Dealing with the side effects of Masturbation

[Music] hi welcome to kachai with lucky remember to subscribe to our youtube channel that is kachai with lucky so that you can be part of the family i am back of course with the team uh brian samanda sex therapist ashley movirou people management consultant and today's conversation is very very important because again we look through our mail and every single day you hear of a man struggling with masturbation addiction and you have also women i've got from women who are saying i can't even seem to have normal sex with my partner because i seem to be addicted to masturbation so today we want to look at how they can deal with this challenge and brian you being the expert on this particular topic we'll let you take the lead that's a beautiful thing i i see most of the problems i always interfere with people that i have these sexual issues the issue is not the sexual problem right what it comes along with and how you fail to manage it i have i'm one people one person who goes like contra you know controversial on such topics masturbation is not entirely bad it's not entire it's one of the reasons why you can actually relate with yourself know yourself know your body i tell some girls you can never know yourself unless you start you're not trusting yourself to figure out what works for you sometimes not all the time because the woman who said me i don't know what works for me i just put there and the guy does whatever it is but i actually phoned myself first time when i masturbate the problem is there's a lot of science masturbation most people think science a lot of science to it meanwhile the science to it in as much as men are concerned is every time you masturbate you see the there's a lot of you know hormonal people that you lose in the process of masturbating right and no one masturbates for one once just today after six months most people that masturbate you're going to do more than three times a day just limiting it and knowing how do i do it you see the the science to it is every time you just relate or release you're losing a lot of zinc you're using a lot of good hormones and between the open mind which are responsible you're wasting actually the word is you're wasting a lot in wasting you're not replenishing so that means you you're going to have a lot of emotional relationship problems people relate because you're stressed most of these hormones are responsible for your stress and in the end result with your guy downstairs you're lowering your testosterone production you know that means you're not going to be able to engage sexually with the right partner and then over time i've seen people actually damaging there's a nicer way to master that people just use a lot of energy and then after that he's saying nice way of masturbating and then there's a bit of a first of all explain what is the bad way in which a person can masturbate and how can they correct it too i don't know if there's anything like that no but but then to also understand how does somebody get to start masturbating what causes that yeah there are three things like okay there's young people who start because they learned how to do it from school or something that's very nice 90 percent most of the boring people that was most boys we start with that to get into knowing yourself i mean you know it there's nothing beautiful the first time i did it like when i was young there was nothing beautiful like seeing something coming out like was it out of curiosity i don't know i saw it at school you know you're in school you're in senior one and the senior guy is doing and stuff is coming out of him i mean it failed because sometimes you'll escape out of school to go do it because the so you're saying it could also have a psychological effect on the young boys who actually do you know you can't consider it at school right your concentration is most people never understand because now you have become an addict an addict but okay the bad problem the problem here is masturbation or it brings whatever it brings comes back to your end result i wouldn't say it's a problem but what it comes along with i told you you find someone who's very uncoordinated they are stressed over time i told you every time you believe or injustice you're losing zinc selenium copper these are very responsible for your brain work given your emotional you think everyone is seeing you become shame you become so crucified so that's the problem now you fail to even relate with girls you can't you don't want there's a guy who actually said i said he's in singapore and they forced me to marry at after university and sometimes i love to get out of the bedroom to do mine and then i go to a point where i'm tired i do it in our presence okay so we have most young men and when you speak to men they will tell you as a young boy i did experiment with masturbation now we need to understand why is it that some boys have tried it and managed to get off of it and others remain addicted how do these young boys because boys are still doing it in school how do they do it if they are going to experiment with it and not get addicted to it and move away from it you see me when i'm dealing with addicts i don't deal with the problem that they're going through i deal with what it can cause and how you can get better out of it right see what it causes is always the problem because most people like you see you know what what happens every time you enter a girl and you come in one minute or seconds most people that masturbate actually have a lot of weird dreams because their muscles cannot hold but we are talking about boys who have not even started seeing exactly they are just doing them in their dormitories that's what they're saying is as i'm telling them is that do it now you're going to grow and you'll never be able to do that the other thing is the muscle gets gets weaker or sicker you get sick the thing can even get a stronger erection as you grow older ah so you might get uh you're getting your geological issues now you see even a stronger erection becomes painful oh yeah yeah because painful because you've been using a lot of energy and they use the wrong things now at school they used to use soap because it's more slippery that's what they say you get you get stuff you see there's a type of software that i didn't want to give for for advertising yes but i would say get that stop and then you'll get an example the problem is most people think as you're doing your bowling you're rolling you're thinking you're going to bring out but in the process of you rolling your intaking most of the time after you that your masturbation feels a bit of