Melyssa Ford On Recovering From NearFatal Accident Finding Purpose Hollywood Unlocked More

Breakfast Club yeah mr. world most dangerous morning shot of Breakfast Club Charlemagne to God Angela II DJ interview had to go to Iran he had to go what you went I don't know yeah la conference one going to do something yeah Tony sunshine a big point going to perform somewhere hey this is our friend Melissa pusheen good male what did you say um lick me till I scream Jesus Christ I mean your t-shirt game is so on point that I had to come in here and read phenomenally black yeah well congratulations Melissa because you guys have the show now on I heart I know like what was I heart thinking you know I I love it it's um you know Jason and I started Hollywood unlocked uncensored as the podcasts literally like but just over three years ago and no promise of anything we just literally sat down in front of a couple of mics and just started talking shit to each other you know and it just we just discovered we had a lot of really dope chemistry and so y'all do have a good chemistry Jason Leigh can be a bit much well how does Angela deal with you know stance let me ask you this when do people come after you for his opinions like don't you why don't you keep him in line how could you let him go I'm like I can't make him say anything and I don't always agree with what he says yeah nothing I can do about it and imagine you argue everything all the time people then people get mad if you argue yeah and people be like oh why do you got to spoil everything by disagree it doesn't matter you can't win no matter what you do ya know that's clear because I'm in the comments and I'm like this shit is exhausting about you're not responsible for Jason exactly and and I love the fact that he has such a big bold opinion and he is like fearless in expressing it that is him that's his schtick I am the voice of reason you know I'm the mr. fact-checker and I represent for women I'm the you know I'm swimming in testosterone in the studio with him and DJ damage I know don't you feel like when you leave work that you're like I don't even want to talk to a guy for two hours at least I just need to decompress that's I guess not I feel like I'd be like I need to have some women around me and just till I get back to myself for a minute the dynamics are different cuz Jason is gay no like me and him you just fake gay no you know what Jason is one of the most alpha males I've ever met in my life you know he doesn't lead with his sexuality he just also doesn't you know hide it um so he's very very manly let me see this because DJ damage came on the show later than you did how many hosts is you guys have to go through because we talked about chemistry and how difficult that is and so you guys came to the 3a yah this is it well Jason didn't have any radio experience and but he doesn't you know kind of like a show with you and Claudia Jordan from the funeral yeah and little Moe was it my god that show would have been a train wreck reckless hope they burn them that the audio for no no it's still available trust me he's nervous it was actually pretty quiet in it because trying to get a word in edgewise while you and Claudia Jordan were talking was almost impossible that was fall to be you know really I remember Jason saying it was supposed to be you but no it's probably because I lived here at the time or some direction I don't know it was or I was doing blood sweat and heels or I don't know something but I knew that radio experience yeah so that you know that's where we met them our little love affair began yeah I'm over at Sirius radio so when we decided to do the podcast I said we need somebody who's completely different from us we like let's get a comedian you know so we can kind of break things up somebody who has knowledge in sports definitely a guy and so we started interviewing comedians from all deaf digital mm-hmm yeah so they brought a whole bunch of them in and so our first we picked out this guy named oh boy oh boy yeah he flamed out in about five episodes what happened I guess he my my perception of it he really he was concerned with his career you know and elevating it and moving through the ranks of you know comedy and whatnot but I don't think that he really understood the opportunity you know as it is a grind at first it is a real grunt you're not promised anything when you start podcast there's there's no money in that right there's zero must a lot of commitment and no money exactly there's zero money in podcasting until you have an audience and then you've or you're talking about something niche you know what I mean like if you're talking about knitting with a certain kind of crochet technique right you know I'm saying and you got five thousand darting fans listening to your podcast then you're probably gonna get you know sponsors and advertisers that are related to the content that you're producing but podcasting there's no promise until you build your own audience and that takes some time and then advertisers and sponsors if you're lucky they come in so we had no promise of money and so I guess he just didn't really see the long the long run which is fine and then I was like Jason we are not going to keep on doing this with co-housed we need to keep the chair empty with recurring host and let our audience choose who you love right you know and so we had a bunch of different people I was really partial to spank Horton oh yeah well now he doesn't but he's you know he's not as big as he is now the red cup boys and you know Kevin didn't have lol Network yet so he was my choice I could see why you would want that yes very and but we ended up with geo because the people chose him and he was a really great dynamic people used to get on my case about you know Melissa's such a pretentious bitch she's so mean to geo I'm like he loves being my punching bag you know Jason kept insinuating that he was gay it's fun right you know it's just it's fun um but then that didn't work out why don't that work out um you got tired of me to call gay yeah no that's becoming my breaking point no well hysterical no he actually departed from the