TMMTO Comfort

this is John August you are watching a show with a Frank I've seen say Frank bleed he has red blood like humans mmm moody Mondays desi KITT a rights question for you say I love my teddy bear I'm an adult and cannot understand the concept of age-appropriate and the Bears lack of being appropriate for mine I like it it helps me and hurts no one why do people care so much what an interesting comment my my there's sort of two parts to it one about teddy bears and comfort and the other one about people being dicks I'm not sure I can answer either one but I can tell you what it makes me think of in 1951 this guy named Donald Winnicott coined the term transitional object also referred to as the comfort object and it was meant to address the role that some objects play in a child's development basically the theory is this that when we're really really little we don't have a concept of the outside world or even our mothers being separate from ourselves you get hungry you squirm around a little bit in this boob appears and you sort of feel like you conjured up this boob just by being hungry you're like this little omnipotent God conjuring up boobs blankets or caress anything you need and then there's this really shitty day where you realize that there is an external world and that your mom is separate from you and they you aren't in control and that the world can fail you this is the first time in your life that you get to contemplate your own annihilation yay heavy for a toddler this is where Winnicott says that a transitional object can be useful he calls it your first not me possession it's kind of half in the real world in half in your mind half three inch square of smelly blanket and half wonderful smother love magic and it gives you comfort as you begin to learn about things like objects and separateness and Trust but this makes me think of comfort and how important it is and how we search for it I don't have a teddy bear but I've looked for comfort in all sorts of things outside of myself booze cigarettes shitty food dangerous experiences and by comparison that teddy bear looks like a pretty damn good option and that makes me think of trying to find comfort inside of myself whatever the that means because when I try it it kind of sucks if I slow down and close my eyes I wind up feeling like a tiny little head sitting on top of a giant balloon all empty air except this little marble of anxiety that somehow got inside and is rolling around at the bottom of my stomach but I did notice that even with that my arms and legs still felt solid so I tried and this is weird I tried to imagine myself as my legs looking up at me sitting there with my eyes closed and my legs looked up at me and they said dude you're not an empty balloon you're all solid filled with blood and guts and fat and muscle if there's any emptiness there it's all in your head and you know what for a second that balloon disappeared weird so how do you find comfort the second part of your questions a whole different matter rephrase to why do some people who can't find comfort or enjoyment in something fairly benign a song a book a video a teddy bear have a tendency to want to take that comfort away from the people that do experience it hell I've been there before wanting to call somebody an idiot for enjoying something that I don't enjoy but what does that make me a giant minus sign maybe because it's a club I don't belong to or maybe because I want everyone to join my club where I know all the ins and outs and all the finer details of taste or maybe because there's a difference between liking something because you want to be liked and liking something just to feel what it's like to like I don't know what do you think on this moody Monday and now it's time for Stefan makes a solution with Stefan Bucher Steve writes my wife and I are contemplating well more than that or the contract to move from our 3,000 square foot place to a 1,450 square foot place we have to make some radical decisions on downsizing furniture clothing everything got it the problem is you got to picture your life without certain things in it that's difficult to do so I made you the first of what should be many masks that let you picture your life without certain chairs certain bookcases certain clothes problem solved I think so go to a show Dave Frank calm to add your problem