Khutbah Making marriage work Responsibilities of a Muslim couple Yasir Qadhi 11th Jan 2013

Author:

Yasir Qadhi

Keywords:

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Subtitles:
and alhamdulillah nahi madhu hollister you know who wanna start fellow Bonnaroo doubler him in Shirley Ann frisina womans a yachty a medina de la havana modu da da da da da da da da da la ilaha illallah wahdahu la sharika lah rosh hashanah muhammadan abduhu wa rasuluh johan latina am an otaku hahaha Quattroporte voila mo tuna 11:02 muslim-owned Johannes otaku Rebecca melody hala Akuma Nelson Waheeda Mahalo come in huzzah jaha Weber seminoma DJ Allen casino manisa water polo hey lady Tessa Aluna be he well or ham in logic on La Cumbre tiba yeah you had Medina a multiple la jara co 2 : sadita yosaku American oilfield welcome to do Beckham woman Utah allaha wa rasuluhu fucka deaf I suppose anathema am a bird my dear brothers and sisters in Islam of the greatest blessings that Allah subhana WA Ta'ala has blessed mankind with out of the blessings of this world is the blessing of family our Lord says in the Quran that the family is of his miracles that women irt he Allah says of his ayat and the meaning of ayah is a very profound word ayah means a sign ayah means a miracle ayah mean something to think about that will lead you to something much bigger so Allah is saying of his ayat is the fact that he has created for each of your spouse's he has created for each of you spouses from amongst you so that you can find peace and harmony in the other spouse little schooner alaihe Allah subhana WA Ta'ala says of his miracles is that women kun Lucia in Hana Hana so Jenny documented occur on for every single species Allah subhana WA Ta'ala has made it into pairs xoJane meaning the male and the female so that you can think so that you can ponder if Allah had wanted to he could have made us so that we reproduce individually like the amoeba like those one celled organisms do if Allah had wanted we could have done this but Allah is saying of his miracles is that he made the species the biological species into two pairs male and female why so that you can think and ponder why so that it is a miracle why sir that is is as a sign why so that you can find comfort and peace in the other and our Lord says in the Quran in the famous verse regarding husbands and wives humbly basilicum want to leave us alone that you are your God you are their governments and they are your garments you are their clothes and there are your clothes meaning each one of you finds comfort in the other like we find comfort in our clothes each one of us is protected in the other like we are protected in our clothes each one of us is beautified in the other like we beautify in our clothes each one of us is completed in the other like we feel literally naked without our clothes literally we are not complete without our clothes we cannot be seen in public without our clothes so Allah is saying the spouse complements you the spouse protects you the spouse makes you feel full and indeed our Lord mentions of his miracles and of his blessings Allah subhana WA Ta'ala says in the Quran wha-ho under the hakama nelma a bashar on fejoe a lihue Nessa benoît Sahara he is the one who has created man from water and lo and behold from this water you have become a person and then what feijoada who Nessa benoît Sahara he has given him progeny and extended family singer and the Arabic word said actually means the family through the in-laws as well so it actually means the family through the in-laws as well so it is as if Allah subhana WA Ta'ala saying that of his things of his miracles is the extended family even the family that is not even your blood family which is the extended family of the in-laws why because through your children your in-law is literally relates to you by by your blood your child his grandmother and grandfather through your spouse it is related to you by blood so Allah is saying of his miracles of the blessings he has given you is all of this family the extended family and therefore dear brothers and sisters in Islam when Allah has blessed us with this blessing of the family with every blessings comes responsibility with every blessings comes trials as well comes difficulties because there is no blessing that comes with no strings attached and indeed we all know that the family is the building block of a society we all know that a healthy society must be composed of a healthy family we all know that a family is happy Society is happy and therefore our religion has stressed our Quran has stressed our prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has stressed that we need to work on our marriages we need to work on finding that happiness within the family so in today's short Hodja I want to remind myself in all of you of some of the responsibilities that we have when we are a part of a family when we are a part of a family and today we will concentrate on the husband and the wife Anisha Allah in the nature hood we'll talk about greater responsibilities of the extended family realize that in particular when it comes to the husband and the wife there is no doubt that the Quran mentions this relationship more than it relations mentions any other relationship of the family and our prophet sallallahu alayhi wa seldom talked about this special bond in many a hadith of the most beautiful he said this whole world is nothing but meta and meta means pleasure and amusement that which brings about happiness this dunya is not eternal this dunya is meta you will enjoy it for a while then you will move on and then he said and in this whole world the best meta is a righteous spouse the best way to have a good life here saying the best way to enjoy a good life is to have a good spouse without a good spouse without having that good relationship then this world will not give you that type of Metta it will not give you that type of enjoyment the enjoyment will always be partial the full enjoyment he said