How To Overcome Doubt Failure Lisa Nichols


Lisa Nichols


Lisa Nichols,motivation,self-help,The Lisa Nichols Show,perseverence,focus,Goals,goal setting,goal achieving,abundance,abundance now,YANA,BOL,mastery,business growth,abundant life,leadership,motivational speaking,personal development,women entrepreneurs,female role models,black women,black women in business,transformation,transformational coach,business coach,self development,how to,how to overcome,doubt and fear,doubt,fear

(soft music) - Hi there! and welcome back to the Lisa Nichols show. Where I share the tools that you desire, I desire, we desire to live the live that we wanna live. To have the memories we wanna have, and to have the experiences that we deserve to have. You know I always start by reading your comments because I love your comments. Michael, you commented on the episode, By the way, I love it when the men speak up. I love it when the men share their insights, their ah-has, and their comments. So Michael, thank you so much. You commented on the episode "Why Others Need To Hear Your Story." And you commented, quote "I love everything you're doing." Thank you so much. And you also said, "#BOL, breakthrough out loud, "I stand on my past, not inside the past." That's huge, Micheal, that you got that. There's a huge distinction when you decide to stand on your story, and use your story as your platform. Use it at the place that you start from. Versus standing in your past, or in your story, meaning it sorta still surrounding you. It's still in the way. That your story is more of a fortress, that thing that stands between you and your goals. Versus being the fuel, the thing that ignites you and excites you, and that's your why. Yeah, I love it that you get it. And Christa, you commented on the episode "Focus On What You Can Change." You said, quote, "Watching this has just made me realize "that I spend the majority of my time "worrying about things that are in my circle of concern, "and it's exhausting!" explanation point "Not to mention seriously unproductive!" explanation point. Yes. "I'm now going to try," So Christa, take out try, and just make the decision, but I love it. "I'm now going to spend more time "in my circle of influence, and see what happens. "Thank you so much!" You are welcome Christa, so much! I love it. Can I tell you, I just get this energy of just we're gonna make this happen, we're gonna do it together. When we share things like this, just in your comments right now, someone who didn't see that episode, right? Comment if you didn't see those episodes, but just in the comments that Michael and Christa said, now you're like, ah, I get that. See I love summary notes. I think that when you comment, it's like doing the cliff notes. When I was in school, I struggled with reading the entire chapter, or the entire assignment because I'm functionally dyslexic, which I embrace. But in school, we had such tight timelines as you know about. And so I would ask people, I not only want to read the part that I need to read, I want to read you cliff notes. 'Cause I would always realize that, if I partner with one of the smarter kids in class, and I was really kind, so I was kind, they were smart. And they knew that I was struggling in school, but I was trying really hard. I can not only read the assignment, but I could read their cliff notes, which means they took out what was important to them. And so over the years, even as an adult, I would borrow books, and I return them, I would borrow books from my really brilliant friends that I really admired, because I knew that they'd highlight the things that really mattered to them. And while I would read the entire book, I wanted to see what stood out to them. I would read their version after I read my version, without any highlights. So I would highlight my own, and then I would read the same book a second time, of a friend of mine who I admired and respected, to see what their highlights were. So, I love getting people's cliff notes. So when you give me your comments, that's like the cliff notes from each episode. So keep giving me your comments. Everyone loves them, we all gain from them. And it gives me a chance to revisit something that we said, that we liked, that gave value. So keep 'em coming! (soft music) So what I know, is I've had many, many moments of doubt. I've had tons of moments of feeling like I've failed. I've had more moments of loss than I care to remember. And I love the question, what do I do? To push past those. And I don't know if you can tell, but I don't ever prepare an answer for your questions. I simply see what comes up, 'Cause that's what you're here for. You're here for a conversation with a sister friend. Authentic, truthful conversation. So when you ask the question, what do I do? When it feels like I've failed, when I feel like I've lost, or I have moments of doubt. I do a few things. So let's talk about when I have doubt, 'Cause doubt normally happens before failure. 'Cause doubt is in the planning. And what I realize is doubt is like fear, for me. And I used doubt and fear in the same way. So doubt feeds me the information, that I don't have enough information. So let me say that again, doubt feeds me with the insight, that I don't have enough information. 'Cause if I'm doubting the idea, I'm doubting the direction, I'm doubting the strategy or the plan, then I realize that I don't have enough information to get me to a very clear, no. Sometimes, heck no, or H no! Or, yes. Heck yes. H yes! Right? Doubt says, I don't know enough, I don't know enough. Doubt about anything, anyone. Doubt about a business plan, doubt about a direction in your life, or doubt about a person. And sometimes, you can gather all the information you can, and then the rest is blind, unwavering faith. There's two things that can dissipate doubt. Collect more information, and know when it's time to lean on your faith. But when you lean on your faith, it's because you're moving in a direction where you can say, I know, like I know, like I know I'm supposed to be in this direction. A lot of times when people, lean into their intuitive calling, their intuitive pull, and they're going in a direction they know they should go in, but they're doubtful of what's in that direction, it's because, to me, you couple an intuitive movement with a solid plan. When you have both of those? Man! You win, like you win, like you win. Or at least you cannot lose. Because you took what felt right and you put a solid plan under it. The mistake I see a lot of 'em make, is that they're so engaged in the intuitive pull, that it feels good, that they think that feeling good is enough. No! You need to make a plan! How many hours a day are you gonna create the infrastructure under that feel good feeling? 