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My Cat and I Fooled the World

Instagram is a place where a lot of people create glorified illusions of their lives for the internet and instead of actually enjoying them this makes most normal people feel massively inferior as they don't have time to shoot three hundred and six angles of the Wednesday evening and pay someone to photoshop out their spots and huge is I basically gain no followers between 2017 and now and have the happiest years of my life in that time which if I've learned anything by now was totally counterproductive this week I'm gonna pay professional video and image editors to make my life more interesting over five posts on Instagram to demonstrate how you shouldn't believe everything you see on the Internet a truly sickening reality has promptly dawn on all of you and as your midway through clean with this white button on every account you own let me just shake [Music] yeah most people would just assume it was fake what's it made global news I didn't have the heart to break it to the world I've been trying to get this video out as soon as possible and a lot of networks and news companies sort of contacted me to ask me if they could share the content and I told every one of them like yes of course but it is fake at that point I felt like it was kind of on them it cuts the point where I actually considered scrapping this video entirely and allowing the world to continue life blissfully believing my cat was the second coming of Gordon banks that was my fourth insta post our five and I'll get on to the story of that a little later on but let's start with my first post of the week so I wanted at least one of these to be a video and I was thinking I could do a bubble trickshot you know you see Marco Royce or Messi or whoever you know the bottle flip that I've been way more fun to do a trick shot gone wrong what I think I'm gonna do is purse a mini goal on top of one of our cars and I look like I'm about to hit a sweet top pins and you know followings are very used to that sort of thing they're just absolutely hammer it through one of the windows what I've done so that's where Shands cars gonna be in the video I now and put a weave in there and put a bit Hey in from the windows basically I need to hit it underneath that bit of tape when Rooney's street strike are still living strong after all these years I'll take a little shot of the costs out there without the wheelie bin again and with some special effects should be able to mask them together we're known for users this is quite impressive trick shot in itself [Music] swear I've absolutely smashed that and then just needed some stationary shots of the Carter mask in everything I need I'm just gonna stop the camera and check because there's always something forgot to put the goal on the car okay and now I'm just gonna get in the car I like walking it back to give a little bit of momentum for like when the ball go through our window is like insane I'm so tired of hearing that youtubers have no talent to prove my girlfriend wrong he's a sweet little volley into the goal on top of her car the guy who's done this for me incredible job I'll leave the links in the description we've even managed to incorporate the see how the car likes shakes how did you spend your first day afternoon in lockdown anyway I think that's pretty much there so I'm gonna upload that as my post for today and we'll see how it does there's no locations of swastikas that's a real shame squish so good and I'm just trying to think of the caption joking that right ready first post yeah I think this could be our best one I think we peaked with it already so I'm hoping we have had a comment that says the car window was Hughes II go yourself the viewers have just absolutely laughing it off my girlfriend's mom commented and I had to phone her and tell her that we hadn't actually smashed her daughter's window tennis purpose be very quiet this was it's actually gave me like a thousand followers which is unheard of in the last gift so it's a few days later now and I thought I'd update you on the how the video of the car window smack went quite well so I wasn't even like gonna upload it to Twitter but then I ended up doing that and it is often pretty much a mill views four and a half K retweets but that's that's probably my biggest engaging tweet for at least a year one of these I want a nice little summer shot of that let me look into the sky so I'm just gonna light a barbecue here the plan was to be looking up at clear blue skies in 2020 and half the Death Star and a middle finger looking back at me [Applause] like your honesty there are a couple of nice options for the cloud middle finger and the Death Star I think it's gonna be this one because it's just it's picturesque we've smashed it there after sending this one over twelve Photoshop Wizards we had a middle finger in the sky and they a Death Star looking behind the clouds so I thought that was pretty good I thought we'd we'd done that fairly well would I go with I wonder 2020 summer skies could have been better that one in the end got ninety eight thousand likes I think that's a bit of a stinker on that front a good idea but didn't bang on my own stuff so as this is Instagram