me here, all alone for to die. Hey, give me some wine little witch! Come on! Don't cry. You are beautiful! Look! Look! Drink wine... ...and cheer up! - No wine for you. - I'm unhappy too! Good? Have some more. Good, huh? No. No, Miko. Please excuse me. Thank you, Mr. Luigi. Come on. Come back with us. What's wrong? What are you doing in here all alone? - Come back. - No. be held again. Never to feel a man's arms holding me tight. I can't live without love. I'm afraid I'll go mad. I'll come in a minute! I'll come in a minute, I will! I was once in love... ...before. With a man. He was younger than me. But I couldn't... I was afraid. I was. I thought he would be making fun of me. - Sit down. - Oh, Mr. Luigi! Mr. Luigi... Let them look. It won't hurt. Only with the young ones! Don't forget, you are in menopause not me! - Come on, Luigi. - It's easy for you to say. Son of a bitch! They are all the same. You? Sure, why not? But me? Never! I have a monster between my legs! Forget it, Luigi. And stop toying with your balls! It's bad for you! Come on! I never get to fuck! It's not fair! What am I doing in this country? I've made up my mind. Tomorrow or the day after, I buy my ticket. What ticket? A ticket to Italy. Too bad they are all Communists now. - So what? - "So what", you say. I have property! That's what! I would not like to live on a collective farm. Do you really think the Communists give a shit about your tomatoes? Maybe. Please... It's the first time you have been here. Sit down, please. I want to give a cocktail party for the baby too. It's no joke, believe me. I was without papers for 12 years in this country. It was Hell. A man without papers is worse than nothing. He's a wop! "With Out Papers"! W.O.P.! We must think about his future. Create an identity for him. But he's not a human baby. He's just a baby monkey. Listen, during the Nazi occupation... I forged "Ausweis". It means passes and documents. You know how? With tinfoil and these hands. I'll give you your identity. Come on. Don't be scared of thunder. It is a natural phenomenon! Like me. Why don't you want to make love? Because... Because what? - Do you really want to know? - Yeah. Because I love you. Lafayette, look! Same one again! Hey, Luigi! - How is my son? - He's great! Look at him! We meet at three o'clock. Don't forget! Maybe. Gerard Lafayette. - Are you the parents? - Yeah. - Surname? - Lafayette. - Sex of child? - Male. - You dress a little boy like a girl? - My husband had his heart set on a girl. You shouldn't do that. It's very hard on the child. You will cause it a lot of trouble doing that. - First name? - Cornelius. Date of birth? On 25 December 1977. - Time of birth? - Midnight. - Religious affiliation? - None. Why are you destroying your garden? Tomatoes are very good for you. And flowers for her. Go home. Friends, Romans... Lend me your ears. I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. - Close the door. - Sorry, Mr. Flaxman. Don't you knock before you enter a room? I want you to meet my girlfriend, Angelica. - Angelica, Mr. Flaxman. - How do you do? This is a good student of mine, the very best, Claire. She's deeply interested in Roman history. Claire, this is Lafayette and his girlfriend. How sweet! Daddy and Mommy. And baby makes three. All you need is a picket fence. It's stuffy in here. I think I'll wait outside. Angelica. Angelica! Angelica! - What do you think about marriage? - It doesn't interest me at all. Good girl. For you. I want a girl... ...just like the girl that married dear, old Dad. She was a pearl and the only girl that Daddy ever had. A good old fashioned girl with heart so true... Never loved nobody else but you. I want a girl just like the girl that married dear, old Dad. This is not anything special. I've done thousands of them for the museum. Thousands. - What's the matter? - Nothing. Are you sure? Angelica doesn't feel good. You guys are alone again. Come on, come on! - What are you doing here? - I want to paint this picture! Look at these pastries! I could eat them all! Your tits are really getting big. Do you like that? Look at his hands. Just like ours. You are both wrong. She thinks you're a monkey. And you think she's a real baby. I don't give a fuck about race. It is not true. He doesn't think I am a monkey. Poor baby! It's okay. Hi, Mrs. Toland. I haven't seen you since the party. - I had to work. - I came to see you about Luigi. - What about? - That's what I want to know. I see him everyday puttering around his little garden. But I didn't see him yesterday or today. Mrs. Toland, isn't it? Of course, it is. Lafayette has spoken so much about you. Welcome to The Wax Museum of Imperial Rome I overheard you. Perhaps he's expired. - My God, it can't be! - Don't joke. Do not joke about Luigi. I'm not joking. Man after all is not immortal. I hope he saved enough for his funeral. Who said he's dead? "This is my last will and testament." "I, Luigi Nocello, being of sound mind, do hereby bequeath... ...all my earthly possessions to the female child, Cornelius Lafayette." "The knickknacks and little objects are for Mrs. Toland." Luigi! One of your jokes? Mr. Luigi... My name is Randy Dupree, I am the... ...Director for the Bureau of Pet Control, Dept. of Health, New York City. We estimated there is about 1 rat per person in New York City. That would be 8 to 10 million rats. In 1969, we wrote a program called... ...The Coordinated Block Approach Program. We identified the 5 areas of the city... ...that had the most complaints, the most rat bites and the greatest problem. Those areas were the South Bronx... ...East Harlem, the Lower East Side, Bedford-Stuyvesant... I've got to tell you. I'm going to have a baby. I just don't know how to tell you. You look so strong, like I can depend on you but... I know when I tell you, you're going to be more frightened than me. I just wish... I don't know what to do and I wish I could talk to you about it. ...clear all the garbage that rats normally live in, and clear it away. We will then send a crew in to exterminate... That means give them the food and poison that we want rats to have... Once the crews exterminate the premises... ...there is an education team, knocking on every door, asking tenants... change their behavior, their patterns of environmental health. What are you doing here? What's the matter? What's wrong? I don't feel good. Come on, let's go. Are you sick or something? What's wrong then? I'm pregnant. By who? By you! Not me. Yeah, you! Lafayette! What will become of me? What's going to become of you? What's going to become of us? What's going to become of me? You and your...your damn monkey! I hope you'll be real happy together! Angelica! Take care! Angelica, be careful! Don't run! speak in Caesar's funeral. He was my friend ... ...faithful and just to me. But, Brutus says he was ambitious, and Brutus is an honorable man! He had brought many captives home to Rome, whose ransoms did the general coffers fill. Did this... in Caesar seem ambitious? When that the poor, ...have cried... ...Caesar had wept. Ambition should be made of sterner stuff. Yet, Brutus says... What are you doing here this late at night? How dare you invade my privacy? How dare you? What's wrong with you? Why are you trembling? Were you moved by my speech? My monkey is dead. The rats ate him. All this grief over a monkey? While civilization disappears? You disgust me. Look at yourself. This is what you were. He's not a beast. He's not a man. An error of creation. An incomplete man. The most embarrassing image in existence. - I don't understand. - There's nothing for you to understand. Just obey. Everything else is utter chaos. If you refuse to obey, ...or if you don't want to obey, ...kill me. You have to kill me. Kill me. You have to kill me. I authorize you to kill me! An expedition to The Wax Museum of Imperial Rome... Here, we have preserved its story... ...together with the physiognomies of the men who made it.