the best enjoyment you can get obtained is the enjoyment that you can obtain from a righteous spouse and this is demonstrated even the creation of our father adam alayhis-salam which i mentioned in the classes that i was doing here at m.i.c when we talked about the story of adam that i said one of the most interesting points of the story of adam which is even a somewhat romantic point is that when Allah created Adam and before he asked Adam to enter agenda Allah subhana WA Ta'ala created immediately right then and there before causing him to enter Jannah Allah created how wa as his partner and then when the two of them existed Allah said to the two of them or both of you go into agenda and eat and drink and be merry it is as if you cannot fully enjoy even eating and drinking even living in gender will be incomplete without a family so Allah Azza WA JAL created Adam's family before he taught Adam going in joy agenda because you cannot even enjoy Jenna without having a family with you and this is of the beautiful stories of the Quran which actually goes against or contradicts the Bible because of the Bible it's a different version that Adam was lonely and Adam is wandering and Adam says I want somebody and I want companionship in the Quranic version and one knows what Adam wants and Allah knows that Adam will not be happy even in gender unless he has somebody at his side so even before Adam enters Jannah in the Quranic version even before Adam and transgender allah subhana wa ta'ala creates a spouse for him and this is of the romantic like benefits we can extract from the wisdom of the story of adam alayhis-salam and therefore brothers and sisters if the best enjoyment and the best pleasure of this world is a righteous spouse then each of the two spouses husband and wife each of them they need to work to ensure that their marriage is the best marriage and wallahi it is true and it is said by many people Muslim and non-muslim that when everything is happy inside the house everything will be good outside of the house when a person is blessed with a good family with a good marriage when the family is good then every other problem outside can be born you can bear it everything else is doable but when the family is in disaster when the family isn't ruined when you're not happy inside the house then no matter how much happiness you get outside the house you will not feel happy and this is the reality that a larger referenced in the Quran because what verb did he use to describe family living Letus kunu alaihe super and of course Sukkot doesn't just mean living it means finding peace and I mentioned this many times before that Allah doesn't says the Tuscola maha he says the Toscano umeå and there is a profundity that the fluence because of arabic will understand let us squirrel Eleni ha you will find your sukoon when you turn towards or when you embrace her when you literally are together Aloha you have to find sukoon together if you try to find ciccone by yourself it's not going to happen so both husband and wife they need to work on finding that sukoon both husband and wife they both have to find the sukoon together little squirrel elena and they're not going to find it individually and therefore let us remind ourselves of some of the primary responsibilities that the husband has over the wife and some of the primary responsibilities that the wife has over the husband let us began by talking about the rights that the husband has over the wife what was the wife do to bring about that happiness in the family and no doubt and this is a part of our Sharia and we do not apologize about this that Allah subhana WA Ta'ala has indeed placed the man in a certain degree of privilege above the women when it comes to the rights of the marriage not when it comes to spirituality they are equal not when it comes to their work in the eyes of Allah they are equal but when it comes to the legal rights of the marriage the no doubt there has to be one person who drives the ship one person who steers the married one person was in charge and it is quite clear in our religion that it is the man who has one barrage a as the Quran says one degree whether the Jolyon a henna donnager that men have one viraja over that of their wives and this is a this is a perfect this is in perfect harmony with how allah subhana Ratana created us so of the primary responsibilities of the wife is to understand that allah subhana wa ta'ala and not the husband not the man allah subhana wa tada has placed her husband in that one degree notice Allah did not say that men are masters over women Allah did not say men must subjugate women a lot did not say that men are the layers over women rather look at the phrasing and the Arabs understand this way originally allah in viraja men have just one degree that's it it's not as if there's competition rather if there is to be a superiority men have just a slight bit more privileged than women and Allah subhana WA Ta'ala says very clearly in the Quran a rejoinder for one moon either Lisa men are responsible for the women or one has a many meanings and all of them is number one there are responsible we'll talk about this in a little while number two they are in charge or it means the one who's in charge or in pay you otherwise names as a helper you and the same root comes in and so addresses average are would call Ramona and Nyssa and therefore and therefore a wife needs to understand that Allah subhana WA Ta'ala has created this paradigm this gender relationship not men this isn't some this isn't some chauvinism this isn't some man subjugating women the believing woman needs to realize it is allah subhanho wa taala who has created this world and he has put in it a certain methodology to live and operate and of that methodology the man is the one who needs to be respected and this is of the most important rights that the wife has to give to the husband that when the wife respects her husband then the husband will return that respect with love