show while I was gone recovering from my car accident so I guess there was just like you know shit happens breakdown and dynamic and then just stuff that is kind of personal that's not my business to reveal I needed a buffer in the room a voice of reason yeah well the voice of reason was you know literally still trying to get her life together talk about that yeah so DJ damage came in and damage is so different from you know Jason and I and everybody who came before him because he's just so produced I mean it's a radio guy he's a walking Colgate commercial super professional you know super produced in you know my god watching him do ads I'm just literally staring at him like you needed though like no discipline yeah he was the piece that Hollywood unlock needed to be shows yes we needed the discipline we needed structure exactly we needed the structure and he provides that structure and I just think as um you know just as a package deal for I heart we just looked really really appealing so doc Winters who you and Doc Windsor so thank you but you've you've been known how like dope we were and you talked to talk about it and finally you know people started to kind of get the get the memo and now here we are I heard part of the I heart family now there was a period of time when we didn't think you would be able to come back to the show and you had a really bad accident yeah that you posted about and you suffered from depression after that yeah talk about that tragedy and what happened um well uh I was going to tanks a fiance now wife zina foster sorry zina Babs I was going to her bridal shower and it was June 28th 2018 at exactly 1237 p.m. and I know this because my phone was mounted GPS I was in an area valet that I'm not familiar with border of Pasadena and and Glendale I was on the 134 and there was a semi-truck next to me you know tractor-trailer a lot of dirt on it and the rest of the highway was empty surprisingly enough so I had on like this Diane von Furstenberg dress it was bad hair done jewelry on everything at high heels and stuff like that and then the tractor-trailer was kind of swaying back and forth and I believe that the tire connected with my back tire because I had there was this massive impact that I felt that you know kicked my tire out and like instantly put me into like a spin and I was driving a beast of a Jeep like my Wrangler was my oh I love this thing every time I came outside and I saw it in my driveway I was like hi I love you you know it was like my dream to have like a Wrangler since I was a little girl and had a three inch suspension kit on it 36 inch tires like it was bad but also that suspension kit like it was really you know it was it did not feel stable especially after getting hit by a truck so I started to spin out and I tried to counter the spin I don't know if I made it worse or made it better i wasn't manipulating the pedals but at one point I just I realized I was gonna flip and that this was just it no it was to the side of it yeah and so am i I literally could see my exit like and so they say that the accidents happened within five minutes of your destination super true and my in my case and so as soon as I realized that like that my car was gonna flip over I just took my hands off the of the wheel and I just kind of sat there and waited for it to happen those moments like before I just thought to myself I'm not gonna make it yeah yeah um sorry I don't like wanna get like emotional but um yeah when you think to yourself like I'm not gonna make it you just you got to make peace with that you know and so my Jeep flips and um what I remember most was not my girl did my makeup today fuck that okay so what you realize so this Jeep starts to flip and what I really remember the most is the sound of like metal on pavement which is like the worst sound ever like that screeching and that's and there's the the violence of the impact of flipping so my Jeep came to rest upside down but the roof had been ripped off just through from the impact of flipping five times and I don't remember any of that apparently Good Samaritan stopped on the highway three guys picked my Jeep up one of them pulled me out and then my head was like cracked open like an egg a massive skull fracture my brain was bleeding which was determined later on when I had my MRI and and my cat scans and stuff massive concussion of course and one of the guys took his shirt off and literally held my wound closed you know and they just some other guy took his hat off and put it over my face cuz that it was it was a beautiful day hey you know you know what the day reminded me of 9/11 remember 9/11 here in New York oh it was it but it was a beautiful day it was like 73 74 degrees cloudless sky sunny beautiful and then tragedy struck and I just remember thinking how beautiful the day was and I remember thinking on this particular day just how beautiful the day was and so when I came to I was lying on my back and looking up at the Sun in the sky I was like fuck why is my back so hot and then I was I came to a dazeem I came to at the scene but by this time all this good Samaritans were gone and I was EMT worker so I was like why am I looking at this guy and why is my back so hot and then I saw the guys with their yellow yellow uniforms I was like who are these guys and that's when I realized what had happened and I just kind of looked to the side and I saw my Jeep and it upside down and it was smashed to smithereens and I just couldn't believe I couldn't believe it it was like a state of suspended reality you know and I was in total shock so I felt no pain I could only see out of one eye because there was like just blood all over my face and pooling in this eye and then they told me that like I was losing consciousness and while I was still there so they put an IV in me to get fluids going package me up threw me and the eight and ambulance cut my clothes off I only got to wear that dress [Laughter] so and then they took me to the hospital and the hospital I don't know how it is that I ended up at Huntington Memorial but the shit has valet and a waterfall in it like I hit up at the right Hospital and the