WHY YOU NEED TO SAY NO Oprah Winfrey Motivation Power of intention

[Music] [Applause] [Music] if i had only one wise offering for you it would be this one the third law of motion and all the laws of the universe actually are in my mind divine laws and my favorite is the third law which says for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction there are lots of different religions and philosophies that call this other things in this country sometimes we call it the golden rule what i know for sure is it doesn't matter what you do unto others it's already done unto you so anybody who's seen the movie the color purple there's a line in there when miss sealy leaves and she says to mr everything you done to me and she holds the two fingers already done to you that's the third law of motion newton didn't know that celie was going to articulate it that way but everything you've done to me already done to you so that is the tenet that rules my entire life and before the third law of motion which says there's every every action there's an equal and opposite reaction before there's even the thought or the action there is the intention for the thought and if there is one force field that rules and dominates the meaning of life for me it is living my life with us with a pure sense of intention now this came to me because i used to be one of those people who had the disease to please i said yes many times when i knew i should have been saying no and then i would be mad at myself for saying yes anybody ever done that you say yes then you mad when they come back again because when you say yes when you really mean no people follow the intention of the yes because why do you say yes you say yes because you don't want the person to be upset with you they're not you don't want the person to be angry you want the person to think you're nice they do and that is why they keep coming back i couldn't understand it i just gave you some money and now you are back oh that's because i didn't really state the truth and so now you think me giving you the money meant i wanted to give you the money and that's why you're back asking me for some more so i tested this principle of intention when i first came to discover it in gary zukhoff's book seat of the soul uh i'm saying i want to see if that intention thing will work for this disease to please because people are always bothering me so this is what i learned through intention nothing is showing up in your life that you didn't order there if it's there it's there because you needed to see it so uh i have a big life and things show up for me in big ways so one day stevie wonder calls me i'm not name dropping it's true he'd call me no brag just fact it was stevie and he even called to say he loved me that he was calling he was calling because he wanted something but that's okay um and i at the time this was early on you know because when i first started making money and it was you know my salary or my earnings were published all over the place i mean the first year i was like really did i make that much money oh my god um it was very difficult for me to figure out where my boundaries were because i'd grown up poor and didn't have anything so it's easy when you don't have anything and people ask you for money and they say i need 500 i don't have it because i'm just trying to get my rent paid it's harder when your multi-billion dollar salary is now in the paper and you get a lot of friends and cousins you didn't have before [Music] so how do you set boundaries for yourself i was having trouble setting boundaries myself for myself for even strangers people would just show up at my door in chicago and say oh bro i left my husband please help me and i would because she knows i haven't so don't try that now though okay don't try that now i figured it out so what i learned was is that oh the reason why people keep showing up is because my intention is to make them think that i'm such a nice person that you can ask me for anything you can get me to do anything i'm gonna say yes i'm gonna say yes so when stevie called me this time i thought i'd try out my first no on stevie let's start big he wanted me to donate some money to a charity and i didn't want to donate to the charity because i have my own charities and i care about a lot of people but the the problem is when you you have money everybody thinks you just want to give to everything so every letter i ever get starts with we know you love the children yes i do love the children but somebody else is gonna have to help the children so i said to stevie uh i said to stevie no and um as a person who has that disease to please i was waiting for him then just to say i will never speak to you again i will never call you i will never sing a thong for you and he didn't he just said okay okay okay it's okay he said okay check you later and what i learned from that is many times you will have angst and worry about things and put yourself in a state like someone said this morning because their phone went off they were mortified over a phone i said really um you will put yourself in a state when the other person really isn't even thinking about you so learning that i could specifically determine for myself what the boundaries were for me what i wanted to do give my money give my time give of my service to who i wanted to give it to when i did that i get to make that decision and just because you get 100 requests a week doesn't mean you have to try to fulfill all of that just because you have all of these demands on your time and on you doesn't mean that you have to say yes you get to decide because you're the master of your fate the captain of your soul as william ernest henley said in invictus and understanding that really changed the meaning of my life in that i was not no longer driven by what other people wanted me to do