the husband will return that respect with nurturing with caring every single man what he truly desires from his wife is that he be respected and our prophecies have understood this our Lord understands it because he created us this way our prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam said in a very famous hadith M no doubt people make fun of this heavy they abuse it sometimes they take it to extreme but let us take it at his face value in one hadith our professors at him said and this hadith is reported in Abu Dawood until Midian acai in Muslim environment lots of different narrations he said I do not allow any human to prostrate in front of another Talon but if I were to have allowed it then I would have commanded the wife to do such the in front of her husband because of the rights that he has over her now this is a very deep hadith and it is clear of course that we're not allowed to do such they were not allowed to prostrate but our powerful system is striking a point he's putting something into perspective and he is saying something that well why he every man knows even if they don't know how to say it and that is what makes a man truly feel like a man is when his wife respects him when his wife gives him there is that he deserves when his wife does not mock him does not belittle him does not sarcastically brush him away when his wife does not treat him like his mother if to do this then she is asking for destruction upon herself and this is something that modern psychologists are also now finally realizing after they went through a phase in the 40s 50s 60s of a feminist type of thought and revolution now they are finally returning back full circle and they are realizing look it isn't that they called it in the nature of men we say Allah created men this way that men need respect from their wives and when the wives respect them they will return back that respect with the ultimate love the ultimate protection wives if you want your husband's to love you you want your husbands to notice you you want your husbands to literally be at your beck and call well why this is the case all you need to do is respect them and when you respect them they will literally become men for you because this is how allah subhana wa ta'ala created us and a part of that respect and let me be a little bit frank here a part of that respect which is emphasized in our quran and sunnah is the right of the husband to be intimate with his wife we all know that the Quran and the Sunnah is very explicit in this regard that when the husband desires the wife and he calls her to that act and he wants her we all know that our prophet system has said a woman is never allowed to refuse unless of course she is genuinely sick or she is in her menses or something but otherwise just because she's tired just because she doesn't feel like it she should not say no to her husband now we need to realize that when a woman says no this isn't just the act that she's turning down this is the height of disrespect that the husband is saying I want you I'm interested and the wife turns the cold-shoulder turns the other side and this hurts the husband's ego more than anything else and frankly brothers and sisters this is something again even non-muslims are learning to recognize if you read any model book written in the last decade or so about marital relations about husband and wife relations you will all see that everything modern psychologists modern psychiatrist is discovering the same thing that if the husband is respected and if this issue and that is the issue of intimacy is good in a marriage then everything else that husband overlooks everything else he'll try to work around well pretty much everything else in one statistic I read that some survey has that said that 95 percent of marital problems from the husband come because he's not happy in the bedroom and well why this is not too far from the truth if you make her husband floor respected and you give him this urge that he has then he will overlook many faults but if this urge is not satisfied then what's going to happen every single small issue will become a big one why was the food salty why is this that way why is this dish over here why did you do that why did you do this and the wife will not understand the cause for this pettiness but this cause is because the husband has been disrespected it is because the husband has not been given there is a-- that he deserves and this is why i rochelle ER knowing the reality of men has put this into check and our lord and our prophet system have been so strict on this issue we all know the hadith of the process of in which he said if the husband is angry at his wife because she doesn't come for this deed then the angels of the heavens cursor until the morning think about this while what our religion be so strict because Allah created us and Allah knows that if this aspect is given then the marriage is generally generally speaking then the other faults would be overlooked and if this is not given then other faults come about also our wives our sisters need to realize that as wives Allah subhana WA Ta'ala has given their husbands an amount of respect that is honestly amazing our prophet sallallaahu either here said them said any woman who fasts Haram a bond and gives a master says with five prayers and all those who husband shall enter gender subhanallah entering gender has become linked to obeying the husband as long as she does the watch Abacha has to pray five times a day fast from Oban and then basically obeys her husband in another hadith our prophets of allah mana he was seldom said any woman who dies while her husband is happy with her shall enter jannah and obviously this is if she has done the requirements of being a good Muslim which is to pray and fast and give zakat what not if she does these things and then her husband is pleased with her then she shall enter Jannah now why would a religion be so strict about this issue because the happiness of the