staff was they were just so great so as soon as they brought me into the trauma room neurologists trauma surgeons they were all the flurry of activity and stuff and then that's when people started to come in because they just I don't know who got a hold of my phones and would you believe it I had two phones at the time neither screen was cracked Jesus how the fuck I mean right but I don't know I had a I had a Samsung and I had an iPhone and both of them the screens were commercial for both of them I know crazy um it was it was insane but yeah so somebody got a hold of my phones and they just started calling everybody like when I say everybody I don't know how she got into the phone she did god she got in the phone so she started calling my call log and so she called everybody from Stephen a Smith - Craig Wayans I was like not the first people I got all good you know I love you guys I mom right maybe look for Mom okay I was out of the country and I didn't I always put my phone away when I'm out the country with somebody I was with me was like yeah Melissa Ford is in a terrible car accident ya know she's gonna make him like what yeah what's that like hearing when you like have a friend like when I heard it they said you were in a coma yeah yeah yeah don't mean I've never I've never asked you about this mm-hmm could I don't want to hear about it I feel the way I feel right now mm-hmm no I was just happier when you you're here I rather focus on that and focus on what actually happy you know yeah no I get it I mean I had men like grown men who are friends of mine call and break down sobbing on the phone at the thought that I had that I'd moved on that I passed away because of what I came to realize what I represent and represented in my friends live lives which made me feel really really really good you know and that whole saying of like give people their flowers while they're here it's really true um it was it was almost like I was attending my own funeral from like the from the people that came to my rescue you know from the people that defended you know anybody who found humor in in this you know like Oh was she driving her Honda Accord okay the joke is literally what 12 15 years old now like find some motherfucking material people but like it just when people were finding making light of it you know friends like Claudia Jordan and my girlfriend Miriam they were they just went off on people and were posting like no this was really really serious and then the pictures got out that I didn't even know existed apparently one of the good Samaritans that stopped for me he was afraid that his boss wouldn't believe that this is the reason he was late for work so he took pictures of me the accident the scene video and everything two days later it's everywhere radar online People magazine Us Weekly he sent the pictures out uh I said I don't know what happened I'm I'm in the hospital at that point you know and surrounded by friends he loved ones it was the outpouring of love and support was humbling and really beautiful I don't remember stopping to pray on the beach thank you as soon as I heard I hate when people you get that kind of news and yeah like that's the last thing I want to do oh I mean the amount of people who insert them inserted themselves into like my tragedy well I was it was hysterical to me I was like but you didn't even call me so you're posting about me on social media you're adding me and then I see in the comments people are just like oh my they thought I died I'm so sorry for your loss wait hi it was a him for so it's just it's really interesting whenever people you're on social media insert' themselves into other people's tragedy in order to like bring attention to themselves again it's a little sick narcissistic to a really very narcissistic messed up somehow it's loving yourself yeah how is the road to recovery how was that for you so the road to recovery was was horrific when I left the hospital I left using a walker I couldn't walk I was having you know cognitive and speech issues definitely memory still bad vertigo um pain obviously that's set in but so I had to walk with a walker for about a month and you know Melissa she is a gym before always hiking always her workouts are insane yeah I had to imagine for you physically as somebody who was always so active mm-hmm how that must have been really difficult yeah you know a god bless my girlfriend's they would they came over with food that they prepared for me or they'd come over to my house to cook Elisha Renee yeah my girlfriend Sarah destiny they just they really moved into action and became like moms to me this is really a grandma yes she is super old soul and just an amazing person an amazing friend but it was it was just it was so frustrating and I was so angry I was so angry and I was so sad and I was so I was mourning my life because my life as I knew it was over you know um I was mourning the person that I was because I wasn't her anymore I described it as being before the before me and the after me and I don't I'm starting to not recognize her anymore and I didn't think I really made sense I'm my DMS and email was flooded with people who had had traumatic brain injuries from car accidents or War veterans or whatever just basically saying I see you I hear you I understand everything that you're saying and giving me the most amount of advice as exactly how to try to heal myself and work through and what to expect so the support from total strangers was sometimes greater than people that I considered to be my closest friends and something died with you in the car accident oh absolutely absolutely and I had to I had a lot I had moments of reckoning you know they were like it was really it was a really dark time because I had to start to really analyze just myself you know Who am I what's my identity because it gets thrown into action or thrown into it's compromised when you have something like that happened to you you know you're like I'm am I defined by this one event in my life you know and so you just spend so much time searching searching in the darkness searching through a broken brain that this stuff is just