Stop Your Divorce Save Your Marriage

I don't think there are any worse words than to hear the cold hard words I don't love you anymore hello I'm dr. David Hawkins and I'm a licensed clinical psychologist I'm the director of the marriage recovery Center and I am glad that I can tell you that even when someone says to you I don't love you anymore I'm ready for a divorce I think divorce is preventable some people are going to think I'm crazy and you may think I'm giving you false hope and yet I think divorce is preventable now I want to tell you some things that you must do and some things that you must not do if you're going to do everything in your power to prevent the divorce now I want to add something of course of course two people can make a marriage and one can make a divorce one can walk out and consign papers and can walk away but even even though that is true there is much you can do to save your marriage that's what this video is about saving your marriage stopping the divorce so when you hear the cold words the hard words the harsh words and you are filled with utter panic and you're tempted to either give up and say there's nothing you could do which is not true or you go to the other extreme you become frantic you send flowers you send cards you beg you plead you grovel that's also mistake so you've got to gather some people around you who will support you love you care for you and help you run this marathon and it is a marathon it's not a sprint it's a marathon so I don't want you to give up and I don't want you to grovel and what I want you to do let me give you several things I want you to do I want you to take a fearless relationship inventory that means I want you to write out what have you been like to live with the good the bad and the ugly and boy oh boy be critical with yourself you will do yourself no favors by cutting corners or by being too easy on yourself you've got to look at what did you do to contribute to this person your mate walking away what did you do what have they told you is the reason for their leaving they've given you hints they've told you some things maybe this caught you off guard maybe it didn't catch you off guard but I want you to write out a fearless relationship inventory what have I been like to live with the good the bad and the ugly and then look at that and then get the best possible help that you can get find a psychologist a therapist a marriage counselor who will roll up their sleeves and they will fight for you they will help you look at what is it how have you contributed to this relationship going south you need the best possible help that you can get so you take this fearless relationship intimate Orion you look at it critically and then you also consider what can you do that can meet the unmet needs of your mate they've got needs that they're that they're trying to meet outside the relationship they're acting out they're leaving the marriage because they are feeling desperate what can you do that can just begin step by step by step to give a new message to create a new relationship and yes you can do that you can do what I call corrective emotional experiences what a corrective emotional experiences they are those experiences you want your mate to experience you in a new way again and again and again and again and guess what if you do you're fearless relationship inventory and you correct those issues within yourself and you identify those issues in the relationship that have pushed that person away and you do your part to heal those things then they're going to experience you differently and guess what some of that resentment that is clogging up the works it's creating a break in the bridge between you and your mate they're gonna be healed and they're gonna find their way back to you again I love to share this quote with you the bridge between hopelessness and hope is not as long as you think it seems long it seems hopeless at this point but it is not your mate in all likelihood can be won back but you've got to do your part and do it again and again and again and lastly I want to tell you to enlist support don't don't go through this alone get support for yourself get support for your church find out who will stand in the gap with you and who will pray with you and love you and care for you and who will talk to your mate not in a coercive way we don't want to manipulate your mate but we do want people who will speak into their lives and remind them that there's still a lot that is good that is left in the relationship and divorce is not the answer divorce isn't the answer the answer is to get rid of the problems in the relationship that led to them feeling hopeless and you do that you fix the things inside of you you clean your side of the street and you gather support and then you run the long race and then gradually ever so gradually you begin to piece a relationship back together again you have these corrective emotional experiences maybe it's because you have children together maybe it's because you have other common activities together but they see you in a new light and in one day they say ah you know what maybe there's a chance I've seen so many marriages changed and saved so again I'm dr. David Hawkins and I've just given you some things to think about stop that divorce save your marriage you can do it and if you want to contact me you can call the marriage recovery center at 206 three four eight five two four seven 206 three four eight five two four seven and we're happy to talk to you we're happy to help you save your marriage okay god bless