husband comes from the happiness of the wife and the happiness of society comes from the happiness of the marriage so honestly literally it is as if the wife in her hand she has the whole society because if she distracts the husband the marriage is destroyed if the marriage is destroyed the children is destroyed if the truth'll is destroyed society is destroyed so to put this big burden on work our Lord has in fact told her you know what you have Jenna if you make your husband happy this becomes her primary duty after worshiping Allah subhana WA Ta'ala because literally the happiness of society comes from her if she makes their husband happy the family is happy if the family is happy society is happy so what does our Lord say pray your prayers faster double-bond be good to your husband you're going to Jenna and realize again my dear sisters if you have a man in allah azza wajal and in his messenger this is not from a chauvinist mill this is from your Creator and this is from the Prophet that you believe in it is not coming from a person that wishes to subjugate you it is coming from the one who created you and me and who knows you and me better than we do and you know Society and he knows what society needs and so the bottom line my dear sisters in Islam realize that the ultimate the ultimate responsibility that you have is to respect your husband in a manner that brings about that love brings about that comfort and I have referenced a book in the classes that I taught and it is called the submissive wife the submissive wife it is written by a woman was a non-muslim she's a feminist and she went through two failed marriages and then she was asking herself why am I having these failed marriages perhaps I'm being too harsh too stubborn to I'm trying to be too domineering in the relationship so she turned around she flipped around totally and she said let me be feminine again let me be feminine let my husband take charge and she done writes this book of her own experiences that being a submissive wife and by submissive will Italy we don't mean a stuff for her she should take any abuse no we don't mean this we mean she should give her husband the right that her husband has which is that he'd be in charge of the marriage he be the ones literally and metaphorically driving the car literally the one in charge of the marriage right he was the pants in the family as they say when she began doing this what happened she had the best marriage and it was the most successful marriage and she said any to chronicle all of this and she wrote a good book that I reference you to read it it's called the submissive wife you will find it on every single bookstore these are some of the rights over the husband that she has over the wife how about the other way around the rights that the wife has over the husband no doubt once again our religion understands that the woman is a fragile creature her needs are very different than that of the man and the primary need that the woman has is to feel comforted is to feel protected the woman needs to feel safe she needs to feel protected she needs to feel the love of her husband and if she does not feel that love then the marriage will never be successful and by the owner reiterate here the primary thing that the man wants is to be respected and the primary emotion that the woman wants is to be loved is to be adored is to be protected and this is a beautiful concept of human psychology which modern psychiatrists have pointed out that when the man is respected he shows love and the world when the women is loved she shows respect it's actually a circular relationship when you give what the other partner once you will receive what you want in return and husbands I tell you now very explicitly here if you don't treat your wife with love with tenderness with compassion how do you expect her to treat you with respect if you treat your wife harshly rudely quickly do you expect her to have that treatment back to you in return that you want as you give unto her so you shall receive back and this is exactly the message of our Quran and our Sunnah our prophet sallallaahu either who was said in fact before this Allah subhana WA Ta'ala says in the Quran why I shouldn't wound up in my roof live with women in kindness my roof means do that which is admirable but we can say in our modern English be a gentleman to them this is really how the verse translates that be a gentleman to them act with them in a manner that will bring about what you want in return and our professional of why the hero Selim reminded men to be gentle with women astaizu billah sorry Kyra I command you to treat women in kindness in good and he told us that all men women are not going to be like you want them to be they are created from a part of Adam he said from the rib of Adam and he said the ribbet Adam is not the straight part the woman is not going to be like you what you think you know straight from your perspective the woman is not going to be straight so if you expect her to act like you want her to act the marriage is going to break rather he said overlook her faults be good to her Estela business are a hero be good to women and another hadith he said that best of you all those who are best to their wives and I am the best to my wife's the best of you are those who are best to their wives and I am the best to my wives and in fact in the very last ultima that he gave in front of a hundred thousand people and had jetted without What did he say he said all men fear allah subhana wa ta'ala with regards to your women fear Allah it took allah fear allah why why is he using the word fear because and this is the sad reality that a man and a woman a husband and a wife they are cut off from society the society does not know what's happening in the bedroom in the in the living room in the kitchen they don't know and the man is the physical is more powerful one so many times the man will be abusive physically abusive emotionally abusive and society does not know