not making sense like I remember trying to say the word exterminator and I couldn't my brain could not put it together I was like sir I was in a stuttering and I was humiliated me being like the communicate having the 70,000 word vocabulary I was like who am i if my brains not operating right you know what I mean because that's what I've come to rely on not not even my looks it's my brain this is what I need to function I tell people that all the time I'd be like Melyssa Ford is a super smart like was telling people you can never have a conversation with yeah all the time thank you um and so they've just I had to redefine who I was to myself you know and that was really hard and so in those moments that's when you start to discover that you're not that awesome and there's things that might have to change and there's a habits that might have to be broken so sometimes it's just it takes breaking something apart in order to put it back together and which what's really interesting is around the time of the accident mine and Jason's relationship was not at its best it was it was pretty fractured I didn't know if the podcast was gonna continue with me on it to be completely honest he's exhausting we can understand yeah yeah he is I love him but it was more than that it was a the show beat the SH oh got in front of us you know like the success of the show got in front of us and he got a little blindsided you know like tunnel vision right and um and then I have this habit of not speaking up for myself right I'm not confrontational and I didn't defend myself and I wouldn't speak up when I had issues with him so I let them fester until they got to almost a breaking point and so I didn't know if I was gonna be able to come back to the show just in terms of being able to fulfill the role that I played so many women listened to our show and they listened for my you know perspective on things right and so I did not want to cheat anybody out of what it is that they've come to love and expect from me so with Jason and I we had to repair our relationship before we could embark you know get back on the journey how difficult is something like that to do um being you know reflective and introspective and honest with yourself while you're dealing with a broken brain and stuff like that hard like really hard there was moments where I did not understand like why my depression was so intense to where I felt suicidal um and yeah a couple times yes no I scared myself scared me a couple I I friends knocking on the door 30 minutes after go check on Melissa right now they didn't leave me for three days they took shifts you know they wouldn't they were lying on my floor they would not leave my sight because they were terrified had every reason to be terrified because I was confronted with a monster I did not have the tools to fight off and so the onset of depression after a brain injury is very common because your dopamine and serotonin receptors which are your natural mood stabilizers they're compromised mine were practically like smashed so I could not figure out how to see past the day in front of me it just it tomorrow looked so bleak I could never have imagined that life would be like what it is right now the gifts that just keep rolling in like the blessings that just keep rolling and I could net I could not see this know if you're still breathing it's for a reason I didn't want to I didn't want to I wanted I wanted the pain to be over so the thought of committing suicide was really hard - like how am i how would I do it I thought about it I thought about how I would do it and that's the first time you've never felt like that until after the accident I mean I've suffered from depression I remember I remember how old I was the first time I felt depression 9 mmm it was really real like when we see you know these horrible stories of nine year olds and 10 year olds and 11 year olds who have committed suicide and we think it's ridiculous that kid is too young no no it's very real I remember being nine years old and and having feelings of depression related to bullying nine years old I went through a very awkward stage um there's no pictures to prove it so don't look for them but Toronto Oh God probably some God is not courts I got mistaken for a boy anymore but it was I just felt feelings of depression and isolation and I didn't know how to communicate I didn't know how to deal with the feelings I didn't know what they were now as an adult I know what they are um and so I've dealt with depression but I've dealt with it in my own way I give myself time to rest my brain maybe do a little um self-medicating marijuana marijuana's hey I'm a pothead okay here's what it is okay that's what it is but also a little bit of Medicaid you know self medication with maybe a little bit too much alcohol tequila no girl no no I'm a wino over here and an invite kadali vodka what their own I I've got I've definitely gone to therapy I had the greatest therapist when I lived out here therapy and therapists are the very dangerous territory because you if you end up with the wrong therapist and they're irresponsible and they're just trying to make a career patient out of you because they want to keep that money rolling in you're screwed you're screwed because you're already in a very vulnerable position I happen to have a really fantastic therapist in New York but I was scared to go and try and find a new one in in LA I didn't trust it I felt like trying to find a good therapist in LA is looking for a virgin in a whorehouse you know so I just had Skype calls with my therapist in in New York when I felt like things were getting really bad but um I just had to I just had to power through and I did so with my friends help I wouldn't have been able to do without them though what are the things you do now to handle I guess things that might trigger past trauma hmm what do I do well first of all you'd a really healthy brain healthy diet mm-hmm walnuts leafy greens you know wild-caught salmon things like that you know high in omega is good fats avocado MCT oil coconut did it it it's I do things like that when I left the hospital they gave me the