obviously I need at least one photo of me topless I'm more than prepared to do that for the video in fact I thought of this part before I thought of the actual video but a normal topless photo on you know a lot it's been done before and Instagram it's it's just gonna get lost in the torrent of shameless self-absorbed influences on there I thought what could be more alpha than bench-pressing your girlfriend which I can't do for the record but with a bit of Photoshop but I didn't ask Ollie to come filming me today third-degree burns before the intro sort of taking a couple of photos of bent is not really gonna work I think I'm gonna go for a scores instead I think there's one camera imagine having a real job I mean in a short of Shannon with two points of contact holding or up so it seemed like the best idea in time do not we finally got some good shots of shaphan in the right position what did it cost so it'll look something like that I haven't quite decided if the cats on top is gonna work now this one I knew was gonna be really difficult so for this one I went up onto a cycle of work and trying to find some like genuine Photoshop master this is what we had to start off with now I oh yeah I like I said it wasn't sure about what to do smart I was gonna put smart on the top as well it doesn't really work so this is what I got back after spending my money what they've done they have made by basically said could you just make the bloke look better how do you explain this concept someone online so I was just like I'll just pretend I'm someone else the nipple has grown a lot so I think that's hers the the main thing you notice but but yet kind of smashed making winking muscles look better and stuff the reason I'm doing this is to show you the type of process that some celebrities and influencers definitely go through every time they upload a photo and how unrealistic the photos they do upload are as a depiction of their bodies or mine I'm not saying everyone photoshop's their photos but everyone edits their photos to some degree whether it's lighting textures make something look better taking 300 photos proposed so you can select the one that makes you look most unlike your actual self as possible is almost just as bad as Photoshop my point is I know a lot of people struggle with the standards this whole mentality and process sets the standards of society of like the ideal body have got way higher in the last like maybe last decade going back to my body transformation like it was fun but also I don't want to live like that it's important to remember that like if you've got a bit of bat or you know like you can't see your house that's that healthy and a normal physical form for our species I've can said that exercise is really important these days I do as much fun and mental health side of it the benefits of reducing anxiety and depression as much for the physical side of it anyway home videos are doing again hadn't quite got that arm right like the hand that I don't think we define got the right photos if I decided to have a little tweak of it and yeah got it looking like and much much better like that looks very realistic that is what I posted on Instagram and that one did very well people didn't really seem to tweak this Photoshop they're gonna be massively disappointed when I actually put a photo of myself topless up on lynnster or Photoshop this lad just doesn't know is it alpha male yes get in and is all I wanted from this video followers are recognizing me for who I truly am that's a definite w on that one finally we move on to the most anticipated section of the video now I came up with this idea with a production team behind me of some bloke on the internet so I do just want to reiterate that I expected it to come across fairly fake but I thought it would be funny to see my cat own you know flying across the goal and tipping absolute funding it's from me over the bar now last time I introduced my viewers to the piece that shares our household it went down pretty well very so I thought why not turn my Instagram into a funny cat Facebook page today with a bit of editing I'm gonna make him look like David the hair two years ago 99 reflexes 99 agility cat chemistry style of why doesn't care back to the drawing board so I plan there was to get him jumping a balls in the air and then I could mask me kicking them at him later over it anyway I realized I just needed shots of him jumping through the air alright have a new idea involves this Julius looking pink flamingo you might start to recognize some of these after I saw how good some of the clips look to him jumping that I knew I could get something out of this so I selected 11 saves that looked really good and then taped a coaster to my tripod and put it in exactly the point where he had made the save on camera better just rested on my footballer ability to hit the coaster for each clip so naturally I was off into luckily I realized after a while that I didn't actually have to hit the close 3i - needed to get it close enough there was one clip we had where he did like two jumps in quick succession so I thought the first one it would work like so well if I managed to time it right so do the first one it is like a feint and then the second one as the actual save like as