and so I will and so our Prophet SAW said o men if you think you have power over women how about the power of Allah over you how about the power of Allah over you remember that as you treat women Allah is watching you so in the very last hood but that he gave in front of that hundred thousand audience what did he say it doubler - Nisa have the tougher when it comes to dealing with your wives imagine such a big gathering such an auspicious gathering and what did he remind them of so many things he could upset but you see once again family is not a trivial matter family is the building block of society and an entire paragraph of that football towada an entire paragraph is dedicated to the family because once again it is one of the most important elements that our religion has come to preserve and so our prophecies and reminded men that fear allah subhana wa ta'ala when it comes to women remember that yes you might be more physically powerful yes you might have the domineering personality but what you do to them Allah is watching you don't abuse the power don't abuse that power over women and in fact and I have to say something that it is considered taboo we don't like to talk about it but to Allah it is my job and it is your job of all allama to talk about this issue and that is the issue of spousal abuse it is the issue of being physical of domestic violence brothers and sisters realize that our prophet salallahu alayhi wa send them he forbade initially he forbade any type of beating and he made it how long and then it so happened that the women began to be a little bit more arrogant and rude and they would respond back and so it was about beg for permission that o Messenger of Allah let us discipline them like we used to discipline them and serve the prophecies in las casas which means he reluctantly agreed the next morning so when the news spread that he has allowed it who as it was forbidden now he has made it along when the news spread that okay it is allowed if your wife is rude that you can do this and that the next morning over 50 ladies came to complain to the Prophet system that my husband has been physical my husband has beat me the prophecies in him called the husba called it wasn't fighting it was not Jamar he called the hata he tells the people to come to the Masjid and all the people of Medina came and he made a general announcement he said today 50 women came to my house complaining about their husbands these husband's there are not the best of you there are not the best of you and we discovered them from being physical with their wives and he said in one hadith he said how could one of you this is a hadith how could one of you hit your wife like you reach your animals this is what you do to a account or sheep or goat or worse how could you hit your wife like you hit your animal and then the same night you go and then you sleep next to or you sleep with her how could you do this meaning it's the height of inhumanity your wife is not an animal that you treat her like an animal and I say this as bluntly as possible or men any amongst you who beats his or her his wife were wrong if this person is not a man any who bits his wife he is not a man and our sisters if your husband is being abusive if your husband is being physical then get help especially if that abuse is a threat to your life it is a threat to your dignity and honor get help from those who will help you from your extended family and friends from society from the people in the Masjid do not allow a person to threaten your life even if that person is your husband Irish area does not allow such type of abuse and we have to be very frank and firm here that are stuffed full of some of our cultures some of our Islamic cultures Muslim cultures I have to say this sadly they have misused and abused these principles and they have considered it to be permissible for a man to beat his wife my dear brothers and sisters in Islam my dear brothers and sisters in Islam our prophet salallahu alayhi wa sent them as the ultimate role model and Aisha said in a hadith in Bukhari that will llahi the prophecy salem's hand never hit a woman or a servant in his whole life her mother once wrote eased his hand except feasible Allah in the battlefield in Jihad that's what you call manhood not in the house against an innocent woman against somebody who is smaller than your weaker than your puny er than you and then you think you're going to be the man by hitting her how do you think you will bring about a healthy relationship how do you think your wife is going to respect you if you raise your hand against her and if there are problems and no doubt sometimes there are problems realize that being physical is not the way to solve it I am NOT saying that women are all innocent in that they don't have any problems yes they might have some issues but do you think being physical with them will bring about the respect that you want and so my dear brothers in Islam our Sharia our Sharia has commanded us to be gentlemen with our wives our Sharia has said the best of us are those who are best to our women and our professor Salim said that I am the best to my wife and I conclude here and I conclude here by reminding ourselves before I move on to the second hood but with some more practical advice by reminding ourselves that our prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa send them can move the eye dear life we all acknowledge this and in his years of being married to so many women he was married to nine wives as we know when he passed away some bowl of water he was seldom in all those years I issue says he never once rebuked his wife he never once raised his voice he never once hit them and this is the height of the UH knock and the manners that our prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam demonstrated and then the second football talk about some more practical advice barakallahu walikum for an italian when i finally welcome the man field Malaya to a particular