good drugs oh they listen now I know why there's an opioid epidemic I totally understand no for cards did you yeah so that's the cotton so this is so morphine is a joke compared to fentanyl and then above that is dilaudid whew that stuff was good and I was terrified that I would leave the hospital with a bigger problem than what I came in with so I stopped taking like the pet pain medications after I heard the addiction kind of kicks in around like the 7 to 10 day mark if after consistent after they've been consistently administering it to you so I started having my friends bring me some CBD right tinctures edibles everything and CBD is different from THC doesn't make you high so I handled my pain relief with that and some Aleve but I just I refused to get addicted I refused the narcos I refused the I refused at all and so I just tried to take a holistic approach to my healing in terms of the foods that I ate in terms of the CBD oils tinctures everything that uh you know if I put them on my wounds sprays and anoint Minh sand whatnot acupuncture cupping hyperbaric oxygen therapy which is a woman whose husband was a vet and he suffered from brain trauma PTSD she advised me to go do that and it was these are the things that just worked for me and then talking to my therapist and having my friends close and I was a bear at times I was very difficult to deal with because I was I was just I was an exposed nerve but as a friend you have to understand that because you know what your friend just went through yeah and at times you know coupled with the the feelings of anger and remorse and confusion and sadness I also felt like a burden to my friends because they are not they're licensed therapists this is not their gig you know our friends come into our lives but I never want to you know and we have extra place expectations on them like they place on us but I felt like I was placing too much of a burden on my friends but these circumstances were so different than any other circumstances that's what friends are really there for when something in your life happens that's totally unexpected yes yeah that could have been your demise that's what they're there for to help put everything back together and they want to do it that's actually I'm supposed to prove your friend that's what I think Jason did tip for you a little bit kind of proved he was your friend what do you mean because that he was like you really step I mean I don't know how much he's dead seem like he's dead well this is what this our relationship like I said had been you know kind of fractured at that time and I gotta say what Jason did not know what to do with me he's very persistent so he kept trying to break through but I was in a movable force and I was a source of confusion for him at that time and he was like concerned about the show obviously you he has to be you know I don't I don't judge him for that because we built this thing and it was you know it was it was a it was a machine in itself it had it by this point we're already on YouTube we have hundreds of thousands maybe millions of fans worldwide so you know Melissa I love you are you coming back - like what's happening can I even have that conversation with you you know so he walked on eggshells and Jason does not like like to walk on eggshells so you know he he did not know how to support me so he did the best that he could you know and he's so used to being you know seeing me be super super super strong that to see me being to me to see me so vulnerable and so I don't want to use the word weak you aren't weak but do something like what friend does not understand it I just was not used to a lot of people were not used to seeing me in need I think fragile would be a better thank you fragile fragile is definitely the word I was very I was very fragile and I hated every second of it but I had to work through it because coming out the other end I thought I discovered how much of a source of inspiration I was to others and that made me feel really good you know I've the purpose of life is to contribute to other people's lives you know to be a contributing member of society um we all have a social contract with each other you know and I just realized I guess my purpose and I will say this you know everybody was just like god saved you for a reason you know you have a greater purpose last thing that you should say it somebody who's just gone through something like that from my perspective because that's a lot of pressure to put on somebody who is literally still like reeling from what happened you know um and so it made me feel like I don't know I had survivor's guilt for a long time like I don't know my purpose why did you bother saving me like I just felt like I was an accident and when and then I started going down the dark tunnel of thinking about you know just refugees in Syria and kids dying here and you know mass violence and stuff like that I'm just like why was I spared and these people weren't did you find answer to that question radio like when I realized the power of the power that the microphone holds and you don't really think about it you know when you're doing it right but then when I realized how many people were listening and cheering me on and ho and praying for my for my sake for my return and for my health um and for my happiness strangers and hundreds of thousands of them it made me realize what my what my purpose is my purpose is to continue to inspire people what so you guys repaired your relationship I've worked on it at that time yeah what was it like for you the first time coming back to the show after that it was it was really emotional because I missed it you know there'd be times where I'd watch something happening on the news and I'd be like oh my god I got so much to say about that cricket cricket chirp chirp ain't nobody around you know and I was just like it just it just felt so good knowing that we had built this thing this this tangible thing and there was people who's who were invested in it you know the people that listen to you guys every single day and they can't imagine their day without you know listening to you guys you guys helped