You are never too old to dream Iza MoczarnaPasiek TEDxWroclaw

[Music] it was a very good it was a very you dear when I was 44 [Music] [Music] please welcome either more tart nappa shake I am a magician well you might be looking at me at the moment thinking hmm is that really very much that this middle-aged woman shares with say David Copperfield and he perfectly rides the rusyns there are a lot of things that differ us sex and gender first stars well and those would be the key factors in the way we perform our magic I'm not in the possession of their beautiful radiant dazzling smile that David Copperfield has that I believe opens a lot of doors David has a team a team of hundreds of people that work for him to make his shows look the way they do I don't I work on my own I sometimes invite people to join me but I'm a lonely wolf or a she-wolf as I should have said I keep forgetting about that she-wolf niceness that that that actually being a wall of hairs and what about David well our salaries differ as you can imagine but that's just slightly anyway we have one thing that we share with David Copperfield we both work with reality so reality is their substance that we dig our hands into and that we feel enormous joy to play with but we have different approaches you see David performs tricks he performs illusions of seemingly impossible supernatural feats using natural means so what he basically does he wants you to believe that a certain reality that you see is true whereas it is not he basically cheats I do not cheat I change the reality I take different bits and pieces of my own reality and then that is of course a part of our own common shared reality and then I play with them I squeezed them I touch them I composed them and then I de composed them and while doing that I love and I cry I jump and I go money depressive and then I collapse and then stand up again because you see what I do is I undergo the creative process because my magic is art and I am an artist and the reality that I want to talk to you about my reality that I want to talk to you about is the reality of 2014 and there was an extremely painful reality for me not inviting whatsoever my father was on his deathbed he had been sick for a long time and we knew that those which is the last moments that we had with him before he would make that transition and because my father was dying my mother was going absolutely fundamental she was going right-wing she became extremely religious and as you know it was not possible to make any reasonable conversation with her well my husband at that time was going through a midlife crisis and the only thing I could do at that time was to pray for him not to spend our lifetime savings on a new Porsche or on the same set of sex industry workers twice younger than himself well my daughter my daughter being a daughter of a fighting feminist obliges you to make your own personal very grounded independent decisions and this is what she did at the age of nine she decided that the ideal of femininity that she would strive for was Barbie and as for myself for the first time in my life I realized that I was growing old my period started to play tricks so I went to the doctors and he said to me well I've disagreement you and I said huh this is why I came here what I came here for and well you're not getting any younger and I said well yeah you're actually growing older and I said well yeah because you see what you have is what we call pre menopausal syndrome and I was like what well I am only 44 menopausal but he says you know it can last five it can last 10 sometimes 15 years but this is what it is it's a pre menopausal syndrome and I was like oh my god what does it mean to be old I don't really know what it means to be an old woman what is it I had nobody to talk to I had nobody to turn to my mother was in her previous state of being and I had no grannies both of them gone I had no women to talk to because you see when you're a woman there are two transition moments in your life the first one is when you get your period and when you become a woman from a girl you turn into a woman and then the other one is when you stop having it and from a woman you turn into a granny well an old woman I don't know I didn't what kind of a think about your grandmother's think about old women think about your granny's grandmother's like who are they do you see them as women are they women to you women with the own femininity with the own incredible complexity with their own creativity sensuality and their I say sexuality or other some sort of entities being left in limbo neither here not there I didn't know and with all those fears and doubts and everything in my mind I was really in a state of panic and in the middle of the all that an invitation came an invitation from a Baltic gallery of Contemporary Art to come and to do a project with some women from a local community and when I think of it now like I think of it as the best thing that I have ever done in my life so I didn't think twice I said goodbye to my father and I promised to come and visit him as often as I could I say goodbye to my husband and I left him to all this new spectrum of experience that he was just having I took my daughter and a stash of Barbie dolls and two suitcases and off I went and I don't know if you remember that scene from the movie chocolate and there is this Juliette Binoche she's going against the sly Norden wind so that small place a small village in France very conservative very set in its ways and and she changes the place she changes the place totally upside down she causes a total mayhem there and well I am I'm not David Copperfield I am not Juliet be not either and I didn't change the place that I went to but the place changed me and this is to you Robert be a drama to know where you are this is to you so I was invited to Ostia a small tiny place northern part of Poland 16,000 people off-peak 13% of unemployment rate just small school children or old people know young people they're gone they're gone to find some