'Cause I guarantee you, if you don't put enough action, enough consistency, and a strong enough strategy, under something that feels good, it ain't gonna feel good for long. And that's a relationship, too. You gotta plan. The best thing I heard with a therapist was, you gotta plan for the fight. Not assume we're never gonna fight. You gotta plan for the fight. as a matter of fact, you gotta set guidelines on the fight. Oh! When I first heard it I thought, what are you talking about? Quit calling into existence a fight. (laughs) And then I lived long enough, that was in my early 20's, by the way, I lived long enough, was in enough relationships friendship, family, and romantic, to realize, no there's a thing called healthy disruption, healthy conflict. I never thought that there was such a thing called healthy conflict. If you don't engage in healthy conflict, which means, it's absolutely okay to disagree. Matter of fact, it's necessary to disagree. 'Cause then we find how we communicate, how we engage, how we give and take, how we expand and contract, how we ebb and flow, how we compromise. You find yourself out inside conflict, inside stretch, inside failure, inside setback. You discover who you are. And more importantly, who you have the opportunity to become. Do you show up in such a way you go, man, I surprise myself. I didn't know I could do that. I didn't know I could rise above cancer like that. I didn't know I can rise above illness, or above breakdown, or above setback like that. Wow, okay. Or, I sat down on myself. I gave up. I got hooked in being right and being in control, and I ran away from the relationship too fast. I stopped it too fast. I allowed a speed bump in this relationship, to become a stop sign. It wasn't a stop sign to begin with, it was a speed bump. It was a hiccup. It was a moment of discovery. It was a moment of discord. It was a moment of disruption, and I allowed what was supposed to only be a speed bump, to turn into a stop sign. (sigh) I only know that in such detail, because I've done that myself. Here's the other thing. Is that, when you've managed doubt with the things I just mentioned. And you leap, and you jump, and you jump with the intention to fly, and you fail... Be willing to fail. But don't fail and just fall. 'Cause if you fail and just fall, all you're going to do from that point, is collect evidence why you should never leap again. Oh no, the last time I leaped, this happened. But if you leap and you fall, and you call it a "failure", just be committed to do what I do. I fail, I fail more than most. Failure says so many things. Number one, failure says I took a leap. So first, congratulate yourself. We tend to only focus on what didn't work. So in my company, we always fail forward. That's our commitment. We're going to fail, guys, 'cause we're playing big enough. Oh, by the way, the bigger you play, the more you fail. Because you're doing more things, you're up to more things. I don't want to live a safe life. I want my life to be threaded with failures. 'Cause if it's threaded with failures, then it's threaded with even more places where I played big. I took a leap, a risk, I took a chance on myself. Take a chance on yourself at the risk of failing. Just always be committed to fail forward. 'Cause when you fail forward, your failure has context. A failing forward says, what are the thee things I did right? And what are the two areas that I can improve upon? I didn't even do anything wrong, I just could improve upon the way I did it. 'Cause even in every spool of breakdown, there's a thread of goodness. In a spool of breakdown, there's a thread of goodness. In a spool of a broken relationship, there's a thread of what was good. I choose to focus on what was good that I could make better. And how could I have made it better? So what are the three things we did right, and what are the two areas that we can improve upon? Thomas Edison says, I didn't fail I didn't fail, I just found 10,000 ways to do it better. And then all of the sudden, you've got that thing called success. And success, oh by the way, is relative. Failure is also relative. I am the woman I am today, my level of compassion, my level of being present with people. I'm present with people the way I'm present, because of my failure to be present 10 years ago. Missing the moments when my son was six. Not remembering what his favorite toy was 'cause I was so focused on the future, I wasn't in the now. But I am so present now I'm not perfect in it, but I'm so much more present now. And people commend all the time, Lisa, you're so present when you're with us. Yeah, because I chose to fail forward. My gift today was born out of my failures of yesterday. So is it really a failure? Or is it a really wonderful lesson just wrapped in sand paper? And with loss, loss is something when we expected more. If you look at every moment as complete. I know it's difficult, it will take the grown-up us, the grown us, the mature us, to go when I look at loss, I had an expectation that would be more. So I'm making it mean that something is incomplete. The power of recognizing that every relationship, every moment, every job, everything you experience with someone, when it ends, it ends because it's complete. As a matter of fact, if you should ever, I hope that you have long-lasting relationships. But should you ever end a relationship with someone, friendship or otherwise, don't say, we broke up. You're still whole. They're still whole. Simply say, we're complete. We've had every experience we were supposed to have. We've laughed as much as we were supposed to laugh. We've cried as much as we were suppose to cry. We've made love as much as we were supposed to make love. We've grown up together as much as we're supposed to grow up together. We've experienced, we've done business to the degree we're supposed to do business, and now, we're simply complete. There is no loss. There's an experience, it has a lifecycle. And then it's complete. Now again, that's your grown up version. And you'll have to remind yourself who you are today, and you choose to hold onto that. So remember this show is not a monologue. It is a dynamic, rich conversation between you and I. I wanna hear from you. What was your breakthrough? What was your B-O-L around loss? Around failure, around doubt like, oh my god I didn't look at it that way. Or, Yana this is beautiful! I've been looking at it this way, and this is confirmation that I'm on the right track. Or, here's the new tool, the new skill, the new mindset that I choose to have about it. Leave me a comment below, I wanna hear from you! And subscribe, check in. This is your home, this is your community. We are your tribe, and I am your sister in possibility and in prosperity. And every single time I'm gonna tell you again and again, and again, and one more again, I love you, and I believe in you. Because I do! I'll see you soon. (soft music)