them get through the monotony of their day or whatever it is and we do the same thing and I just I was wonderful it was wonderful coming back and it was wonderful sitting with my friend after having repaired our relationship in a way that we feel unbreakable now okay you know and I'm sure you approached it with a new sense of purpose yeah definitely I mean what is your purpose well I'll say this that I didn't feel grateful for having survived the entire time I was recovering which was almost a year um I I had moments still where I was really really angry um really really just remorse you know just mourning my old life and and everything and then I had a dream maybe just a couple of days before the social impact Awards where we awarded you guys and you won an award too I had no idea I truly had no idea they really kept that a secret for me I had no like inkling at all so I'm reading like so the resilience award is dead it added and as I'm reading I'm like wait a minute and I burst out into tears because I realized what they had just done you know but a couple of days but before that I'd had a dream that I was in a car accident and I died so and I remember thinking to myself I'm not ready like I'm not I'm not ready and like I woke up feeling so grateful that I was alive you know sorry fuck that make up Melly know it's a solid today yeah but I just woke up feeling so grateful that you know like that I'd lived you know and I felt guilty all over again fuck I'm a Scorpio we carry guilt around like a bag of bricks like voluntarily but um I just felt so grateful that like I got it I got another chance like life is it's just it's really fucked it's cliche to say but it's it's really precious and you're lucky and you have to do whatever you want with it like whatever it is that you desire follow your dreams it sounds so hokey but to see our little tiny show that we started with the promise of absolutely nothing get picked up by this massive massive monster called I heart the acknowledgement that we made an it made an impact in people's lives where they want to syndicate us nationwide it's such a full-circle moment and it's like the greatest gift I could have been given besides my life being spare I still feel like you have so much more to tell like I feel like this is one aspect of it but I've I've told you this before I even the old video vixen days yeah you can you can hold a lot of these young girls hands right now and walk them I try a lot of the bullshit they going through now I try but with you know youth comes arrogance and I get it I had it um you know but life has a way of humbling you like a mofo um our life was like a real-life reality show yeah back then yeah yeah it was no I had eyes the no I mean trust me the book is is starting it's it's almost completed you you know and there's there's just there's a lot to tell besides the car accident but that's the precipitator you know you're not being from the United States yeah you had issues with that at a point in time so I was as as illegal as a Mexican busboy are you legal now totally are you sure well I'm good no but I just the book is gonna be filled with a lot of stuff and it's gonna be very anecdotal you know with a lot of the stuff that I've learned along the way you know along this thing we call life yeah I think I've got some some things that I could like you know some advice that I could give the young uns I keep a nice roster of mentees around me they range from like 20 to like 33 and I just I'm surrogate mom or big sister or auntie and I keep them in check you know I did I'd like to help with the book by the way oh I will accept that I will accept that because I you know I I think I have a lot I think I have a lot to say that a lot of people would probably be a little surprised by one thing I am gonna talk more about was at the time that the accident happened I was madly in love with somebody and he never showed up no yeah fuck him well yeah you can you imagine yeah I didn't never hit showed up nothing really he never he never stepped up or showed up send me flowers yeah here's the thing is like you know when I went to him I was you know the glamazon I'd walk in to meet him in a in the hotel lobby or the you know the restaurants or whatever and it all eyes would be on me and you know I I could sashay you know and so I was I was as I was a source of pride for him and you know but it was superficial my synthetic love obviously you know trophies that was very much his trophy as doll and I mean the accident happened his doll was broken and he no longer want to play with that toy that's crazy have you reached out nada he's seen the dolls back together man never yes he has and he got silent he should you should never fuck with him oh no no no I I it doesn't it took I was dealing with a broken head broken heart all at the same time I didn't know which one was gonna kill me is that one of them was was fine it was it was I wouldn't wish what I went through on my worst enemy like the the darkest days where I thought you know where I was contemplating what method of suicide I was going to employ and just the the soro that I felt you know like just deep in the pit of my stomach eating me from the inside out was I don't know but you know what you cannot appreciate you know or have euphoric highs without those abysmal lows it's impossible life undulates like a roller coaster you can we don't get this even-keel stuff in order for us to celebrate our wins we have to have like suffered some incredible loss as chapters in a book exactly sometimes and things are going to great I'm like alright well my god I'm terrified okay oh shit I'm happy I think I get that a lot too yeah but there's some times you really got it you got to do the opposite step back and be like yeah yeah yeah it's it's hard to think to yourself I've earned this I deserve this I've worked really hard and I'm worthy and that's one thing that like you know I always want to stress to not just women but we need it a lot yes you know we do need it a lot but to everybody you know I I want everybody to just you know have a have a sense of worthiness and understand a strong concept of