How To Be A REAL Man What Daddy Never Taught You




how to be a real man,real man,how to be a man,real men,become a real man,how to become a man,how to be manly,how to be real,how to be authentic,how to not be fake,real,fake,men,farfromaverage,far from average,man

what's up guys welcome back to the channel how many times have you seen a guy that looks one way but acts a completely different way so many guys do this all the time without even realizing it and then they wonder why they come off as fake when around other people if there's one word that every guy should learn and never forget it is the word congruence and in the case of a person this means that every single part about you is in harmony with all of the other parts imagine you see a super huge dude who's like 350 pounds of pure muscle and he has tattoos all over his neck in his face and after looking at him most people would assume that he's a big tough guy that you probably wouldn't want to mess with now let's say that you go up and you start talking to him in the moment that he opens his mouth a squeaky little mouse voice comes out of it immediately you're taken back and you're like whoa I was not expecting that squeaky little voice to come out of such a strong looking dude and at the same time that this happens you feel like a little pulse inside your head that makes you a little bit uncomfortable in this example the man's voice simply did not fit the image that his clothes and his overall appearance is projecting think about it like this congruence is when each individual part of a person is in perfect harmony with all of the other parts and it's one of the key things that you absolutely have to understand if you want to avoid coming off as fake here's another example of something that is incongruent a long time ago I was working at a gas station that was like right on the corner of a busy intersection so I could see all kinds of cars that were drive by every single day and I would see thousands of them and after a while I got to a point where I had a really good idea of how most cars are supposed to sound and then one day I was standing there pumping a customer's gas in a tiny little car came zooming around the corner in the moment that it turned onto the straight road all that I heard was like a loud turbocharger spooling in a super loud exhaust and I also saw that the cars tires were breaking loose so much that it was like getting sideways and pretty much a drifting left and right all the way down the road later I found out that it was some sort of old BMW that had a swapped engine but the point here is that the sound and the power that was coming out of the engine of this car simply did not match what the car looked like this tiny little car looked almost like a little clown car but sounded like some sort of rocket ship and this is another example of something that is in ruin now here's why this is super important when other people whether it's a guy or a girl perceive you as being in congruent what happens is that it tends to cause discomfort in their head and here's how it plays out after seeing you people quickly make snap judgments about what type of guy you are and then after meeting you if you don't fit those assumptions closely enough they'll feel like something about you is off but they're not quite sure what exactly it is and this is not how you want people to feel about you now the complete opposite of being fake is being real so when you are in congruent you come off as fake but when you are congruent you come off as real now here's the critical key to coming off as a real person and it's called consistency which means how consistent are your actions and your character over time most of these guys were labeled as so-called nice guys have a huge problem with congruence and this is how it plays out this type of guy will meet someone and be super nice to them in the beginning but then as you get to know them their facade begins to crack and you realize that they were only nice to you because they were trying to achieve the goal of getting you to like them and this is exactly how fake people operate in the beginning they start out as one type of person but over time the real character comes out and it simply doesn't match with when you first met them so when you guys have this problem because they start out acting or looking one way and then quickly revert back to whoever they were before they were putting on a show now your main goal should be to be congruent and there are a few super important things that you need to focus on if you want to get this right and the first one of these things is your clothing now you guys already know that what you wear has a huge impact on how people perceive you and your clothing happens to be one of the easiest things that you can change right now to make sure that you're not coming off as fake and congruent whenever somebody sees you they instantly make snap judgments about who you are just based on the clothing that you're wearing and none of that seems kind of unfair but that's just the way that we work as humans and we all do it clothing is such a powerful tool when it comes to showing congruence because this is one of the only ways that you can send signals to people to tell them what type of person you actually are without actually saying a single word in fact you can tell a lot about a guy just by looking at the clothes that he is wearing now if you don't want to come off as fake one of the best things that you can is to dress in a way that broadcasts exactly the type of guy that you are which will actually highlight your character and your unique strengths for example imagine you see a guy with a huge cowboy hat on with jeans and fancy boots and immediately after seeing this guy you're probably going to think to yourself okay this guy his definitely from the south and he probably has a thick southern accent but you're also going to make a snap judgment about who he actually is in terms of his character just based on his clothes and also based on past experiences that you've had with guys who dressed like he dresses now this guy really is from the south and he ends up having a southern accent and that's great because he is dressing in a way that is extremely congruent with who he is as a person now imagine you went up to this guy and instead of having a southern accent he actually had a British accent and he started rapping a song to you that would make you feel pretty weird and uncomfortable because his clothes would be completely and congruent with his personality now one of the most effective ways to be real or to be the total opposite of fake is to match the way that you dress to the way that your personality is try to picture a guy who is dressed like he just got out of jail trying to act smooth like James Bond or something the image in your head of this guy trying to be slick while dressed like a thug is going to make absolutely no sense and this guy runs a serious risk of coming off as fake but it's not just your clothes it is actually your entire appearance so in other words everything about you should be congruent with all the other parts like the hair on top of your head if you have any your facial hair in other aspects of your grooming now the second key to achieving optimal congruence is to make sure that not only your clothes match but also your vibe this is one of the most difficult things for guys to get right but it's easily the most important I've met many guys who are really good-looking physically but the moment that they open their mouth it's obvious that they have the mindset of a 12 year old boy your vibe is like your energy or your presence went around other people and you'll frequently hear women talking about a guy who had a creepy vibe and all this really means is that he was not putting out the right image put sibley your vibe is nothing more than your emotional state around other people so for example are you nervous or are you relaxed in calm now one example of an incongruent I would be if you are super relaxed and confident one moment and then you constantly switch back and forth from nervous to relax over and over and over again this is why most people tend to feel really weird around crazy or paranoid people because their vibe is relaxed and calm one minute and then extremely nervous and paranoid the next which really doesn't make any sense so to keep your vibe consistent just think about what emotional state you want to be in which is usually one that is fun relaxed and confident and then maintain that mindset an emotional state when you are around other people I always talk about guys who are super confident in spunky around other guys but then when an attractive girl comes around they turn into Raj from the Big Bang Theory this is such an important point to remember because the realest men out there are those who stay consistent no matter who they are around a guy who was only confident around other guys and then suddenly doesn't say a word around an attractive woman is going to come off as really weird and creepy because he is displaying a huge incongruence in his behavior by doing this there's actually an old joke called the waiter trick where a girl is supposed to watch how you interact with her and then how you interact with the waiter or basically anybody who is a complete stranger and if they're huge incongruencies with how you treat her as opposed to how you treat the waiter then she is supposed to dump you now to be a congruent man and not a fake one is to make sure that your clothing your vibe and your body language all match together in perfect harmony and the greater the incongruencies that you have across these things the less real and more fake you will appear to others now let's face it nobody wants to come off as somebody who is fake so many guys are walking around right now who are dressing and speaking and behaving in ways that are not congruent with who they are and unless you're a really good liar most people are able to see right through this and something that men have always strived to be known for is authenticity and at the end of the day all that we really have is our reputation and our word so if you want to come off as real and authentic around other people make sure that your clothes your words and your actions match who you are right now in this moment and make sure that these things stay consistent no matter who you're talking with or what situation you're in and what that said until next time thanks for watching