The Most Offensive Encore Jimmy Carr Laughing and Joking


Jimmy Carr


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okay it's the week of the tsunami remember the tsunami all I wanted to say was the tsunami was terrible Tokyo was covered in raw fish and seaweed a situation the mayor described as delicious good be merciful said two richest I didn't because that would have been raised eel aces I had a similar thing with hurricane sandy remember hurricane sandy that devastated the eastern seaboard of America all I wanted to say was it was the worst thing to hit New York since those two planes possibly they got it right on that one problem with the papers for a joke once a year obviously last year I went rogue I tend to get trouble for a joke with a journalist once a year last year the joke that got me into trouble with the journalists was was this one you probably remember it from the last show why they called Sunshine variety coaches we'll all the kids on board look the same right he's doing a lot of the heavy lifting in that joke right it's not that bad the journalists in question said you can't say that about [ __ ] children time out cuz variety the children's charity they do great work they do a last up with mentally disadvantaged children but they also do a lot of stuff with physically disadvantaged children and socially disadvantaged children you can't lump all those kids together a go bunch of [ __ ] kids you can't call anyone [ __ ] kids you're a journalist you should know better and also being offended on behalf of someone else in my mind is the true [ __ ] all that's just you taking the high moral ground for you to be offended I think minimum you have to be the one that's offended so if you're genuinely offended by that last joke you're [ __ ] [Applause] while we're talking about charitable stuff as you leave this evening there's going to be a bucket collection there's people with buckets and tins and I'll just briefly tell you what it's about we're collecting money this evening for abused children and if we raise between us just 500 pounds we can buy their silence that's clearly a joke right the reason I say that's clearly a joke is because I did a gig in Croydon a couple of months ago and a woman genuinely came up to me after the show and went where are those collection tents just on pick that for a second so now only did she not realize that was a joke she wanted to help is anyone totally unoffending by anything I've said you told me on offended by anything what what's your lynnster handy it's not news your name you don't hear that every day I imagine you do it you [ __ ] name what you do hand me you're shooting what are you studying economics whereabouts Royal Holloway well maybe if it worked a little bit harder for your a-levels just say it Royal Holloway is not I mean come on there are universities that have always been universities they were universities that used to be polytechnics that then became universities and then there's Royal Holloway which I think used to be a 24-hour Garage [ __ ] weren't with it got love yeah right let me try an Avenger all right when I was at school mate in mind got caught wanking in the showers nothing well it ruined the school trip to Auschwitz it's not gonna get any more offenses than that dude to talk about the worst thing that has ever happened I can tell you're more offensive joke than that but I can't tell you a story about me that will change your mind about me and then change it right back George on hear it well it concerns it's it's basically telling you about what it's like being famous what it's like is people ask you to do things and it's nice to say yes cuz normally it's fun stuff you want to be on top gear yes I do you want to do it you believe yes I do you want to come and visit a hospice it's palliative care for teenagers yes I do I got that call about six years ago I said yeah I'll go I didn't know what some of those words men sounds alright teenagers I imagine that would be fun now it transpires palliative translates to dying and I found myself in a situation where went well I've got a girl said I'll go and thinking this is gonna be [ __ ] this is gonna be [ __ ] [ __ ] if I said oh go so go so I went there with very low expectations I thought I'm gonna I'll be lucky to get through this without tearing up I went there was genuinely I'm gonna come believe what a [ __ ] [ __ ] I am because it was genuinely inspirational it was brilliant to go if you get a chance to visit a hospice go to a hospice they're amazing cuz I don't know what inspires you but I like the idea of carpe diem living in the moment now being where happiness is and if you meet life limited teenagers they're having that because they're aware of how precious time is and I think we often forget in our day-to-day lives so it was amazing to go and to be around to be back many times since and I'd recommend it as the thing to do it's really fun they don't worry shut away there will no apart society the thing that blew me away when I went there was an incident so if I go out to get coffee before the show I go to Starbucks obviously my coffee shop of choice [Music] but if I go out to get coffee before the show right there's a group of fifteen-year-old girls in the coffee shop they'll be really flirty with me not because I'm some super attractive dude but because I'm a celebrity and there's a cachet to celebrity in our society for better for worse there just is it's a fact so I'm used to that kind of flirting in that context I wasn't expecting it within the context of palliative care for teenagers in the hospice there's a girl in there she just turned 15 pretty little thing and she's a massive comedy fan and she had all the DVDs seen everything on YouTube like really into her and she was really flirty and really tactile and I thought what all she wanted was a kiss and I thought well where's the harm she's gonna be dead before she can testify I can see you think that's bad I can make that worse which is two words it's true story is a true story just happens to be about a different Jimmy [Applause] thank you so much for coming out as we say five [Applause] people with Tourette's what makes him tick that was originally about suicide bombers I've toned it down for you