self self esteem self worth self confidence you just you have to know one can love you if you don't love yourself like god I like I said life becomes one big cliche the older that you can you know and yeah cliches do very simple if you realize as you get older life really is simple yeah very complicated yeah we really do and the result of the accident is I never really was the most sentimental person like I was never really very materialistic you know my things did not own me I could pick up and walk out of an apartment and never come back sell em sell everything on on Craigslist I don't care I got wings on my ass like this destination addiction so what I always say to people is if you get the opportunity to travel you need to do that for yourself please do you have got to see how other people live you have to absorb you know yourself in other people's culture I just I have an intolerant I've a no tolerance for intolerance you know so whenever I talk to people who are smaller minded or their horizons haven't been you know opened up I'm just like get honey gotta get a passport please good just and go somewhere you know for yourself you know I wrote once what you say of Fame feels like prison yeah it does yeah I have also said there's an ID rather be rich and anonymous than famous and broke because it's definitely been famous but sometimes Fame feels like a prison because you know your every move is watched especially now with social media you know we used to be able to do our dirt right right out in the open view you know bottles in the club and it's just like you know you're just you're judged by often times just one one particular chapter in your life you know that's why one of the chapters in my book is gonna be called be careful how you introduce yourself to the world Dada cuz they'll never let you forget it and so in that way I felt like you know Fame and notoriety and invisibility has been a prison because I've been defined by this one tiny little chapter in my life you know being yeah the video vixen stuff and there was just such a lack of understanding BT did a documentary called vixen they let me tell you something they messed up by not putting that on the actual channel I guess they wanted to draw attention to be et digital you know put it up on the website but that documentary was the best one that I've ever seen done in terms of how it covered you know the the era of music videos the one preceding the era I was in where was like many motion pictures when the budgets were super in Sleeper oh my god like they do a million dollar video Big Pimpin was it was a million dollars um Jadakiss knock yourself out was $650,000 lady I was I I was the highest-paid girl at the time so I was getting like five to ten thousand dollars a day yeah and you know the the years where Napster and piracy and all the doubt the illegal downloading of music and the record companies were hemorrhaging money and so the budgets were starting to go like from huge to like absolutely nothing that where they were like literally the you know my paycheck you know at that point I take in the exit ramp so it just it covered everything and then it covered stripper culture and how that changed the face of music videos at the same time that they were becoming really formulaic and then that book you know the book super head yeah that book so they interviewed her and here's what I'll say about her you know we've never met oh yeah we've never met and what I'll say about her is she gives a good interview okay I'll give her that like amazing she captivating but what pissed me off is the fact that it came to define all of us right and I was her experience that she had what she was going through in the business yeah and you weren't doing the things that she was on the opposite end of the spectrum she was saying a whole lot of yes and I was saying a whole lot of no I didn't have to do I didn't have to and did not want to do whatever it was that was you know happening in her life so that book coming to define all of us and I thought that it was just my cross to bear but when I watched the documentary and I saw see the body talking about it and Gloria Velez talking about it I realized that they all suffered yep queen row was it Lola Monroe yeah Lola Monroe about her she she's so beautiful she was signed the Wiz for a second right I think yes she was saying is she still signed to him I'm not sure that's the last thing I heard about act she she had a baby yeah yeah she married I believe um but she was talking to her husband he's been up here Oh oh my god you know rapper he was signed a bad boy I'm gonna tell you yeah cuz I feel bad I forgot he's a dope rapper yeah but she was they were all explaining how this book came to define all of us and I didn't know that they were suffering from you know like that intense scrutiny and judgment like I was I was at so much the forefront like the blueprint you know the the most recognizable one there I felt like it was just me that was it felt this was my burden but it burden it burdened all of us that book was just that was her experiences and it was frustrating they it came to define us so I can't believe you guys have never met can you believe it and she's always in our lace does she live in LA - I have no idea goes by the way that's her Oh Lowe's yeah yeah um I I guess she lives in LA I don't know we've never cross paths like we've never said we've been in the same rooms at the same time but we've never progr I haven't had her out Hollywood unlocks don't give Jason any ideas please hahaha oh yeah just did Wendy Williams before you wanted what's the dish mean IG models in video vixens and what advice would you give to the IG models of today yeah I don't even know that's the same equivalently though sure anybody can be an edgy Matt it's not like someone has to choose you yeah that's what I mean you can just post up a picture and now you're a histogram model yeah yeah pretty much I mean the difference was being chosen being casted um you know uh during music video days and like I mean when I say they screw knives who the leads were going to beat like this was and this was a process please