itching irritation in there the soap has been growing inside you right which will cause more complications and then you get a place where you your erection starts being weak weak and sweet while you're young you're young so you you go to a level you don't even one thing there when you are that's why most people just get addicted and they can't control it because the sweetness is created right so me when i'm dealing with addicts that come to me about this no master passion like i from experience i'll tell her you know tell them you know it's not it can still be hard because exactly yeah yeah because that's why i said them when you started look at the outcome most of the time don't look at how sweet it is look at the outcome of it you're going to get a place where your sexuality loses meaning with other people can only be understood by you and it becomes a problem because you're conscious someone knows that's funny like sometimes you finish your cutting and you're like you start looking around did someone see me so the thing is there's a friend of mine who used to do it in class he would find a way of cleaning putting his legs together and they will start shaking and everyone like doesn't know so the problems are the things you do with it so how you come back to a place of knowing okay if i have done this what is the problem before you know that the weakness of the erection and then the sickness it creates it brings and then they're mental anxiety your stress levels are high you become irritable you become like i mean easily annoyed you can't relate with people relationships all the signs like yeah other addictions you're still having problems with your partner so the thing is that's where i start from do you want your your marriage this is what you're gonna do now how do you overcome masturbation is the key thing because masturbation is not something you overcome in one week that's a lie you can actually take a month or two without doing it and then before you like you relapse that's what i call relapsing but the thing is you should learn to take it in a better way i tell them every addiction has something good in it the good in it is how it makes you feel but then how do you learn to use it for a positive so master passion can help those young men or men who can preak who don't even control their hair that they are like become how right in one means i'm done so this is how you start when you're doing your masturbation make it fun in a way that you don't want to use like hard stuff just do more essential with yourself but if you're making it fun aren't you now building on that addiction now i'm teaching you how to make it look like it's not a problem ah yeah because one thing i noticed most people think masturbation is bad it's evil even it's evil but masturbation is not evil when it gets to being addictive that is when now you have to get into a reality check and say okay do i really need this and what is bringing me to this point right because if you do not notice how did i get here yeah and how would i want to get away from then you'll start struggling and because of the feel good effect the end of things that you produce they are going to make you feel that i do not need a man i do not need a woman i can finish it that's why they say i i i am my own yeah but then you have to realize that a relationship will tend to forget relationship is not about just sex exactly and if a relationship is not about just sex even being addicted to masturbation it's going to affect that entire relationship on how to relate i there's a time a friend of mine called me and said lucky you will not believe what i found at work today and this is my fellow workmate i'm like hey what's going on moonlit of a certain age married with children masturbating at work yeah now you oh yes because they have relapsed and he was watching thinking he's watching this because masturbation and pornography i think they were so separate they are not so separate because that you fail you start thinking you put an imagination of somebody is there now having an image of two people doing it you find yourself in the process of having you ever met people who look at you especially men and they're like hey for you i finished before you i finished but the guy has never met you before yeah they even sent you they're stuck and they will say they'll tell you please may have may have a picture of you and you're like for what you know you're very good and i like you so if you don't give them that's why your picture is on facebook on even on status they if they have your contacts and they can access your status the pictures that we post they impress you i don't even want to look at my wife's dj because it just it doesn't tell me anything i just have to replay what i know in my head and i'll get there so the idea is every girl or man who is masturbating they have troubles like you say relationship troubles yes emotionally very very unstable because of whatever it creates they get withdrawn they get withdrawn here they are stressed more so the problems are coming in now a young man or young woman out there who wants to get the best of it how do i come out of it and how do i deal with the effects and if this lady at all your husband must have been and you're looking at it as a problem attack start being there together help him do it together so that you get in touch now but you're saying that it's not like everyone is interested into what you're into yes sex is a very individual thing and people need to understand this that is where you'll find people will tell you i can never go down to like what's that it's evil and you can't tell them no you're not good enough that's who they are they are not even going to get that place so to ask somebody me personally i wouldn't like to watch that and partake no no that's an individual thing that doesn't work for me it works for you so you have to realize that these things have to be individual if your partner yes does that but i'm not interested how do i help him you see there's this lady you say and they were together like this guy the moment the moment he entered his company and then over time i also met another partner where the girl is the problem the woman she has come like quickly she has come she doesn't want to beat us like brian i just want mo the girl doesn't want to be touched now she said right me while he's doing this thing i'm masturbating so i can't quickly i don't want nothing to do so how masturbation becomes good for you both men and women is learning how to transpose your calm or your orgasm how do you transpose that yeah i'm willing to listen to the pattern like this for guys if you are have issues