Hakim a holy mattis Marilyn was tough for Allah Almighty welcome what he said Muslim included Memphis tough little in the whole or food or Rahim alhamdulillah alhamdulillah Hill you are headed I had a some other lady amulet one amulet well um you could level Khufu and I had can ask the brothers to move forward we already packed in there are people that are going to be coming my dear brothers and sisters in Islam realize that a marriage is a union of two people and it is impossible for two people to live together except that some issues will come about you have problems with your boss with your co-workers you have problems with those you're sitting next to in the bus or the trailer and the airplane how can you not have problems with the one you're spending 20 30 40 50 years of your life with to have marital problems is a part and parcel of being women it's impossible for a marriage not to have its ups and downs the goal is that there are more ups than downs that's really the goal every marriage will have its ups and downs and the successful marriages the one that the good is more than the bad not that there is no bad and anybody who thinks this before they are America's no married couple can think this way anybody who thinks this is being naive and you're setting yourself up for trouble and of the best illustrations for this is the fact that our own Prophet Muhammad Sal Allahu alayhi wa seldom had marital problems and although he it is mind-boggling when you think about it and yet it is also one of the biggest mercies from Allah if Allah had wanted to he could have made the marriage of our prophets awesome with his wives to be absolutely ideal in that they never once had a fight but you see if he made it that ideal it would have become a superhuman marriage is that not true right and what if that were to have happen we could not have benefited from him someone wider he was what we had marital disputes for him him to be a true role model for us he had to go through somewhat of what we also go through and so we have multiple incidents that even our issue and our prophecies and have sir and our prophecies and they're having issues back and forth sometimes a little bit of tension and in all of this we learn how we overcome that tension we learn what is to be done and I shall long dad I wanna summarize some of the etiquettes that we learn from the Quran from the Sunda and from human psychology from common sense the first practical advice is that every spouse needs to realize that just like your spouse is not perfect just like your spouse has faults you need to realize you have faults as well it's very easy for you to pick the force of your spouse but realize that your spouse also finds legitimate faults in you this is the first step to having a healthy discussion and dialogue to realize we're both human you know what I have some complaints about my wife but I'm sure she has to have legitimate complaints about me because after all I'm human I'm not superhuman I'm not an angel I must have my faults every one of us has to come to the negotiating table with this in mind if anyone thinks that he or she is perfect well llahi you are being arrogant and you're setting yourself and your marriage up for failure no one is perfect you might have 1020 things about your spouse to have a problem with maybe they're legitimate but you have to realize maybe your spouse has a longer list than you do and even if she doesn't have a long list she must have a list because you are human and so you have to have faults as well another point we need to realize is that every list that you have a false and problems with your spouse realize that you will have a longer list of good qualities but the problem is you take the good for granted to overlook the good you don't appreciate the good our prophet salallahu alayhi wa seldom said let no believing man hate his wife the living wife let no note man he'll turn up Mina let no husband who's a Muslim hate his Muslim wife don't hate your wives why he said even if you dislike one characteristic you will like others beautiful hadith profound even if there's a legitimate Mabel it's a legitimate problem maybe she has a sharp tongue maybe she does but then she is a loving mother to your children maybe she spends a lot more than you would like her to spend maybe but then she treats you one in the house she she keeps your house in order so whatever problem you have our prophet system is saying think about the good as well think about the positive as well and this is another important element to have a healthy marriage that don't just concentrate on the negative it's a human nature to take the good for granted also realize dear brothers and sisters also realize that Allah Subhanahu WA Ta'ala has given us a beautiful reminder in the Quran a good news that every couple should jump up for and rejoice when they read it and they listen to it and they believe in it and this good news is universal to every Muslim couple Allah says in the Quran in you reader is la hanging you were ah who bein Alma in this simple phrase every troubled couple every marriage that is on the rocks every single couple that is having problems well why they should jump for joy or to be more honest they should fall down in sajda thankfulness to Allah subhana wa tada what does the verse say Allah says if the both of them husband and wife if the both of them genuinely want to resolve their problems we'll solve their problem for them I'll ever take it on a guarantee this is a guarantee in the Quran but the only one condition just one both parties want to come to the table with an open heart that's all in you read Islam you are certain now who being a homer if the both parties truly want to form a relationship they want to forget the past they run away well then allah azza wajal will bring about that reconciliation between them and that's a beautiful beautiful passage that should bring hope to every troubled troubled marriage brothers and sisters when your marriage