got switched out sometimes sometimes they did if a certain somebody walked on set the girl might lose her job I'm so sorry I died that sounded so shit no he's young he hates everything old but he asked as he said who would be the Melyssa Ford of this air this era hmm okay get some choices help me out here we said Bernie's Burgos okay I I will go with that yeah yeah I definitely go with that we had her on the show as well um super beautiful but I mean yeah we're not that far and we're not that far off in age so that's why that's yeah so I'm trying to think I was thinking somebody younger you know but coming yeah but I would I would definitely say her she's super beautiful I'm trying to think of somebody else who might like does radio does uh you know you were right time we didn't know Melissa had all that at the offer she was always used to right though yeah yeah I mean people didn't know that like I was a columnist for smooth magazine that I actually wrote the cut as a matter of fact I wrote the column and they used to dumb it down because they were like Melissa they would eat this our readers are gonna understand what you're saying and I was just like let them rise to the challenge I understand by the way that was enough for young people to understand that beautiful women are being beautiful and being intelligent are not mutually exclusive concepts you know I know you could be both and there's plenty of us that exist you know beautiful and attractive women that are incredibly intelligent and you know whatever but so I did write and then I started hosting for B et and stars in black and ESPN and then acting came into the you know into the yeah I'm trying to think of who does all of that now I don't know and then and then radio and then I decided I wanted to come radio since so in 2007 I came to Sirius and that's where we met and so I've done I've been in so many different genres of the entertainment business but I'm constantly just judged for that like that one part of my own said along a good if it was so long ago the music the earlier part of you know it's so it's like it is what it is but in terms of like advice for the IG models just don't be this don't be a OneNote chick don't just be you know a bunch of curated photoshopped pictures you know I mean what are you gonna do when Instagram starts taking away our likes and our analytics and stuff like that let me tell you what I know I'm positive that Instagram is doing I'm positive that they're trying to figure out how to make the app have to make the app make money basically face back Facebook and Instagram have really generated no money what they're gonna do is they're gonna create a pro version so you could have regular Instagram but your analytics are gonna be taken away from you but if you want to be able to show your likes in order to prove to you know companies to first sponsorship and advertising and brand ambassador ships you're gonna have to pay like $5 $10 and there by the way she's not saying this is happening it's a very they know it's my theory but I see it coming I'm positive I this is what I say I marry minted with all different kinds of things now yeah you're already saying we're gonna take away likes we're testing this out and the randon even how you see the feed on Instagram sometimes things that are up from like two days ago would be the first thing I'm like why is this yeah the first thing on my page yeah and the reason that they gave that they want to take likes away like we're concerned about people's you know what is it like so have a little health about you know like self-esteem of the legs they're full of shit that ain't the reason that they're doing it no way big businesses don't care about you know true humanity how capitalism works how capitalism works they're trying to make a profit so like whatever you write out okay so what do you think that they're gonna like just what can we spoon feed them oh yeah boom okay cool great marketing ploy but it's bullshit it's not true so I'm convinced that they're all gonna offer a pro version that we that they're gonna charge us for in order to you know that analytic information to provide to people like Samsung BMW whoever it is that's you know sponsoring your page making money on advertising you have those paid ads you can do and you can also pay to boost yeah something yeah so they've had so they've had to figure out ways in order to generate income because these are free sites like these are free social media sites we don't pay for them so they were like we got to change this model you know the that's just the Isle SC now if she predicted it we're gonna save this part oh yeah listen when is the condition I'd be predicting stuff what's your last a prediction I'll tell you the first one okay I'll tell you the first first one that I had that was captured on TV it was Superbowl 2006 it was Seattle playing Pittsburgh at Bigfoot buffin you know you're still Dallas Cowboys absolutely okay I'll change okay all right I know like I'm a Giants fan that don't change I don't you don't jump off the bandwagon cuz your team you know isn't performing well it's terrible okay um so anyways I was interviewing scoop Jackson and Stuart Scott rest in peace God he was such an amazing man and we were on Ford Field in Detroit and I was interviewing them I said to Stuart I said any Super Bowl predictions and he was like like what do you mean like score I said yeah Pittsburgh's gonna take it 2110 that year Pittsburgh one-twenty one-ten yeah yeah that was my did they give you a ring no I get shit and no I didn't bet on the game like a dumbass yeah somebody saw that and was like I'm betting on this I'm literally watching the game I was like these Negroes are gonna win 21:10 too late to place a bet somebody where's Floyd psychic friend Melissa for you thank you so much for coming through thank you thank you guys I did I I love you guys so much and I'll and I love the I I'm I love being part of the I heart family we're really excited about that so our show is nationwide it's on weekends Yeah right we're back together again I love it I know I just machine gun Melly Melissa for breakfast club [Music]