with coming quickly start start with your masturbation make it fun when you realize you're about to get there take a deep breath and hold it there when there is somebody oh there is nobody you're practicing on yourself you're practicing yourself because most men who come quick they get excited oh so you're saying you try to masturbate before you actually go with your body not on that day you can previously that's what i'm saying how you go to gym and do your thing now you're going to use monster fashion as your big benchmark to help you last longer there how when you realize it's about to come you know when it's about and when you're doing your thing yeah when you realize it's about when you start transposing your name you're breathing you're living in a lab look at your breathing sometimes you can drop a little but direction stays there the difference is when you masturbating and finish everything there the guy goes down also so when you this little a little goes out and then you hold the other this direction stays stronger now when you go back to impact to your partner you're going to use the same technique you're using to control it's about control the same thing with the women if you realize about the camera like get get a destruction sometimes you don't want to get a destruction you just want to go because it's fun exactly you better hit it and that's it if you have no problem with multiples yeah we will just that one thing is nothing i don't want to be tough i think it's irritating so if you have problems with multiple that's when you start practicing but masturbation you should make it a way that is not just a scene learn your body through masturbation but don't become a like don't use it now what if we are talking to people who have not masturbated yet and they don't want to get to that place yes i i want to i want us to address those people how do i avoid you know getting involved because it's not easy when you know what when you know what problems it causes like i told you me i don't attack the problem i create a story side of like hey you know when you start the effects of the effects of it look at them and then you're like i don't want to get there but i better come here so the thing is most men think that i masturbate because i don't have a woman you have a problem with people that have been in dubai like those arab countries they say brian man i've been here for two years no woman the only thing i do is me and me and by the time they are back their thing is very small and mean and they can't even so can you guess can they get it back or they affect your family no sex problems can't be sold that's what i'm very sure the only problem is the time it's going to take now in doing during the the time whether or not your partner will be that person to wait for you to address it from a place of understanding meanwhile there's no problem i mean telling your partner you know what this is what yeah that conversation is key and you you also need to to know who are you bringing that conversation to are they ready to listen and help you get out of it or are they going to make it an issue why you have not been giving them that level of satisfaction they are looking for because sometimes i'm thinking masturbation if you totally do not even want to go into that space do not think about it i mean i wouldn't want to say that i have not gone through it but i don't remember ever going through it whatever like it's by default like what happened or maybe we were in the process and then it got over and then i had to you know but the whole effect is because you're thinking so much about it the mind registers it and stores it and says one day i'm going to do it so making yourself busy away from the thought and knowing that at the end of it all it's going to affect your relationship let's work through it i had a conversation i was telling you with a friend of mine and he was telling me how to get off it you eat you have to eat enough dinners i don't know what that is to enough jeannette because they're going to they're going to give you enough water and then you need to take your mind away from women or men so that when you get to a woman when you get to a man you're able to release and have a good time with this person i think we are we are also forgetting to discuss the mental aspects of this yeah there's you who is addicted to it and there's me your partner now i see me getting to a place of understanding how why do you find yourself attractive and you don't find me attractive because people struggle with that a lot it's like my partner this this woman was saying be lucky my partner must have bet he can't satisfy me i don't know if i'm not attractive to him he goes and does these things for me i'm not getting anything how do you engage a conversation with your partner who doesn't even understand why you're like that because you're not the only one who is hurting she's hurting in this but how do you involve her in this and get her to a place of understanding you first first before brian you come in women need to know they should never blame themselves for a mature person's acts because at the end of the day they have chosen what they are doing right when you start looking for fault within you and yet it is not you who is actually going through that act then you're going to beat yourself so hard until you start hating this person that even when they come to you to discuss with you you've already created the mind of hate so they should not think oh maybe i'm not attractive to him hey he married you so one time you are attractive and he loves you but there's something that he's struggling with which you're also struggling which you're struggling with it's a double portion you see what happens most of the times i tell you when you have what you call a problem don't look at it as a problem right because this okay you have a different story my other story was this girl comes into the brain this guy he can't get an erection when we're having sex but he has an erection when you're done sometime and he says brian i don't know like okay he says he stays on the bed and he does he touches himself and you're that i don't even it just disappears disappear so i try to disengage now this is the time let the girl do it does the girl be as if he's helping you do the one kid if she's interested i don't know why but me when i drink myself instead but when it's about to enter i don't know where the thing is so you want a woman to help you masturbate for you and when you're outside like i'm here with my get get so much essential in this little area get to know the body part of the other by the way it's not that they're all i'm thinking