is in trouble approach your spouse directly be honest be polite be firm be frank don't be condescending don't be demeaning don't speak when you're angry speak in a calm manner and explain the problems if the problems get worse reach out to family and friends as allah says in the quran let the husband reach out to one let the wife reach out to another and the two of these act as judges for the family this is in the quran further to a hakama man daniel hakama met leah the couple should reach out to family and friends and arbitrator have a neutral party let the husband reach out to a family or friend a senior member let the wife reach out and then the two of them will try to resolve their conflict and our professor some helped out in many times in his life in the marriages of other people and if this does not work then the only resort is divorce and even in divorce brothers and sisters the quran has so much to say that even divorce should be done with good allah says even divorce should be done upon good terms okay some marriages don't work out this is the reality and our Sharia allows for a good exit an honorable exit and this exit should not be one that is filthy that is dirty even in divorce Allah subhana WA Ta'ala reminds you that either keep your wife and good or let her go in good form Sukanya Verma roofin of Syria preliminary Maalouf if you're going to keep her be good if you're going to let her go then also be good as you let her go a divorce does not have to be filthy or dirty or bitter no the Sharia does not require or does not encourage or does not want this type of divorce and that is right and that is why even at the time of divorce our Sharia says the husband has to give an extra gift to his wife subhanAllah you don't give gifts at the divorce in this society but what does the Sharia say that one material will not give them a gift at the end of divorce give them a gift so that there's no bitterness left in the heart and well there's our sisters this is a long topic and the time is of the essence here but I just want to point out one thing and that is that our Sharia has a mechanism to make a divorce reasonable and not unreasonable that even if a divorce is taking place then the Sharia says you are not allowed to divorce in a state of anger you have to calm down and you have to wait until your wife finishes a cycle you're not allowed to divorce a woman in her menses why because we now know that in romance as a woman she is a little bit more over reactive she's a little bit more you know a finicky so - Elia says in her menses no you cannot even divorce her you have to wait until her menses finishes if you have been intimate with her then you cannot divorce her until that entire cycle is over and the next cycle begins why you calm down the race has never done in the state of haste in the Sharia if you wish to divorce it must be done in a state of calmness in a state of premeditate you think about it you let some weeks go by then she finishes a cycle then you don't touch her then you divorce her one you divorce one of the biggest problems we have is that brothers and their anger they utter three divorces no this is a big mistake and I have to say this in the hood but because we don't want these problems to come later on if you feel that a divorce is the only way out after all else has failed then the follow the proper methodology of divorce find out how to divorce Islamic Lee divorce has done after a purity cycle is over and you haven't touched her you're not a to divorce a woman you have been intimate with until the cycle is over you're not allowed to divorce a woman in the menses you have to be calm you have to wait you have to wait till she finishes one cycle she becomes pure she takes the bath then you give one divorce and then you do not touch her for three cycles and she is required under Sharia to live in your house why because Allah is asking you are you sure you want to divorce her can you live without her okay then live without her for three months under the same roof don't touch her don't kiss her don't be physical don't be romantic three nuts in the same house - Adi requires look at the mechanism setup you really don't want to live with her prove it and after three months if you have not touched her then she become as a free woman and she goes and she goes to another house after this look at the mechanism set up for divorce and this is a long topic but the bottom line is even if divorce takes place the Sharia has a beautiful mechanism to ensure that both parties genuinely want to move on and move to other marriages brothers and sisters in Islam let us conclude this whole plan and shadow there will be future hood buzz about this issue as well let us conclude this quote by reminding ourselves of that beautiful hadith of the prophet salallahu alayhi wa seldom that ahmed Amina amman and sanam hulu ha the most perfect of believers in their iman is the one who has the best manners and the one who who have the best manners are the ones who are the best to their families the most perfect of believers are those who have the best manners but who is the ultimate judge of how your manners are it's not public it's not your coworkers it's not the person you're sitting next to for a 10 20 30 minutes it is your life companion if your life companion can testify you have good manners if your husband your wife can testify that you know what despite all of his flaws he truly is a gentleman she truly acts like a lady whenever she's angry whenever he's angry they can still control their you can be a good spouse to your husband to your wife that is the ultimate test of manners and if you have passed the manners test you have passed the Iman test and for this hood there will be other hood bus as well a llama in Edina MN o a la maleta Donna Fiorito meezerman in LaGuerta well ahem Manila for watch the well attained and in local data when i'm marieve on english' theta when I see an 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