if I faked shot it it just worked likes far better than I could have possibly ever dreamed to make it look really good though like the ball I made sure started in the area where he was looking for each clip because there are a few Clips where he was looking off to the side or like looking up so I switched in a couple to headers as well and then all there was to do was to get the rebounds recorded so I threw it at the coast or a couple of times and I just dropped off the broth like balancing stuff I did this - well I'm very sorry I'm just gonna let you watch the final products that I've put goalkeeper commentary over is in this is the best thing I've ever made not let alone for this video I think ever since getting a cat I've learnt they will do anything in their power to make your day worse observe [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] beginnings that is quite the most remarkable piece of goalkeeping I have ever seen [Applause] the save on the halfway line ice cloth is absolutely class smudge has just smashed out the part I'll be trying to think of funny cat goalkeeper puns for a while but I think meow well Noah is kind of the best I've got I'll just go with Chris Dixon's catch duct yeah well you see the quick fix and Pat they've probably got those people right other thing magnificent mommy's our unbeatable know when he's not even under goal he's just wandering around and he gonna hear it he's back to these still saves the guy that genuinely makes me want to get a cat if I do guarantee that a cat would do that I would do that all day you don't I'm sorry Chiefs if you are one of the few people who didn't have this force down your throat on the internet this week let me catch you up on how this did currently it is on 84 thousand retweets on my Twitter that was 11.6 million I was hoping for this to you know like this has the potential to get like 5 to 10 K retweets like with half people about expecting it to be fake but it expect it to hits the mainstream media there were so many better puns than me out well people really shamed me Bayern Munich paid someone to edits a comparison whose wages I will happily cover if you'd like to get in contact chaps between my cat and one of the greatest goalkeepers ever let's just head on over to Facebook now oh my so like I said when networks and stuff asked me to use a clip I told them yes but it is fake I think I told it actually everyone from the Daily Mail because we had a bit of a mix-up with responding emails 41 million views 41 Millions weirdly it didn't do very well on it stuff they only got 300 48k like that I saw I got Tony sidetracked actual point of this video the amount of messages I got from people saying that it was on like good news in that country like I think we heard so France and New Zealand Netherlands in obviously UK us it was on Good Morning America apparently from my choice Eric got 11.5 but from everything in total it was probably something like 200 mil which is insane the power of cat Facebook is truly unrivaled oh yeah I did get asked to go on BBC news to talk about it politely declined that I didn't think Lowe JK lads it was fake would go done brilliantly live on BBC news I think that's the only thing of mine that has ever gone viral so once much putting a roof over our head so finally after the car window video did so well I can't stress this enough I really enjoy inflicting damage to Fiat 500s I decided to do a second one this time the idea was Shanna's jeffina the garage are getting the window and I am doing the trick [Music] she nailed looking at me with disappointment in her eyes a little too well so I then did exactly the same thing what we've been set up again and nailed it madness once again so this is what we've ended up with not the most realistic clip I've made in all of these but it works attempt to at this trick shot the girlfriend's car has been replaced by a wheelie bin still what the goal on the top because she is currently at the garage getting a new window and maybe a new partner I've put the goal a bit further away to prove myself as well after last time hey guys just get a better car it just has to be Republic of Czechoslovakia for the location of this one so once again for this one I put it on Instagram and Twitter what instar it okay probably similar views the first one first of all for 400 yeah this one's a belly some hearts still a solid performance got me a sneaky a thousand followers which is good again any my posts and once again I put on Twitter as well 600 K view so didn't do quite as well as the first but still like yo 3.3 K retweets it worth of post you know I think this this went better than I was expecting really which is great in conclusion through demonstrating how easy it is to fake stuff online these posts did very well for me and I can now see how to grow on the internet and you can probably never trust anything I post ever again see you next week for a pack opening it's actually really important to me that you know I will never fake a pack opening well so if you'd like to see smudged more than me than Shannon also uploads videos with him and also thank you to her for understanding my need for letting me abuse her car on the Internet [Music]

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