better future they go on to find some sort of unemployment let's hope Robert Bearden changes that so that place and the church the church tower the church tower as the highest point of reference both in physical as well as metaphorical sense as you can imagine in a place like that so what I wanted to do there I wanted to meet people and I wanted to meet women and I wanted to meet all the women so I started to to knock from door to door telling women inviting women to come with me and to look at femininity to look and to tell me to exchange to do certain things together and to be together in that space of heart that I believe women can create together and I would like you to meet my friends my mother's my grandmother's my sisters and my absolute best core project workers well this is sasha was the oldest in our group 76 years old a wife of an ex wife of a general who never withdrew from using physical violence at home sometimes went drunk for about three weeks in a row coming totally back home to his wife and young children and when she stood up to him finally and she looked straight ahead up into his eyes and she said I'm going to divorce you he said you you never revolt enough it's just a woman well she did she did first in her family first in generations and you have to remember that being divorced at that time was living with a stigma that starsha had to live with that's Christian 74 years old she was taught to be a very reasonable a very respectable member of the society she always had to satisfy her parents needs because she had to be a good girl so she became an engineer she went to study science although she had no interest in science whatsoever she became an engineer she worked as an engineer was very good at it but she gave it no heart only when she retired she got back to the passion of her life there was painting she started to learn how to paint she went to star the painting and she became fantastic at it and now she's a teacher and she teaches painting to other women zojja seventy-three years old so she wants it to be a circus artist but what kind of a job is the house well I mean if she said that to her mother the matter was excuse me you're the oldest you the sister you have four younger brothers you're going to look after your brothers and this is what you're gonna do you're not going to be a circus artist so when she fulfilled her duties as a daughter and as a sister and as a wife and as a mother she started to do yoga she started to do yoga when she was 63 and she became fantastic at it and it was incredible to see how her border reaches the sky this 73 year old lady doing splits headstands hence Tain's sky's the limit helene qey well the only feminine identity that helene can do for a very long time was that one as of a mother she was a mother she was the mother because she became a widow at a very young age and she was left with two sons so she had to be everything to them she was a mother and a father and a caretaker and a breadwinner and a teacher and a friend but there was only one thing that halinka forgot she totally forgot about herself and when she turned 60 she was like where am I where have I been I'm 60 years old where is it all gone so she started to squeeze life and this is what she doing right now she squeezes live and takes everything out of this trying to take all experience their life gives her and bring it together straight into her heart Elena the youngest in our group she was expected to be a boy so when she was born a girl there was a bit of a surprise here as you can imagine of course well she was expected to be a boy so much so therefore about 10 first years of her life her parents called her using the masculine equivalent of her name they called her Erik instead of Erika and you know so she was a boy she played with the boys she thought girls were totally stupid there's nothing interesting to talk to girls about she climbed trees played football and everything and only when she turned 40 she said well excuse me I think I'm kind of a woman well I unless I do something I go schizophrenic so she started to regain her femininity she started to experience her femininity in trying to learn what it really means to be a woman so those were the women that I met when I went to Osaka and when you want to ask me what we did for about 10 months I cannot really tell you anything that would feed your reasoning mind with because we didn't do anything there was physically that content so to say we met in a space of our hearts and we talked and we sang and we exchanged a experience and we exchanged our thoughts and we sometimes talked about things that we dirt to talk first time in our lives sometimes we relieved traumas that we had hidden deep down for a very long time he did things that would be statically connected with the word granny such as cooking baking tiling crocheting and we just gave it a totally different context so to say like this happening that we did together for the International Women's Day on the 8th of March we got together and we baked about 400 cupcakes but there were very special cupcakes well we baked about 400 little vaginas different sizes different shapes different colors and what we did on the 8th of March we gold along Kostka jetty and we offered those beautiful cupcakes to people passes by telling them come on have a little vagina for the International Women's Day well this is where you come from stop being ashamed of this that's that's our group this is the beautiful gate that we all go through when we come to the world so this is what we did and when the summer came with it we performed a ritual a very important ritual for femininity called Ana sera mine you you [Music] you [Music] you [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] ah well well if you ask me what old age is I still cannot tell you and it's not because I don't know it's it's because I don't know how to squeeze this huge vast experience into such a small entity but there's one thing that I know I am not afraid of it anymore thank you [Applause] you