by the time i'm helping you your mind is already telling you i'm going to come this is what happens in the process of doing whatever it is i thought you are going to be in charge of sex when you realize it's up there sit on it and roll when you're solving a problem look for every possibility solution to it because this guy says me i have eruptions didn't win this don't take six like because you know it's a problem now when you look at the problem see the end result of it you want to lose the wound because you're masturbating like i don't want i don't want to think about it start helping each other erection and then sex is an intentional thing i am telling people the the erection you use for masturbation is not the election you need to penetrate the others yes the election for muslim but when you must have it's a lot of energy required sometimes it's actually like a weak thing for you just doing whatever you can produce you can but the thing is we pick every addict if you've been an addict before for whatever it is you can be addicted to your phone every time you look at it and run away from it that's where the problems are you start missing it but i think like i said before for me when i talk to people who are addicted to anything it could be alcohol it could be why don't you think about the people around you because most in most cases while you're fighting addiction you need something to motivate you once you know how much you're losing and what you're losing and what it means to you i think that's motivation enough for you to want to work yours on yourself because once you are addicted brian if you're not ready to get rid of my masturbation you're doing your brain even in your marriage you're going to mention with this mental so unless your partner has gotten to a place where they feel it is a problem regardless you can scream you can shout you don't satisfy me throw tantrums that person will not change so again you have to really look at it get a third person exactly to deal with this that's where a therapy sex therapist comes in with my husband but let's let him be aware think about something my name like okay is bring back to the place imagine is not here when you aren't together because sex is is something you have to create a story around i mean i have a story i created it's very easy what's your story you can share [Music] stories for two hours you're busy exactly exactly the issue is if you're solving a problem related to sex mainly if it's an addiction seek for help the help is from your partner because they must if your partner doesn't understand your problem that's where things come that's that's that's why you look at that let me tell you this thing is like this thing is like marriage as much as your husband is beating you and giving you all sorts of insecurities [Music] for as long as it has not entered your head i need to get out of this marriage even if your friends tell you get out you can get a lie out there you're going to die unless it registers in your mind that this is wrong even the sex therapists won't help much all that information will come in but it has to take you because you when you started it was between you and your mind that i want to do this so the moment you say now i want to let go listen to everybody but at the time that you're ready to set and go is when you because you will say i talked to him that he is not changing it is not his time she is not ready to stop the masturbation why you seek a third person or a therapist it's not because it's no it's going to go away it is very important in most cases i could be doing something but i don't know how it's affecting you exactly and you're not able to express yourself as a hot person because of the relationship or the strain that we have between us but if brian just sits there and you talk and he listens to me and i talk if i express myself there in front of a third that's why they have therapies you will understand my pain more and you will even be shocked that this is what i've been doing to ashley i didn't know that so that is why even seeing at that point doesn't necessarily mean that you're gonna get why you like that but it will make you look around you and see how much and be accountable for it but that means that third person because yeah you will be fighting the thing yeah you because you didn't do this you know you are not always there so i have to you will keep throwing blame onto each other so the third party the therapist comes in to make give a clear picture of the effects each and every one of you is getting but like i said still register it in your mind you want to stop you want help okay you want help as we conclude because we are pressed for time where do people who have uh this kind of problem because masturbation addiction is not something people freely express especially now it looks like talk about when i posted it on one of my pages people like masturbation is evil jesus never read it quoting it becomes violently just i know that but it's a problem that is affecting our society where do people go if they need help brian would you be knowing how did you when when these things happen to you as a person sometimes you think you're the most evil person the thing is accept that you have a problem but where do i go to get help to talk to somebody who has gone through therapists who knows the problem most people go to these seniors and who sell medicine i've had people lie to people that there's medicine they can give you to stop masturbation you see if you've used masturbation come for this medicine say that that is not there even when the sexual problems that it creates are much more physiological and psychological more than just okay thank you so for clarity's sake uh if somebody wanted to come to you and they have uh masturbation issues do you think you can be able to help this is what i do where do they go to find you that's what i was trying to get to yeah right i am on instagram and on facebook but also my offices in terms i have a therapy center slowly would you maybe tell us slowly where your offices and where they consume chandra near prime petrol station and my cell phone number is always in the end but you can you can give them a number slowly again seven one seven one six seven sex problems are sold at all well thank you so much that's all we had for you on kachai with lucky like your heart you can contact brian samanda for your masturbation problems and addictions i'm sure he'll be able to help or any other business but remember your mind your mind is aha subscribe to our youtube channel kachai with lucky so that you can be part of a family may god bless you be kind to one another [Music]