Mean Tweets – Oscars Edition


Jimmy Kimmel Live


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I feel like if you went to lunch with Natalie Portman, she would only order a hot tea with lemon and maybe some toast. Definitely not an entree though. You are wrong! Oh look at me, I'm Ryan Gosling, I have perfect bone structure and kind eyes. Go [BLEEP] yourself, Ryan Gosling. Samuel L. Jackson has resting fart face. Yes I do. I'm going to white balance my TV on Jessica Chastain's chest. I don't even know what that means. Are we all just ignoring the fact that Eddie Redmayne and Felicity Jones have the same face? Dear Eddie Redmayne, I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit, you're the scum between my toes. Love Zhenya. Tanner raised his arms and my dad looks at his armpit hair and says "you look like you have Whoopi Goldberg in a headlock." Really? That's it? Lin-Manuel Miranda looks like he's getting a 1996 NBC sitcom with his haircut. Casey Affleck is the real life version of Billy Bob Thornton's character in "Sling Blade". Emma Stone looks like a crack whore in every role she plays. Great. Miles Teller has the face of a guy who request Gangnam Style at a wedding where he doesn't know either the bride or groom. Fair enough. Now's probably a good time to remind everyone about this dog that looks like Tilda Swinton. I think Jeff Bridges wears pants a lot less than we all think he does. Well that's actually true. Robert De Niro is too old to be making gangster movies still. Dude needs to start playing grandfather roles or something. Yeah I am playing grandfather roles, and pretty soon I'll be playing great-grandfather roles. [BLEEP] you!